Take Stock to Start Your Year on The Right Foot

Too often we charge in when it would be better to assess where we are first. It can be painful to look back to see our mistakes and shortcomings. And yet, it’s the best way to determine what we need to do to make significant changes in our lives. Before you prepare to start the new year with loads of new resolutions and goals, take some time to reassess your life in these different areas.

 

Obligations — Ever wish you had more time for what was genuinely important to you? Now’s the time to make that change. And the first step is by looking at all the things you’ve taken on that no longer feel important. Consider each committee, sponsorship, extended family and friend obligations that no longer feel fun. If they feel like a burden, it’s time to unload them. That may feel challenging. After all, no one wants to let others down. But this is your life, and it’s time to choose you instead of others’ wants.

 

Finances — If you wish you had more money but can’t or don’t want to work more to get it, take a careful look at your finances. Quite often, little wants turn into needs. Scan through last year’s bank statements and make a note of any recurring payments. You may wince when you see how much you’ve spent on unnecessary things throughout the year. Having occasional treats for you and your family is okay. But if “shopping therapy” has become a burden, now’s the time to fix it. Make a list of all the ways you could cut back without feeling deprived. For example, could you eat out two nights a week instead of four? Is it essential that you shop for clothes every month? How much could you save if you took your lunch to work three days a week instead of getting take-out? Do you find it fun to have four bazillion TV channels? These are just a few ways you can trim expenses, so you can save for things that matter to you instead.

 

Dreams and Goals — Many people site not enough time or not enough money as the reason why they stay in dead-end jobs, don’t pursue their passions, or make real changes in their lives. If that was you and you’ve taken our advice and re-evaluated your obligations and finances, those excuses should no longer be holding you back. So, what do you want really? To go back to school and start a new career? Turn your side-hustle or hobby into a business? Purchase and cook homemade, whole foods that support your health and wellness? By choosing to make those two changes in your life, you’ve now opened up a whole new world for yourself. Grab it, and don’t look back!

 

4 Changes That Can Transform Your Year (and Your Life)

Sometimes, making changes that you want to see in your life feel nearly impossible. It takes a willingness to step outside your comfort zone to make significant changes that will transform your world. If you want to start your year out right, these subtle changes can be the beginning of a happier, healthier life.

 

Listen to Your Intuition — We like to think life is linear and rational. But more often than not, we make blind decisions based on what we know at the time. But what if you started following your intuition more often than your brain? Often, the right choice is the one we don’t fully understand at the time. Your intuition can lead you down a path you least expect, but that can change your life in exciting ways. Worry less about connecting the dots and spend more time riding the wave.

 

Understand Your Why — You want to make changes but find year after year, you have yet to make it happen. One reason for this is because you don’t understand why you want to make the change. Or you understand it, but you focus on how hard it will be to make the change. Look at the big goal you have and ask yourself why you want it. Will it free up time, make you healthier, or make retirement more comfortable? If the answer is yes, you should keep your thoughts on how much better your life will be when you’ve made the change, and then take action. Always start with your “why.”

 

Take Action — Often we humans wait until the time is right to do something meaningful. And for this reason, many of us have regrets later in life. What do you genuinely want? If you can answer that question automatically, it’s time to take action. Any action. It doesn’t have to be the “right” action. But making that first step will lead you to discover the right next steps to take that will lead you to where you want to go.

 

Stay Short-Sighted — Have you ever thought you’d like to make a significant change in your life but then thought yourself out of it? When we look too far into the future, we can get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. Ask yourself what the first step would be to make that change. Then the next step. And the next one. Most successful people didn’t know where exactly they’d end up. They just knew they wanted to change their lives, and so they did, step by step. Don’t let the fear of the unknown future steal your happiness today by keeping you paralyzed.

 

3 Key Things to Remember as You Embrace the Journey

Every day is full of new challenges. How do you face these? 

 

If you're goal-oriented, you look for eventual success. You create a destination that solves the challenge, lays out the steps, and work to get there. This might seem successful at first glance, but it doesn't take into account what we learn along the way or how the right mindset as you go impacts the outcome in the end. 

