5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.

 

6 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

Who are your friends?

 

A recent survey has determined you might not have a lot of close relationships in your life. In fact, the number of people who claim to have more than three solid friendships in their lives is only 37% or one-third of the population. Even more discouraging is the idea that fully 27% of adults say they have no close relationships at all.

 

Making friends as an adult is a daunting idea. For one thing, we’re swamped. We get caught up on our personal responsibilities and business goals that frequently we don’t make time for a social life outside of loose connections with our children’s friends’ parents and professional networking. Who has the time?

 

Thankfully, you do. It actually takes less time than you think to discover the joy of adult friendships. You can start with these simple tips:

 

Start with the Old

 

Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, ask yourself who your friends used to be. Is it possible you can rekindle some old friendships? In this era of social media, tracking down your best friend from high school is easier than ever. Why not shoot someone a quick message or text to open up the conversation all over again?

 

Become a Listener

 

When in groups of new people, rather than working hard to be the life of the party, why not take a step back? Making a point to actively listen to people makes you more attractive to those around you (everyone loves a listener) and puts you in the position of discovering the things which intrigue you most about the others. It’s a simple way to learn about shared interests, so you can strike up a friendship.

 

Take it to the Next Level

 

Have acquaintances but aren’t quite ready to call them friends yet? Try opening up a little. Being vulnerable forges intimacy with others and deepens the friendship, taking it to the next level. 

 

Stay in Touch

 

Worried about how to hang onto the friends you have? If you want to keep people from falling off the radar and becoming distant, make a point to check in with them once in a while. Send a text, make a call, set up a chance to get together. By checking in, you’re telling the other person they’re important to you and worth your time. A general rule of thumb? Connect about every two weeks.

 

Make a Group

 

Even better? Start putting your friends together in one place by creating a group of friends. There’s nothing more fun than hanging out in a gathering of people who enjoy each other’s company. Start simple, with a lunch date or drinks after work.

4 Positive Benefits to Trying New Things

What does it mean to try something new? For some, it may mean learning a new sport. For others, it could be trying a new food. Whatever it means to you, the principle is the same for everyone: Trying new things opens your world, eyes, and heart to new possibilities, and that’s a great thing. That’s the overarching benefit of trying new things, but here are four other specific benefits. 

 

1. Growth Comes from New 

 

When you step out of your comfort zone and into the wilderness of the unknown, a crazy thing happens. You learn and grow as an individual. It may not always be easy or comfortable, but it certainly will expand your mind and make you aware of the possibilities life has to offer – whether that be something thematic like your personality or something smaller like picking up a pair of rollerblades. 

 

2. Courage Boost

 

Courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens you. Chances are, you may be a little frightened by the idea of trying something new – and that’s perfectly okay! It will boost your courage and gear you up with the confidence you need to tackle new things in the future. 

 

3. Rid Your Life of Boredom 

 

Most people don’t like to be bored. You may enjoy quiet time or relaxation breaks but being bored is a totally different story. The good news is it’s pretty hard to be bored when you’re always mixing up your life with new adventures and happenings. The next time you feel a twinge of tedium tugging at you, try something new. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you’ll get rid of the dull feeling! 

 

4. Not Only Try but Enjoy 

 

Trying something new doesn’t mean a quick experiment and washing your hands of the adventure right afterward. Trying something new is a whole adventure, and it should be enjoyed. Some things are hit or miss. You may not love everything you try, but you’ll undoubtedly find some activities, people, or interests that you never knew you could enjoy. 

 

The next time someone invites you to do something a little different, you may want to consider saying yes. After all, the worst-case scenario is that you learn you don’t like it – and that’s not so bad, is it? Go for the gold! Try it out and see what you can learn about yourself. 

 

7 New Things to Try That Will Add Excitement to Your Life

Every year on January 1, millions of people around the globe are using a special word that is big in meaning, small in size, and severely underappreciated. That word is new. We say “Happy New Year,” and we declare our “new” goals for the year, but somewhere along the lines, “new” gets lost in translation. When you’re ready to embark on a quest to find the new, here are some things to try. 

1. Blogging

 

Writing may not be your X factor, but everyone has a story to tell. In your spare time, try out a blog to document what’s going on in your life. You can make it specific to your interests or your career, or you could keep it wide open for whatever thoughts dance through your mind. 

