Why Validating Yourself Through Comparisons Is Bad

We all make comparisons with others throughout our lives. Sometimes a comparison can be really good for you and other times it can be bad. There are people that make comparisons based on jealousy and other negative emotions. These will usually have negative consequences such as making a person feel terrible and lowering their self-worth.

 

Then there are good comparisons. These are when a person wants to improve their life and looks to someone else to understand the gap that they need to close to achieve their goals. Maybe they have a gap in terms of knowledge and experience and once they know what this is then they can create a plan to close the gap.

 

Using Comparisons to Validate how good you are

 

Then we have the comparisons that some people make to validate how good they are. There is some good intent here as they want to confirm that they are still great at something. This is a very common type of comparison that happens every day all across the world.

 

Let’s say that a person is very good at making money. They then compare themselves with someone that is always broke and is the complete opposite of them. When they compare their lives the person that is good at making money gets an ego boost while the person that is broke ends up even more depressed.

 

But what if this comparison went wrong? If you are the person that is good at making money and you come across a stranger that looks poor to you how can your comparison for an ego boost fail?

 

Well, you do not know anything about this person and appearances can be very deceptive. You are assuming that they don’t know how to make money like you do based solely on their appearance. You don’t really know what their financial position.

So, you think to yourself that you have been right every time in the past so you are going to give the comparison with this stranger a shot and you are feeling confident. But it turns out to be a disaster because the person has a lot more money than you and knows many more money-making methods than you do!

 

How do you react to this? You are in the company of friends and colleagues who are in a state of shock over this. They begin to act warmly towards the stranger because he is their new idol. Do you become bitter and even angry over this? It is very likely, isn’t it?

 

Other Downsides of Validation Comparisons

 

With a validation comparison there is always likely to be a winner and a loser. It is like a competition and the loser is probably going to be pretty unhappy. In the scenario above the person thought he was going to be victorious and then came crashing down to earth.

 

If you use the same people for your validation comparisons it will not take long for them to get fed up with this ridiculing and start to avoid you. They will quickly spread the word about you as well. For the validation comparer the world can be a pretty lonely place.

 

Using validation comparisons rarely move people forward in their lives. They have got to a pint where they are content to wallow in their victories at the expense of others but they are not setting themselves any new challenges and growing as a result.

 

How To Be More Confident And Less Dependent On Others

If you are someone who is often concerned about what others think about you then this can really tank your self-confidence. Being reliant on others to feel good about yourself is a bad situation to be in. If you had higher confidence levels then you wouldn’t need to do this so much, if at all.

 

So, in this article we will provide you with some proven methods to increase your self-confidence. The first method will give you an instant confidence boost and the others will take more time and consistent effort. Make a commitment to work on your self-confidence every day because it is so important for your independence.

 

Create Confidence through Motion

 

People that are low on self-confidence often have a poor body posture. They tend to sit around a lot or lie on the couch and these things have a negative impact on your confidence levels. It is easy to make yourself feel down and even depressed if you use bad posture.

 

Let’s say that you have been invited to a party by one of your best friends. You are not feeling confident because you know that there will be a lot of people there you have not met before. But you don’t want to let your friend down so you accept the invitation.

 

What body posture will you adopt when you are walking in a room full of strangers? Will you slouch your way in with your shoulders dropped and your head down? This is great if you don’t want to meet anyone new and have a lousy time.

 

But if you want to enjoy yourself then change your posture. Stand tall and throw your shoulders back. Lift your head up so that you can make eye contact with people. Put a confident smile on your face. Practice this in the mirror before going to the party. It will make you feel great!

 

Address your Negative Thinking

 

Unconfident people usually have a lot of negative thoughts swirling around in their heads. These thoughts tell them that they are a loser and their life is worthless. If this is happening to you then you need to take control of your thoughts.

 

This is going to take time and practice so you need to accept that you have to keep working on it. If you have a negative thought which says “you are worthless” then neutralize this with a positive thought like “I am great and have a lot to offer”.

 

Practice this until it becomes automatic. Getting rid of negative thought spirals will do wonders for your self-confidence. You will feel a whole lot better about yourself and ready for any challenges that you may face.

 

Don’t Idolize other People

 

Too many people idolize others and this is just crazy. They hang on to their every word on social media and want to live their life like them. But what they don’t know is that this person has a lot of flaws and they are far from perfect.

 

There is no problem with looking up to certain people because they have more knowledge or experience than you and you can learn from them. But you will never be free and really develop your self-confidence if you just idolize them.