 

Consider this: when you switch your mindset to think more about how you embrace the journey, we see the most genuine success. Let's examine why through looking at three very key truths: 

 

Life Changes Without Warning 

 

You already know this. If you're like most people, you've already had your fair share of last-minute disasters. Remember the vacation which was spoiled entirely by sickness? Or the sudden out-of-town guest who just showed up at the worst possible time? The problem with being goal-oriented is you're very rarely prepared when the unexpected happens. 

 

But if you're someone who embraces the journey, your experience is going to be very different. By living in the moment, you're more able to go with the flow. You know how to adapt and to adjust to interruption. You're also more prepared to let go of the original goal and to set a new one. This sounds a lot calmer, doesn't it?

 

It’s Easy to Miss Out 

 

There is nothing sadder than lost opportunities and failed relationships. If you're fixated on the future (which happens when goal-oriented), you aren't present in the moment. This means you might be hesitating when you discover a new opportunity, thinking you should finish the old challenge before starting anew. The problem? The new might not stick around long enough to come back to it. 

But the worse aspect of goal-oriented behavior is it becomes too easy to make sacrifices to get ahead. This usually translates to time lost with your significant other or your children. Can you live with this? 

 

You Need to Know What’s Worthwhile 

 

Here’s a hint, it’s not about your bank account. Of course, when you’re looking at the goal, you're going to fixate on outcomes, keeping score in the only way which makes sense: in power or dollars and cents. When you embrace the journey, you understand mindfulness, the joy in every moment. You know the best things are what you savor about every day. You enjoy the people around you and the new adventures. Life isn't measured in your bank account but by your happiness. 

 

Looking at these key truths, it's no wonder it's important not to lose yourself in the goal, especially when the journey gives you so much more. 

 

Confidence Leads to Influence

Becoming confident is a big step in being more influential. When you exude confidence, that will show through to others. They will have no choice but to see you as someone that has a handle on situations.

 

The good news is confidence is not something you are born with. Sure, some people naturally are confident and it is easier for them to be that way. Confidence is something that can be learned. It may take rethinking some of your beliefs but it is possible.

 

The first step towards being confident is to learn as much as you can about the situations you are in. Knowledge is power. If you have the necessary knowledge, you will be in a position to answer questions that arise. This makes you authoritative in the minds of those that are not as well versed. Few can argue with you when you have that authority.

 

Next up is to define what you want to accomplish. Know what the desired end result should be and work back from that. Many people try to wing it and go with the flow, thinking that the results will come to them naturally. While that can work once in a while, usually, it’s more effective when you know what you want right from the start.

 

After you determine what you want to accomplish, you can map out a plan in the form of goals and milestones. By breaking down the process into smaller tasks, it becomes more manageable. This will easily add to your confidence levels because those smaller tasks will be easier to complete. It’s also a great feeling each time one of those milestones are met.

 

Nothing is set in stone and there is room for change when you make up your plan. Part of confidence is knowing when something isn’t working and to have the courage to adjust. By doing this quickly, you will not lose face. In fact, when you make the decision to change you will show that you maintain the confidence needed. No one can be right 100% of the time. The key is to try not to be wishy-washy when altering your path. Be firm on why you are changing and make the decision quickly.

 

Taking the steps to becoming more confident is entirely plausible. Confidence will naturally lead to becoming more influential. It takes commitment and time. But the rewards are simply too great to ignore.

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

You may recognize the title of this article. It is that of a book written by the late Dale Carnegie. The advice in the book remains timeless.

 

In no way is this meant to steal from the original book. This was written as a kind of review of the book and as a reminder that this book can truly serve as a life guide on how to be influential. The book spells out some common-sense techniques, yet many people fail to implement them, even after they have read the book. This is why Dale Carnegie himself, suggested using the book as a reference after the first read. It’s important to reinforce the techniques described from time-to-time.