 

2. Cooking 

 

Cooking gets a bad rap for being time-consuming, messy, and demanding. We may not all be a whiz in the kitchen, but every once and a while, it’s fun to create a big meal for yourself (or your friends and family). 

 

3. Dance Lessons 

 

It’s always a good idea to get your body moving when you can, and it’s an even better idea to move your body to music! When you’re itching to do something new, try out a new form of dance. It’s creative and active at the same time – win-win! 

 

4. Gardening 

 

The best part about having your own garden is eating the food. Pair that with your cooking endeavor, and you’re set! The only caveat with gardening is that you have to have enough space for one. But if you do, it’s well worth it to start growing your own fruits, veggies, and herbs. 

 

5. Hiking 

 

Depending on where you live, mountains may be fully accessible to you. If that’s the case, you should take advantage of it by going on hikes regularly. It gets your blood pumping and gives you all kinds of beautiful sights to see. 

 

6. Learn a New Language 

 

Spare time should never become wasted time. You know that language you were always dying to learn? Seize this extra time as the perfect opportunity to start practicing. You’ll be a linguist before you know it! 

 

7. Meditation 

 

At first glance, meditation may seem like the opposite of exciting. It’s calm, soothing, and super quiet. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be exciting, too! Meditation is an art and a historically backed practice. Try it out for five minutes a day and see how you like it. 

 

9 Positive Reasons to Try Something New

What comes to mind when someone tells you to try something new? Are you eager to jump in and try it out, or are you afraid of possible adverse outcomes? See, most people get scared away by the thought of trying something they’ve never tried before. And that’s okay. The next time you get the nerves about experimenting with something new, come back to your “why,” and remind yourself of these positive outcomes. 

 

1. You’ll Learn What You’re Really Capable of

 

How do you know if you don’t try? Once you start mixing it up and trying new things, you’ll unveil new things about yourself that you never knew before. You may have a hidden talent or a secret interest that can be made into something big. 

 

2. Humility is an Added Bonus

 

So you try something, and you fall on your face – the bright side is that you earn a sense of humility. 

 

3. Capitalize on the Accomplishments 

 

Putting yourself out there makes it that much better when you hit the jackpot. Sure, it takes a lot of trial and error, but it’s worth it to be able to celebrate your big wins. 

 

4. One Down, Many to Go 

 

Once you conquer one new thing, it feels like you can take on the world. You may start with something small like learning how to paint, and the next thing you know, you’ll be trying to learn a new instrument and master a new language. 

 

5. You’ll Stop Feeling Like You’re Alone

 

Because you’re not. Trying something new teaches you that it’s been done before many times. You’re not alone in this adventure – and you can reach out to others for support and help on your endeavor. 

 

6. Excuses will Subside 

 

An excuse is an easy way out. It’s a coping mechanism, and it’s a sign of weakness. In the past, you may have said something like, “No, I’ll do that next year,” in regards to something new. But as you begin to try more new things, you’ll feel less inclined to dole out the excuses. 

 

7. You’ll Have More Control 

 

It’s a dichotomy because, in some respects, you lose control. Trying something new puts you in a vulnerable place—you’re not always sure what will happen and you’re not 100% in control of the situation. But at the same time, losing control teaches you how to have control over the things you CAN control. 

 

8. Learning Opportunities 

 

Trying something new = learning something new. There’s a world of opportunities out there waiting to be discovered! 

 

9. You’ll be a Role Model 

 

People are vetted off their abilities to handle life and create exciting experiences for themselves. If you’re hoping to be a role model for someone, put yourself out there and show them how it’s done! 

6 Strategies to Challenge Your Inner Critic’s Voice

It’s time you cultivated an attitude. 

 

Look, life can be hard sometimes. The last thing you need is your Inner Critic taking the wheel, getting on your case about every last little thing you’re trying to do. Why are you listening to someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart? No, it’s time to challenge your Inner Critic and silence their voice once and for all. 

 

How? Try these tried and true strategies:

 

Start Noticing

 

Inner Critics like to whisper, never to speak out loud. The last thing they want is to be noticed in their nefarious schemes. By paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you draw their lies out into the light where they cannot stand. 