 

Be Proud of Yourself

 

You have come a long way in life and you have many things that you can feel proud of. There have been a number of problems that you needed to overcome and you did that. So, reflect on the great things that you have done before for a great self-confidence boost.

 

What Is Your Self-View And Why Is It So Important?

The “self-view” is a term created by psychology experts for how you see yourself. Sometimes you will also see this called your “self-concept”. Basically, your self view is a combination of your opinions, beliefs, attitudes and preferences that form your definition of who you are.

 

It is all about how you think about yourself. This is really powerful because it will define how you think and the way that you act. Our self-view is critical and we really need it to make sense of our world. 

 

The Self has been Studied by Psychologists for a long time

 

The concept of the self-view is easy to understand but it is a very complex psychological area which has had psychologists trying to figure it all out for a very long time. Although everyone has a self-view it is not always easy for us to know what is really going on on the inside. 

 

This is because we are all different and our mixture of traits, preferences, personality characteristics and abilities differ wildly to the next person. It doesn’t matter that much that we cannot explain everything about the self-view though.

 

What is important is that we are aware of its existence. People need their self-view so that they can form their own perceptions of the world and feel comfortable in their environment. Without it we would always be asking others how we stack up (which a lot of people do anyway but this is usually due to low self-esteem rather than not having a self-view).

 

In the very early days of research into the self-view, Descartes formed the conclusion that the very existence of an individual was totally dependent on how they perceived the world around them.

 

The well-known psychologist, Simund Freud, believed that the self-view comprised of three elements which are:

 

1. Your ID which is pleasure based

2. Your ego which is a state of balance between your ID and your superego

3. Your superego which is driven by your conscience

 

Important Aspects about the Self View

 

There are a lot of different assumptions held about the self-view to make sense about it. Here are some of the most important ones:

 

You Learn your Self View

 

The assumption here is that you are not born with your self-view. You will develop it as you grow and become an adult. In fact, your self-view can change many times during your life. Many experts believe that you can change your self-view if you need to and this is a good thing.

 

Your Self View has Structure

 

Over the years you are likely to develop many different views about yourself. The assumption here is that all of these different opinions are organized into a single self-view. This structure helps you to instantly challenge anything that doesn’t conform to your-self view.

 

Every day an individual is likely to be subjected to many different messages and a number of these can challenge their self-view. Even though these different challenges are about different aspects of a person’s life the reaction is automatic.

 

Your Self-View can Change

 

It is not easy to change your-self view because you have built it up over a long period of time. But you can change it. Sometimes different environmental changes can force you to change your-self view. Other times you may want to change it yourself because it is not supporting what you want to do.

 

5 Exercises To Maintain Your Mental Toughness

What do we mean exactly when we say “mental toughness?” What is the association between physical exercise and the resilience of your mind? The body and the mind are closely related and one certainly affects the other. 

 

Mental toughness is a measure of your ability to bounce back from setbacks. If you don’t take care of your body, you will lack essential cognitive skills such as creativity, the ability to focus and memory recall.

 

Have you had bad days when everything seemed to go wrong? You decide to go for a walk and in no time, you notice that something in you is changing - you feel lighter, you are able to see things from a different perspective and concerns diminish.

 

1. Walking to achieve Optimal Mental Strength

 

Walking at a constant, steady pace promotes wonderful changes in your brain. Many studies encourage walking less than thirty minutes a day to reduce certain mental problems, avoid depression and enhance the quality of your life.

 

The simple constant and regular movement during this half hour set our heart “in motion”. You will flood your body with oxygen and in particular your brain. Walking releases tension and will help to bring those calm brain waves into play! These allow us to attain that level of consciousness which allows us to be more receptive to the world.

 

2. Smile, a wonderful Therapeutic Exercise

 

You might surprise yourself and even fail to believe when you smile it is therapeutic and will fill you with positivity. Simply smiling will make a real difference to your mental state. You only need to smile and your brain sends you back a torrent of endorphins.

 

It is as if you reconnect or regain a perspective on reality. This will allow you to disconnect from everyday stress. For this reason, do not hesitate to smile every day. When you feel exhausted, just smile in the mirror. See yourself and perceive what is happening inside of you.

 

3. Deep breaths 3 times a day

 

Stress leads to unbalanced and accelerated breathing and prevents the brain from getting the right amount of oxygen that it requires. In addition, any situation of stress or anxiety releases cortisol, which is a hormone that in high doses can negatively impact your mind and body.