 

If you haven’t read the book (and you should), Carnegie describes techniques that make people want to be with you. One is the simple technique of using somebody’s name. This requires that you remember the name when a person is first introduced to you. But once you know the name, be sure to use it whenever you come in contact with that person. People value their names more than you could possibly imagine. The next time someone says your name when speaking to you, pay attention to how that makes you feel. It is likely to make you feel a connection with that person on a level that you probably took for granted in the past.

 

Another technique that Carnegie describes is to pay attention to other peoples’ likes and wants. If you know somebody that is into elephants, for example, when you come across items related to elephants, make that person aware of it. Carnegie goes into much greater depth about this, but you get the general idea. Take a genuine interest in others and you will find them drawing towards you more and more.

 

The techniques described in the book really are common sense, but they work. There are several other techniques that are described which can really give you those influencing abilities you want to acquire. What’s great about his techniques is they are not difficult to incorporate into your life and yet they have a tremendous impact in how you are looked upon by others. It is almost magical at how well it works.

 

It should be noted that Carnegie wrote the book to help salespeople sell better. The book was actually a by-product of a course he developed with the same motivation. You do not need to be a salesperson to take advantage of the techniques contained in this book.

 

Useful Resources for Becoming Influential

There are several resources that can help you become influential. Use them as a guide to learn and as resources to keep your influence intact.

 

Google.com

 

Although obvious, you should always start your search using this ubiquitous search engine. One trick that many overlook is to search beyond the first page of the results. You can often find some gems as these webmasters are trying to fight their way to the top of the search engine results. These gems are often resources that are less about selling and more about offering great value.

 

Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

 

This book needs to be singled out as it is essentially the bible on the subject. This belongs in everyone’s library and needs to be read multiple times to reinforce the lessons. It is available as a Kindle book and if you are a member of Kindle Unlimited, you can get a version of it as part of that subscription. There are even several summarized versions of the book for those that don’t want to take the time to read the entire book. The book is really easy to read, though.

 

Udemy.com

 

Udemy has several courses related to influence, charisma, etc. Some of them may seem expensive but Udemy runs sales on its courses often. You can also search online for “Udemy Coupon Codes” as instructors like to use these to lure learners to their courses.

 

Amazon.com

 

Amazon has several books on how to influence. What’s great about Amazon is you can usually tell which books are good by reading the reviews and choosing the higher rated ones. Another great way to use Amazon is to scan through the table of contents of the bestselling books in that category and then searching on those topics to see what you can find.

 

YouTube.com

 

It’s amazing how many people overlook YouTube when they are trying to learn something. YouTube has videos on just about any subject. You will have to do some digging and weed through the videos that disguise themselves as courses but are really just sales pitches for a product. But there are definitely some great videos that can help when learning how to become influential. Another advantage is YouTube is free for most videos. One tip when evaluating videos: read through the comments and stay away from videos that have high thumbs down rankings.

Are You Curious About Meditation?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard about meditation, its different practices, and the various health and mental benefits of meditating and for good reason. It's been in the news frequently, there are plenty of books, apps, audio recordings, and classes about meditation out there, and you may have become curious about this ancient technique that's making a comeback in modern times. Let's explore what you can do to learn more about meditation and most importantly, how to give it a try. 

 

Learning More About Meditation

 

The internet is a great place to start looking for more information about meditation. It may be how you discovered what you’re reading right now. You'll find plenty of information about meditation, its long history, the various forms of it, and of course some direction and instructions for getting started. This isn’t a bad place to start. You’ll get the basics and enough information to dip your toes in with a simple meditation practice. 

 

You can also find a lot of great books about meditation. Head on over to Amazon, your local bookstore, or the library and pick up a book or two on meditation. There are also some great apps out there with guided meditations. Search for meditation in your phone’s app store.

 

How To Start Meditating

 

You can find some simple guided meditations online, as audio recordings and the likes. Another great option is, of course, the apps I mentioned. They are a great source of guided meditation and the apps will help you increase your meditation time as you go along. They are a great starting point. From there you can explore other options like breathing meditations for example. 