 

Give it a Nickname

 

Whenever the Inner Critic speaks up, give it a silly name. Think to yourself things like “Hey, it’s Moldyvort, back again to cause trouble.” By making fun of this voice, it’s a whole lot harder to take seriously.

 

What about a Voice?

 

Do you hear some pretty negative things? Try saying them out loud. By giving voice to these thoughts, you’ll hear just how ridiculous they sound. 

 

Take a Negativity Break

 

Tell your Inner Critic they can only come out to play at a particular time each day. During that time, take a break and tell the Inner Critic to do their worst. Be sure to set a timer for the space allotted, so you don’t give more time to the negativity than necessary. Sit back and let it speak its piece. The funny thing? Most of the time, you won’t even remember what it was the Critic had to say by the time your negativity break rolls around. Even if you do, when the timer goes off, remind yourself you’re done and walk away. 

 

Question Everything

 

Is there any truth to what your Inner Critic is saying? Examine the statements. Feel free to argue back. Point out the flaws in the reasoning and back it up with examples of times when you’ve proven those things aren’t true.

 

Replace the Words

 

Finally, drop the negative words entirely and rewrite the script to turn each negative into a positive. For example, saying, “I’m terrible at writing reports” can become “I did a great job on the last report I wrote. I bet this one will be fine too.”

 

Remember, silencing an Inner Critic is going to take time and energy. This kind of voice doesn’t just shut up because you told them to go away once. No, you’re going to have to do the work, using these strategies until you’re finally free of the nasty little voice.

 

Once you’ve got it, though? Your world will change enormously in some pretty great ways. After all, without your critic to hold you back, you’re primed for success in a huge way.

Live Your Truth, Grow Your Self-Worth

Living a happy life is everyone’s goal. Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves? And yet so many of us live a life of self-doubt, feeling undeserving or incapable, or wishing we were walking another path.

 

However, living a happy life, being a happy person, is a matter of how you perceive yourself and your place in the world. You can “think yourself happy” by taking action, being honest about yourself, your patterns of thinking, and being open to your capacity to change. Self-knowledge is the key to living a happy life. And that means living your truth, not other people’s truth, or what society tells you is your truth. 

 

Socrates famously said that the unexamined life is not worth living. An ongoing process of self-analysis and self-examination leading to greater understanding and self-knowledge is also the basis for most of the world’s religions and belief systems for a good reason. If you don’t know who you are, you're not your true self in the world. If this is the case, you’re living a passive life, reacting to whatever comes along instead of taking control. Living unconsciously like this is living half asleep, and if you’re half asleep, you can’t be your best you.

 

Living an authentic life does not mean going off the grid. It does mean a daily practice of being honest about how you’re feeling and why, and reminding yourself that you are in control of how you feel. It means being clear about what your values and beliefs are – what “rules” you live your life by. Are your values yours, or have you absorbed them from other people in your life? Do they still fit with the life you want to lead? 

 

Five steps to living a more authentic life:

 

1.    Be clear about how you want your life to be right now and where you want to go. Understand and live by your values and beliefs. 

 

2.    Be aware of yourself and how you react and interact with other people, situations, events, the world.

 

3.    Set and maintain conscious boundaries. Be clear in your mind and be at peace with what you can and can’t control.

 

4.    Be okay with imperfection in yourself and others. Be objective about your weaknesses so that you can improve upon them without letting them get you down.

 

5.    Be kind and forgiving to yourself and others.

 

Living your truth means taking responsibility for your life and building a deep self-knowledge that will ultimately lead to contentment and happiness. 

 

5 Tips for Keeping Your Self-Talk Positive on a Daily Basis

There are certain things we do (or should do) every day without thinking. We need to be brushing our teeth and drinking enough water. We ought to be eating healthy and remembering to exercise. If we’re really on task, we might also be doing something to expand our minds or work toward a specific goal.

 

Now consider this: of everything, what would you say the single most important thing you do is?

 

Chances have you answered something to do with sleeping properly or taking care of your physical health. Believe it or not, there’s something even more critical, and it has to do with your self-talk.

 

Maintaining a positive inner dialogue, also known as positive self-talk is the one thing which is going to motivate everything else you do. It’s when you’re positive that you put in the effort to take care of yourself. When you encourage yourself, those tremendous big goals (not to mention all the small ones) become possible. Think of positive self-talk as the gas, which makes the car move.