 

To avoid problems with stress be sure to participate in deep breathing exercises.

 

• Three times a day practice your deep breathing for 15 minutes

• When you breathe in count for 5 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds

• Keep doing these deep breathing exercises and you will see great improvement

 

4. Stretches in the Morning

 

Morning stretches will help you to maintain your mental strength as you learn to “relax” your body. In other words, it will provide your body with relaxation, elasticity, resistance and more.

 

Get up a little earlier in the morning and start with some gentle stretching exercises. They should focus on your neck area, shoulders, hips and lower back.

 

5. Lifting Weights

 

You will find it very therapeutic to participate in simple resistance exercises. The aim with these exercises is to reduce anxiety. To release negative emotions such as worry, apprehension and fear spend around 10 to 15 minutes each day lifting weights.

 

This moderate intensity resistance exercise will not only allow you to gain stronger muscles, but will also help you better channel rage, frustration, anxiety and other negative emotions. When you use all five of these simple exercises you will have more agile mental strength day after day! In addition, you will be prepared to face daily challenges.

 

Techniques For Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind

There are many exercises you can do to unleash the power of your subconscious. However, it is recommended that you choose just one to start with. The goal is to be fully focused and to avoid dispersing.

 

1. Mental visualization

 

The subconscious is very sensitive to the power of images. It has no temporal notion and evolves in an eternal present. This means that when you imagine that you have accomplished a goal, your subconscious will not distinguish between what will be achieved in the future, and the desire already fulfilled. 

 

This representation will trigger the same physiological effects in you as reality. You will therefore feel positive emotions which will strengthen your winning mindset. There is a ripple effect where your subconscious will be even more stimulated.

 

Each day spend about 10 minutes visualizing positive scenes of what you want to accomplish in your life.

 

Here are some visualization examples, if you need some inspiration:

 

* An exciting job

* A beautiful house

* Holidays in dream destination

* Constructive and healthy relationships

* Anything you want to manifest in your life

 

To increase the power of visualization even further, be sure to emit strong positive emotions. By doing this consistently, you will eliminate everything that slows you down on a daily basis (fears, worries, doubts ...)

 

2. Positive affirmations

 

Positive affirmations are short sentences, which you send to your subconscious, to direct your thoughts towards the goals you want to achieve. All the affirmations that you repeat to yourself over and over again will transform your life and shape your mind. Your thoughts will become a powerful tool in creating your reality.

 

In order for exercise to work and provide fast results, you must follow these few rules:

• Affirmations should be positive and formulated in the present tense. Your subconscious, as mentioned earlier, has no notion of time and simply recognizes the present moment. A future or negative formulation will therefore have no effect, since it is not compatible with your subconscious.

• Your emotions should be in line with your statements. Whatever words you say, make an effort to feel the corresponding emotions. Your subconscious will be more inclined to believe it.

• Be regular and diligent. Affirmations only work if you repeat them several times a day. Make them part of your morning or evening routine so you don't forget them.

 

3. The influence of your environment

 

Your subconscious follows the same relentless logic as a computer. It is indifferent to the nature of the environment in which you live. He is simply content to form his beliefs blindly on the basis of all the information received and heard. If you are constantly exposed to negative thoughts, or live with people complaining all day long, your plans and mood will suffer.

 

Surround yourself with good energies and agree to sort out your relationships. Leave room to welcome new people who match your values ??and your current outlook. Focus on people that pull you up and energize you.

 

It is important to be consistent and diligent to see the results of your programming. As soon as you start to experience positive results it will provide you with the motivation to do more. Stick to your daily sessions, and know that these changes are long lasting, powerful, and worth investing in.

 

The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

You have two minds which are your conscious and subconscious. Your conscious mind deals with your daily interactions with the world. It provides you with information via your 5 senses:

 

* Sight

* Sound

* Touch

* Smell

* Taste

 

You have thoughts swirling around in your conscious mind all the time you are awake. These thoughts can be negative and harmful to you or positive and empowering. The way that you react to a specific situation is partly due to your conscious mind and a lot to do with your subconscious mind.

 

Your Subconscious Mind

 

You store all of your beliefs and life habits in your subconscious mind. Some of these beliefs and habits serve you well and others hold you back in life. A belief that tells you not to leap off of tall buildings is clearly something that you want to hang on to. But a belief that tells you that you are never going to be successful is something that you want to change.