 

One of the simplest forms of meditation is to become aware of your breath. Sit comfortably, calm your mind, and focus all your attention and conscious thought on breathing in and out. It’s harder than it sounds and takes a bit of practice, but once you get comfortable with this particular exercise, it’s a form of meditation you can do anytime, anywhere. 

 

Above all, I encourage you to look into meditation and give it a try. It's a wonderful way to combat stress, improve your quality of life and do something positive for your mental and physical health. Try it and see if meditation is right for you. If you don’t particularly enjoy guided meditation, try chanting, transcendental meditation, or breathing meditations. There are so many different traditions and practices out there. If you keep an open mind, I’m sure you’ll find the one that’s right for you. 

 

Establishing Strong Meditation Habits

Creating new habits isn’t easy and getting into the habit of meditating regularly is no different. Yet taking the time to establish this habit of daily meditation has so many benefits that carry into all aspects of your life. You’ll feel calmer and more collected. You’ll be able to concentrate better, show more patience, and live in the moment. Meditation is even good for your health and can help reduce stress. In short, making meditation a habit is a very good idea. 

 

Here are a few tips to help you get there. 

 

Make It Part Of Your Routine 

 

It’s much easier to create a new habit when you make it part of your daily routine. This is why meditating first thing in the morning works so well. Your daily meditation becomes part of what you do to get ready in the morning. Try meditating after you get out of the shower or even before you get out of bed in the morning. Set your alarm to go off 10 minutes earlier and start your day with a short meditation session. Since it is part of an already established routine, it will quickly become a habit. 

 

Stick To The Same Time And Set An Alert 

 

If including your daily meditation practice into an existing routine isn’t an option, make a new one. It’s helpful to stick to roughly the same time each day when establishing a new habit. In the beginning, you may find it difficult to get into the swing of things so set an alert on your phone to remind you to meditate.

 

Another helpful tip is to commit to this new meditation habit for 30 days. Check them off on a calendar and do what you can not to miss a day. At the end of the 30 days, you will have started to establish the new habit and sticking to it going forward will be much easier. 

 

There’s An App For That 

 

Last but not least, consider using a meditation app. You can find them in the app store for your favorite mobile device and most of them are free to try. The basic version may be just what you need to start establishing the meditation habit. The apps keep things interesting with new guided meditations for each day and let you track your progress. It will also remind you to meditate with an alert on your phone. Give it a try and see if using an app helps you establish a strong meditation habit.

 

How To Start Meditating

Getting started with meditation is a lot easier than you may think. There isn’t any special equipment you need to buy or classes you should be taking. While buying a book, a guided meditation audio recording or an app for your smartphone are certainly options, you don’t even have to do that to get started. I’ll share everything you need to know to get started meditating right here in this post. 

 

Start by getting comfortable in a spot that’s as free of distractions as possible. You want to sit down either on a chair with your feet firmly planted on the ground, or sitting cross-legged on the floor. If you sit on the floor, you’ll be more comfortable if you sit on a cushion. It’s important that you can sit in whatever position you choose comfortably and that you’re keeping your back straight. Slumping may make you sleepy while you meditate, and bad posture may cause you discomfort after a while. 

 

Before we start with the actual meditation, let’s get back to distractions. In the beginning, you want to cut as many of them out as possible. Choose a quiet spot where no one will interrupt you. Turn off the ringer on your phone, close the blinds if you think it will help to create a calm and soothing space. You won’t always have to go through all this trouble to meditate because, after a little practice, you’ll be able to do the little meditation exercise I’m about to share with you anytime, anywhere. But like any new skill, meditating can be a little hard in the beginning. It sounds simple enough, but it’s easy to get distracted. That’s why it’s important to set yourself up for success by cutting out any distractions you can. 

 

Here’s how to meditate. Sit down, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Notice how the air flows in and out of your nose and mouth. Try to think of nothing else. This is the hard part and something that takes practice. Start meditating for a few minutes here and there and increase the time as you move along. Don’t judge yourself when your thoughts stray. Keep bringing yourself back to the sensation of the breath anytime you notice that you’re thinking of something else. 

 

That’s all there’s to it. Getting started with meditation is simple, but like any new skill, it takes practice. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stick with it and keep practicing these new meditation skills. You’ll be glad you did.