 

With so much riding on what you’re saying to yourself, how do you keep positive daily? Try following these five tips:

 

Know Your Triggers

 

Certain people, places, and situations are going to raise up an instant series of negative self-talk messages. Knowing what those are in advance helps you to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand. Ask yourself what you can do to avoid those triggers? What statements can you use to combat the messages which always come up when you’re triggered?

 

Do an Inventory

 

Periodically check your inner dialogue. Is it getting negative? Pay attention to the signs telling you things are going downhill. Being mindful helps you to insert positive dialogue cues as needed to keep things on an even keel.

 

Laugh

 

It’s impossible to stay negative when laughing. Looking for the humor in situations helps you to stay positive.

 

Hang with the Right Crowd

 

It’s easy to have your mood affected by those around you. By sticking around positive people, you’ll find upbeat energy tends to rub off. 

 

Find Inspiration

 

Creating positive affirmations and daily repeating them starts the process of integrating specific thoughts into your dialogue. Keep these affirmations where you can see them. Leave notes to yourself inviting you to read those words again and again until they become part of who you are.

 

Engaging in daily positive self-talk is the one habit you want to spend time creating. There is no substitute for this kind of dialogue, which means you’re going to need to put in the effort until these actions become automatic. When you reach that point, you’re going to see some real positive change. 

5 Brain Hacks to Build Your Belief in Yourself

There's just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want. We find ourselves caught up in a slew of obligations involving everything from work to taking care of our families. In the end, who has time to better themselves?

 

Or are there enough hours after all?

 

If your self-belief is dragging, the last thing you need is to put yourself on the back burner. Why? Because you need self-belief if you’re going to succeed in your life. Thankfully, there’s help. Keep reading to discover five brain hacks guaranteed to build your belief in yourself, without taking up a lot of your extra time.

 

Affirmations

 

You’ve probably already seen a lot about positive affirmations, mostly because they actually work! By writing out several statements to encourage yourself, and then making an honest effort to read them daily (especially out loud) you’ll find after a while, you start believing them. How to make them work with minimal effort? Write them on sticky notes and place them around your house where you’ll find as you go about your daily life. Make a point of reading them when you find them.

 

Work Your Subconscious

 

The beauty of our brains is we don’t always realize how much is being processed without our awareness. Put positive reminders around that trigger feelings of confidence and contentment. Won an award? Hang it where you can see it. That letter of commendation? Why not frame it?

 

Journal

 

We process things better when we write them down. Keep a journal and write about the things you’ve accomplished each day. Add in what inspires you, and notes toward positive growth. Re-read previous passages to remind you of how far you’ve come.

 

Watch the Talk

 

If that internal voice is what’s getting you down, it’s time to tell your inner critic to shut up and find somewhere else to live. Put a stop to negative self-talk. Instead, substitute more positive variations on what’s being said. Replace lies with truths about how much you’ve already done, and how awesome you truly are.

 

Meditate

 

You don’t have to dedicate an hour for meditation to be effective. Taking even 10 or fifteen minutes to empty your mind and relax will help you focus inward. If you have a little more time, try a guided meditation, focusing on one of your affirmations for an extra positive jolt.

 

None of these items has to take long to be effective. The key is to repeat these steps daily until they become a habit. Before you know it, your confidence will rise. Self-belief is ready to open the door to a more productive, happy, and successful life.

 

How Self-Image Determines Your Success

You may have heard of the best-selling book, Psycho Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S. Today’s field of psychology considers the book to be one of the most important ever written. It’s a refreshing look at self-image and how you can change your life by re-programming the mechanism in your brain that controls your behavior – and thoughts.

 

Maltz’s theory is that there is a vivid distinction between the brain and the mind – the brain being the ‘machine’ that causes you to function and the mind being a life force that compels you to use your brain and body to achieve goals and rise to success.

 

“Cybernetic” is taken from the Greek word for ‘steersman’ and today the term is usually used it to refer to how machines and animals control and communicate. For example, a computer is a sophisticated machine that organizes itself to perform a function. Maltz maintains that you can’t reduce yourself to a machine because you have the ability to know yourselves and what makes you tick. 