 

Your subconscious mind allows you to do many things on autopilot. For example, you don’t need to use your conscious mind to remind you to breathe, do you? If this was the case you would never be able to sleep as your conscious mind shuts down during sleep.

 

But your subconscious mind can also work against you as it will push you to do other things on autopilot that are not helpful such as drinking too much alcohol or doing drugs. It can also produce negative thoughts in your head based on your past. If you want to achieve a goal but failed in the past with this then it can tell you that you will not be able to do it.

 

You can Reprogram your Subconscious Mind

 

The good news is that you are not stuck with all of the negative beliefs and habits that exist in your subconscious mind. You can reprogram your subconscious to empower you rather than hinder you. This all starts by controlling what enters your subconscious from your conscious mind.

 

It really is a “garbage in garbage out” scenario. If you continually feed your subconscious with negativity through the thoughts in your conscious mind then your subconscious will work against you. Your subconscious mind does not distinguish between positive and negative thoughts. It just accepts what your conscious mind feeds it.

 

The same is true for limiting beliefs. Maybe you were told as a child that “money doesn’t grow on trees”. This is a classic saying that many people tell their children. The problem here is that this can lead your subconscious to hold the belief that money is always going to be difficult for you.

 

Control your Thoughts

 

If you want to develop a winning mindset then you have to control your thoughts. You want to ensure that only positive and empowering thoughts permeate through to your subconscious. Your conscious mind is the gatekeeper to your subconscious and if you focus on something often enough with your conscious mind then this will feed your subconscious.

 

So, if you keep experiencing negative thoughts in your mind then you need to neutralize these with positive thoughts. For example, if you receive the thought that you cannot do something then counter this with a positive thought like “I can do anything”. After a while your subconscious will change this negative belief.

 

Why You Need A Strong Reason WHY

If you have a winning mindset then you will always be looking to set new goals for yourself to improve your life. You know that setting challenging goals will move you out of your comfort zone and help you to grow as a person. Achieving the goals that you set will reaffirm the belief in your subconscious mind that you can do anything.

 

The problem is that when you set challenging goals for yourself, they will not be easy to achieve. They wouldn’t be challenging if you could achieve them without breaking a sweat, would they? This means that you are in for some tough times ahead in the pursuit of your goals.

 

You need a strong WHY

 

Before you start working on your challenging goals you need a strong WHY. This is the real reason (or reasons) why you are pursuing the goal in the first place. Nobody wants to lose weight because they want to fit into their old clothes, they want to lose weight because they will look so much better and attract a lot of attention.

 

So when you are writing your WHY statement (yes you need to write it down) it is essential that you are completely honest with yourself. The best way to find out the real reason why you want to achieve a goal is to ask yourself why you really want to achieve it.

 

Your subconscious will not lie to you. It will tell you that you want to earn an additional $50,000 over the next year because you want to impress your partner, your family or your friends for example. The money itself is not that important. It is the power that the money will give you that is the driving force. You need to write this in your WHY statement.

 

When you are writing your WHY statement ask yourself how you will feel when you have achieved your goal. Visualize that you already have the extra money or that you have already lost the weight. How do you feel about this? Make these feelings strong by imagining yourself walking into a room with your pockets stuffed with money or your new sexy figure.

 

What will be the reaction of your friends or whoever it is that you want to impress? Write down all of the emotions that you experience in your WHY statement. This is very important and will go a long way to help you to achieve your goal.

 

Refer to your WHY statement every day

 

When you get out of bed in the morning you need to read your WHY statement. If it is very strong then it will inspire you for the day ahead. It is essential that you start the day off in the right frame of mind and a strong WHY statement will certainly do this for you.

 

You do not have to read your WHY statement out loud if you don’t want to, reading it in your head is OK. The most important thing is that it inspires you and evokes strong emotion so that you will be chomping at the bit to get started.

 

As you pursue your challenging goals then there will be obstacles that you have to overcome to progress. Some of these obstacles are likely to be major ones that you have never encountered before. If these things overwhelm you, it will be easy for you to lose your motivation. Get out your WHY statement and inspire yourself to carry on.

 

Want Do You Really Want?

People that do not have winning mindsets usually don’t know what they want. If you ask them what they want from their life you will get a blank look and you will see their mind churning trying to provide a somewhat intelligent answer.

 

If you don’t know what you want then you will get what life throws at you. Unfortunately, most people live their life this way. Why do they do this? Because it takes effort to work out what you really want. And most people do not want to put in any effort to change their lives for the better.