 

4 Thoughts People with High Self-Worth Have

The most confident and happy people we know are the ones who have high self-worth. But how did they get that way? Are some people just born with a better sense of value? Or do they make a practice of acting a certain way, which helps to keep them feeling positive about who they are?

 

When you talk to people with high self-worth, you find that they have a lot of things in common. Those who feel good about themselves tend to think a certain way. Let's look at a few of the ideas which keep people feeling worthy even when life might be difficult.

 

They Understand Where Mistakes Fit

 

Everyone messes up now and again. The person with self-worth recognizes this. They take responsibility for the action and understand that just because something went wrong, it doesn't change who they are as a person. They still value themselves even when they make a mistake.

 

They Don't Get Caught up in the Trappings of Life

 

Who you are has a whole lot less to do with what you have than you might think. It doesn't matter how much money is in your bank account, whether you are wearing the right clothes or if you have the "right" education. Your value has a lot more to do with who you are inside than who you are outside. You can still be worthy even if you have very little in the way of possessions or money.

 

They Don't Chase Happiness

 

Who you are has very little to do with whatever emotion you happen to be feeling in the moment. If you are not happy, it does not mean that you are not worthy period. You're going to feel what you're going to feel. Individuals with high self-worth realize this and accept their emotions for what they are: a reflection of their emotional state and not of personal value.

 

They Take Responsibility for How They Feel

 

When you have strong feelings of self-worth, you do not need other people to define you. This also means you need to drop any victim mentality. They say no one can make you feel anything without your permission. This is truer than you might realize. It's up to you to decide who you are. No one else has this right.

 

Of course, there're other things people with high self-worth do. They practice empathy, especially with themselves. They love their job and set goals that make sense to them. The common thread? They do things that honor them. They don't make compromises or get caught up in doing what they think they 'should' but instead focus on what's right for them.

 

You can do this, too, by merely paying attention to your choices and holding fast to who you are.

 

5 Strategies to Shine Bright on the Job

Shining bright at a job is often associated with being a “suck-up,” “brown nose,” or “teacher’s pet.” What shining bright at work is about, is being a nice person, working hard, and having the right attitude. Keeping reading for five useful tips that you can implement at work immediately to shine a little brighter and help others to as well.

 

1. Have a Positive Attitude

 

This doesn’t mean that you need be the annoyingly cheerful coworker at all hours of the day. Be kind. Don’t be a negative Nancy. Think before you speak. Being positive in less than stellar situations can take time, practice, and effort, but being the one with the right attitude can go a long way in making situations better and getting noticed for the right reasons.

 

2. Accept Feedback Gracefully

 

Sometimes even the most well-intentioned constructive criticism can sting. Even at those times, accept the feedback gracefully. Do not allow the negativity of others to cause you to act out. Instead, ask questions about the feedback so you can better understand how to do better next time, and this will also show that you are willing to learn and self-correct in the future. Look at every criticism as a chance to grow professionally.

 

3. Be a Professional

 

Being a professional can cover many areas. Consider your language (swearing), your attire, and your actions. Do your best to remain professional an all times. This doesn’t mean to altogether eschew your coworkers though. Be sure to be still friendly, joke around a little, and show that you are willing to contribute to the work culture as well.

 

4. Go the Extra Mile

 

Sometimes going a little bit above and beyond what was expected of you can garner big dividends. Always considering doing a little extra to show that you care about your work and the office. This will impress your supervisor and show your coworkers that you care about everyone in the office.

 

5. Volunteer for New Projects

 

Sometimes your plate is already too full, and you can’t consider taking on one more project. If your plate isn’t already too full, though, consider volunteering for a new project, be it a solo or team one. This will show that you are willing to try new things, take one for the team, and you never know, the new project might end up being a fantastic opportunity for you.

 

Shining bright in the office is not about outshining everyone else. It is about illuminating your own abilities and strengths while also casting everyone else in a positive light so that the team can grow together. Remember, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

6 Important Reasons Why Living with Purpose is Important

Like most people, you’re probably focused on achieving your goals and making the most of your potential. But maybe you have overlooked something that turns out to be fundamental not just to your success, but to your happiness? 