 

It’s a fact that those with low self-esteem rarely rise to the top rungs of success. Unless you recognize when you’re being overly critical with your thinking process, the low self-image will keep plaguing you throughout your life and keep you from the success you could have had.

 

Understanding how your low self-image developed will help you know how to rid yourself of the negative thoughts and actions so that you’ll feel more accepting of yourself.

 

Combating a lifetime of self-criticism isn’t easy, but with books such as Psycho Cybernetics and other help available online and in other books and counseling today you can overcome low self-esteem by the method of alternative thoughts.

 

Negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities are habits that are self-defeating and need to be separated from who you really are. You can learn to replace them with a better and more uplifting image of yourself.

 

There are many methods that can help you with your quest to improve your self-image. One method doesn’t fit all, so take your time to look over the various ways that you can begin to enjoy a more vital self-image and perhaps combine several to see which works best for you.

 

It won’t happen overnight – like any bad habit, self-defeating thoughts must be dealt with every moment of every day until the bad habit is replaced with a good one – and one that will improve your self-image.

 

Decision Trees Can Help You Make Decisions

Decision trees are tools used by people to help them make confident decisions. It helps them layout several alternatives in a tree-like format. They can see most, if not all, the decisions available and can even set a rating on each choice.

 

The concept of a decision tree is an extension of a mind map. A mind map lets you create ideas and connections to those ideas. The decision tree is much like this concept except for a decision tree there is a score added to the branches of the tree. These scores often represent probabilities. If you have three choices, you may assign two branches with 40% probabilities, and the third branch would receive a 20% probability. The total of the branches should add up to 100%. However, it is your decision tree, so you are free to use whatever allocations you like if any. If your system makes sense to you, then it is correct.

 

Some project managers use decision trees to determine the costs of projects. When they assign probabilities to branches, they’ll multiply the total budget by that probability. For instance, if a branch has a probability of 35% and the total budget is $100,000, the branch will be estimated to cost $35,000 (35% x 100,000).

 

Decision trees don’t have to be this intricate to be useful. You can use them to list out the alternatives for a decision and end your efforts there. You can also choose to update the percentage of completion for the path that you select. Again, there are no right answers when using a decision tree for your purposes.

When others rely on your decision tree, and you are formally calling it a decision tree, you may need to follow the protocol of assigning probabilities and figuring out the percentage cost. However, if the group agrees to other conventions, then again, that is the right answer for the group. A decision tree is simply a way to convey information to yourself or a team, etc.

 

Decision trees will have a certain amount of subjectivity associated with them. In most cases, coming up with probabilities is quite subjective. It’s only through experience that you’ll be able to refine the probabilities. If the project you are working on is a one-time deal, you won’t get the benefit of refining those probabilities and will have to start over with a new set of subjective probabilities on the next project. However, some branches may carry over to the new project, and you’ll have a better feel for what to assign to those.

 

How to Avoid Analysis Paralysis

Data bombards you. We have more data than we ever did due to the internet and storage technologies such as the cloud. It’s great to slice the data every which way you can think of and create nice-looking reports that impress your managers. However, when it comes to decision making, you have to get to the point of making the decision. You’ll need to stop your data gathering and analysis and use what you have to decide.

 

Computers give you the ability to divide your data in a way that makes sense for you or your company. But, some people will spend hours deriving report after report, and none of them will get them any further in coming to a decision. They believe they need to see ten years of data instead of five. They need to see the impact of sales on each region, even though they are responsible only for one or two. 

 

Data is an important component in the decision-making process. It can let you know who are your customers, how much they have bought, and it can even tell you who your customers aren’t. Information is also important to make confident decisions. Without the information, you could be shooting in the dark, and that is as bad as having too much information. Probably worse.

 

To help you overcome the situation of analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis as many will refer to it, speak to your boss or the people who are going to be impacted by the data and your decisions. Ask them what they need from the data, and structure the reports around that information. Don’t include any other data in the report. If you can’t defend the position based on the data they asked for, it doesn’t belong in the report.

 

Don’t be a hero when it comes to analysis. You may be tempted to show a different level of data to that required as it may show better insight. But, if it isn’t within the scope of your decision, save it for future analysis. It is okay to let managers know that further analysis is possible. They may even extend the deadline and the scope of the project due to this extra information. What’s more likely to happen, however, is they will increase the scope while keeping the deadline the same. In essence, you have just given yourself more work to do by letting them know about this extra data.