 

Living with purpose may be more important than you’ve given it credit for. Experts agree that finding meaning, finding, and living your life’s purpose has wide-ranging benefits, some of them a little unexpected. 

 

1. Purpose Can Help You Focus

 

When you have a clear concept of your life’s purpose, it’s easier to focus your energy and your actions on what you want to achieve. You know where you want to go and how to get there. Purpose acts as a guide and a map on how to reach your goals. 

 

2. Purpose Makes Gratitude Easy

 

Living with purpose can help you to feel more contented with your life as it already is. People who are aligned with their life’s purpose report greater satisfaction with their present circumstances because they know they are focused on what they want out of life. 

 

3. Purpose Sharpens Your Passions

 

Knowing your purpose also helps you focus on what fires you up. It helps you to find your passions and go after them. 

 

4. Purpose Helps You Live in Alignment With Your Values

 

Doing the work of your purpose and working out what matters to you in life helps you to align everything you do with your deepest held beliefs and values. Deciding to live a meaningful life means you are not so tempted by the things that will lead you off the path of purpose. 

 

5. Purpose Makes You A Better Leader

 

Having a boss who has a clear vision of where they want to go and how to get there is very inspiring for employees and clients alike. Clarity of purpose inspires trust and respect, and it’s a great motivator. 

 

6. Purpose Helps You Live Longer

 

Perhaps the most unexpected benefit of finding and living your life’s purpose is that it can add years to your life span. Researchers in Japan found that men who had a purpose in their life lived longer than men who didn’t. Knowing your purpose can help you deal better with stress and the ups and downs of life. 

 

People who are living a purposeful life, aligned with their deepest values, tend to worry less and deal with stress and anxiety better. They have better cardiovascular health and suffer less from depression, insomnia, and anxiety. 

 

How to Appreciate Your Life Without Feeling Guilty

Of all the ways there are to increase your personal power, gratitude tops them all. Being appreciative for everything you have and having the desire to help others to feel the same level of appreciation.

 

It is hard at times. There can be occasions when you feel guilty for spending on life’s luxuries. The feelings of compassion, empathy, and guilt for those who will never have the same.

 

Personal power increases your sense of empathy so know that you are on the right path and improving. When your guilt stems from empathy and compassion for others, change your mindset.

 

Visualize the look on others people faces when you do something for the greater good. 

 

3 Ways to Feel Grateful Without Feeling Guilty 

 

1.    Pay it back

 

When you feel compassion for others who have less than you, the best way to give is to be of service. Not by giving away money because you can’t buy happiness.

 

You can give away happiness, and that's just by giving people something you know they will appreciate. Your time. If you then feel guilty about not having the time to be of service, an online search for a local charity is where to donate because there are voluntary organizations that need the cash to help provide for those in need. You can donate to registered charities in under ten minutes. You do have time.

 

2.    Stop Comparing

 

Comparisons are the pathway to negative emotions that eat away at your positive power. The instant you start comparing yourself, your feelings, attitude and what you have in comparison to others, you are opening yourself up for guilt. 

 

From a young age, we are taught that we should be grateful for everything we get because others are worse off. So, guilt is ingrained us. That needs let go. Just be grateful without bringing a comparison into it. 

 

3.    Use Your Gratitude to Serve Those Dear to You Better

 

Being grateful for the people you have in your life – as support, mentors, friends, and shoulders to lean on – can bring about guilt too. How can I say (or write) I’m grateful for my family when I act like work’s my main priority? Decide to make the change and spend quality time with those you're grateful to have in your life. Do a home visit, a video call or phone the person. Don't just type things into private messages on social media.

 

Speaking to people instead of text messages strengthens relationships. Use your guilt to drive change for the better. Don’t let it deplete your energy.