Are Spontaneous Decisions Always Bad?

When faced with decisions, you want to have the best information possible. Some people spend too much time trying to find as much information as they can, and they miss opportunities because of it. Information is a key component in decision making. However, sometimes, you simply have to decide and live with the decision without any information.

 

You don’t want others to view you as someone who makes rash decisions. You’ll lose credibility when you do this and people won’t take you seriously. However, you must prepare yourself for certain times where being decisive is necessary. For instance, you may be registering for classes at your college and discover that a few of the courses you were hoping to take are full. You are given other choices but are unsure of how that will fit into your overall plan. Do you enroll in those alternative classes?

 

You may decide to go for the classes. If they are part of your curriculum, you can always rework your plan so that they fit in. Talk to your academic advisor and ask how to proceed after taking this new path. Of course, you could always drop the classes if they don’t fit well.

 

The point is if a decision doesn't work out the wrong results can usually be fixed. Don’t be afraid to take the plunge. The shoe company Nike has a slogan that has worked for them for several decades now. That slogan is 'Just Do It!'

 

A structured living doesn't fit well with some people. They need the excitement that comes with making spontaneous decisions. Who is to say that their way is wrong? It may not work for others, but for them, it works quite well. You may know people who are like this and are envious of them.

 

That isn’t the same scenario as people who don’t do much with their lives. Spontaneous decision makers are often doing many activities. You can decide to do nothing, but you won’t get very far. Unless you are lucky enough to come from money and your parents are willing to give you that money, you will need to find something to do.

 

Most people will find a balance of decisions they make based on information and spontaneous decisions. The process of decision making becomes easier the more you do it. Therefore, when you need to make spontaneous decisions, it will not be as difficult after a while.

5 Steps to Embracing Your Loneliness

Loneliness is something most people try to avoid. But being alone is an inevitable part of life. It happens to everyone at some time or another. It is important to be able to separate solitude from loneliness and to understand what is behind your feelings so you can embrace being alone.

 

1. Work Out the Root Cause of Your Fear of Loneliness

 

Some scientists believe loneliness is a basic emotion on a par with fear and anger. For millions of years, survival relied on being part of a group; being alone was risky. But now, a fear of loneliness can keep us in toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, and bad marriages. Identify what’s behind your fear of loneliness, and you can start to work on it. 

2. Learn to Understand your Loneliness

 

Loneliness comes in many different guises. It can be temporary situational loneliness where you find yourself without company or help. Or you can be going through a life crisis that results in more extended social isolation. A relationship breakdown, losing your job, or being seriously ill can all make you feel completely cut off from love and support. 

 

3. Appreciate Solitude

 

Solitude is quite a different state from loneliness. Artists, philosophers, and writers over the centuries have sought out solitude to think deeply and widely and to create their best work. Solitude can be a comfort in an overcrowded life. When you are by yourself, you can expand into being your true self. 

 

4. Confront your Deepest Fears

 

Loneliness can be a product of the fundamental fear of separation that goes back to infancy. Separation means being vulnerable, having no one to rely on except yourself. This is the loneliness that realizes that in the end, there is nothing between you and the stars, no one to rescue you. That sort of existential fear can be scary. What are your deepest fears about being lonely? Identify them, acknowledge them, and take away some of their power over you. 

 

5. Use Self-Actualizing Practices to Overcome Loneliness

 

Techniques like yoga, tai chi, and meditation can help you reconnect with your deepest self. Sitting alone in meditation separates you from the negative thought spirals and feelings that can make you feel so miserable. 

 

A loving-kindness meditation practice can help you replace feelings of separation with feelings of love and connection. Give it a try:

 

• Sit quietly and focus on your breath. 

• Breathe in, think ‘May I be happy.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be loved.’

• Breathe in, think ‘May all my suffering be healed.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be at peace.’

 

Eventually, repeat the mantra, thinking of people who may be lonely at this time, replacing ‘I’ with ‘you.’

 

Finish by sending positive thoughts to all beings and repeating ‘May all beings be happy. May all beings be loved. May the suffering of all beings be healed. May all beings be at peace.’

 

This simple practice helps you feel connected to all of life whenever you do it.