 

The One Word to Change in Your Vocabulary to Break Bad Habit Cycle

What we say matters. Especially what we say to ourselves. Whether speaking out loud or speaking internally to ourselves, if we choose our words without care, we’re likely to end all our good intentions. That’s especially true when trying to break bad habits and you haven’t even started yet.

 

You can change that with the use of one single word.

 

That magical word is a contraction, commonly used, and has more power than your entire vocabulary when used correctly. What is it?

 

DON’T.

 

‘Don’t’ is one of those funny words that takes back control of ourselves in a single syllable. How? Think about these examples:

 

“I don’t smoke.”

“I don’t bite my nails.”

“I don’t use social media.”

 

Now contrast them with the phrases you’ve likely been using since you’ve been trying to break those same habits.

 

“I can’t smoke.”

“I can’t bite my nails.”

“I can’t use social media.”

 

“Can’t” hits us psychologically right between the eyes. When we’re using it, we’re saying that this is something we’d like to do, but that something is restricting us from being able to do it. It doesn’t even matter that the thing that is restricting us is…well…us. The fact that we’re still using the word “Can’t” means we haven’t given that up yet. 

 

“Don’t” holds all the power. When we say “Don’t” we’re saying that we CHOOSE for ourselves to not do that action. That this is something that we wouldn’t want to do even if we could. 

 

See the difference?

 

Now that’s all well and good when talking to your friends, but what about when talking to yourself?

 

When we examine our thoughts and feelings about things, we have to watch our terminology there too, every bit as much (if not more) than we would when talking to others. After all, our habits are deep-seated things, most of them wired unconsciously in our brains. So it’s there we have to change our language. 

 

“I don’t eat sugar.”

“I don’t waste money buying things I don’t even want or need.”

“I don’t indulge in pointless arguments on the internet.”

 

When we can finally internalize these phrases, they become our choice. They become what we WANT. And believe it or not, that affects your chances for success. This theory is backed up by studies that conclusively show that people who use the word “don’t” are 50% more likely to stick with changes they’re trying to make (to end bad habits and create good ones) than people who are still stuck over in the land of “can’t.”

 

So what does this mean to you?

 

If you want to change your life, you’re first going to need to change your dialogue. After that, the rest is easy.

 

How to Deal With a Difficult Emotion Using Mindfulness

Mindfulness has a great many uses and is often prescribed by self-help gurus, doctors, writers and others as a tool anyone can use to improve their mental health.

 

Often these focusses on the long-term benefits of being more present and aware. At the same time though, mindfulness can also be used like a scalpel to deal with more acute problems. Here we will look at how it can be leveraged for instance to tackle specific emotions as they arise.

 

Turning Towards Emotions

 

Normally when we experience negative emotions, we react either by trying to ‘fight them’ or by trying to suppress them. This can be described as almost ‘turning away’ from our emotions to try and deny them their power over us.

 

Unfortunately, this ultimately tends to result in our becoming more stressed or upset as the emotions bubble under the surface, or as we frustrate ourselves in trying to fight them.

 

Instead, though, mindfulness teaches us to turn towards our emotions. What this means, is that you are going to listen to the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing and then simply acknowledge them. Now you say ‘I am stressed’, ‘I am embarrassed’ or ‘I am upset’. Don’t be ashamed or upset that emotion exists but simply recognize that you are currently in that state.

 

People get upset sometimes. People get angry sometimes. But if you’re simply aware of your condition, then you can be aware that perhaps the thoughts you’re thinking aren’t completely objective. What’s more, you should keep hold of the knowledge that emotions aren’t permanent. In other words, you’re feeling angry right now and as such your thoughts shouldn’t be taken too seriously. But in a few hours, you will likely feel better and then the world will seem like a brighter place again.

 

This creates a subtle but powerful shift. No longer is the world a terrible place and thus you are upset, now you are upset and thus the world seems like a terrible place. The difference is that you now know that belief is not true.

 

Debriefing

 

What’s more, being aware and accepting of your emotions in this way will allow you to assess them in a kind of ‘debriefing’ and to look at what triggered them, how you dealt with them and what they made you think and do. The more you break down and intellectualize your emotions, the more you will find you gain control over them.