 

People with Winning Mindsets always know what they want

 

A person that has a winning mindset will always know what they want. They will know where they are going to be in a year’s time, five years, ten years and so on. Not only do they know what they really want but they have a plan to get it. 

 

They take the time out to look at the different aspects of their lives and identify the improvements that they need to make. This can be anything from acquiring new skills, becoming healthier, getting a better home or car or improving their relationships.

 

People with winning mindsets know the power of asking themselves the right questions. They know that asking questions about their life will stimulate their subconscious minds and provide them with the answers that they need. They use the answers that they receive to set new goals.

 

You can do it too

 

Find a quiet place with no distractions and take a pen and paper with you. Look at the different aspects of your life and ask yourself searching questions. You can take a look at the following areas of your life:

 

* Your business or career

* Your money

* Your health

* Your relationships

* Your skills

* Your contribution to the world

 

The areas of your life that you want to identify are entirely up to you. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Once you have identified these areas it is time to ask yourself the right questions to discover what you want.

 

So, you could ask yourself “am I happy with my current business or career?” If the answer is “no”, then ask yourself why this is the case. You might find that your business or career is not providing you with enough income for example. So, write down that you want to increase your income.

 

Go through this process for all of the different aspects of your life that you want to work on. When looking at your health you may decide that you need to lose some weight and for your skills you may need to learn how to be a good public speaker. It doesn’t matter, just write everything down.

 

Identifying what you really want

 

When you perform this exercise, you will probably end up with a number of things that you want to do to improve your life. People with a winning mindset know that they can’t take on too many new goals so they examine each item to see how badly they want it.

 

So, if you wrote that you want to increase your income ask yourself how badly you want to do this. Then imagine having achieved this already and notice how you feel about this. Go for the things that conjure up the strongest feelings within you.

 

Tips for Removing Negativity from Your Life

There is no reason that negativity is a drain. Most people will surely avoid negative people if as much as possible and will reduce their contact with them to an absolute minimum. But it can also be a downward spiral. So, what would do if you're suffering from an excess of negativity that's maybe even leading you into depression?

 

1. Be grateful more often

 

Gratitude is a powerful weapon against negativity.

 

It's pretty much it's opposite and once you learn to be grateful more often then you'll find that your negativity struggles to cope with your new found gratitude.

 

At first, just say "thank you" more often. Ideally out loud but at least in your head.

 

And if find necessary things to be grateful for - the air you're breathing, the clothes you're wearing, anything!

 

If possible, keep a gratitude journal and write down at least three things that have happened during the day that you're grateful for. This will help put your mind in the right place to sleep.

 

2. Get more exercise

 

Exercise releases endorphin into your body.

 

These are a natural "feel good" mechanism that acts faster, better and safer than any drug (prescription or otherwise), and they are generated when you exercise.

 

Exercise doesn't have to mean going to the gym or pool or even jogging.

 

It can be as simple as leaving the car at home for short journeys or parking a bit further away from the store entrance.

 

Or you could deliberately go out for a walk! That works nicely so long as the weather isn't too inclement.

 

3. Eat healthily

 

Comfort food is often anything but comforting.

 

It may be something you eat that gives you a quick sugar high, but that's soon followed by the negative side of eating food that's not exactly healthy.

 

Cut down on excess sugar.

 

Gradually cut down on the caffeine (it's not a good idea to remove caffeine from your diet in one swoop).

 

Make slightly healthier choices when you eat - even if that means reading the labels. A good rule is not to eat things where you don't understand several of the ingredients and wouldn't add them if you were making the recipe at home. So if you don't keep high fructose corn syrup, or it's artificial partner aspartame in your kitchen, don't buy products with them in.

 

4. Hypnotize yourself

 

Negativity isn't something you've chosen to do.

 

It's something your subconscious mind has developed as a protection mechanism for you.

 

And - just as you can't tell your nails to stop growing - it's not easy to remove negativity or depression at a conscious level.

 

Hypnosis works by working with your subconscious mind to subtly change your behavior and reduce the negativity in your life.

 

It's easy - all you do is listen to a hypnosis recording (easier and more flexible than visiting a hypnotist) and let it work its magic.

 

3 Ways To Improve Your Mindset

Occasionally life has a way of making us feel so small and breaking us down. Maybe you ultimately make a decision that you were all set to make an important transformation in your life but something or someone threw you off your high horse before you got going. 

 

Some people are not able to really put their wheels in motion while others are inexorable with their main goals in life. The truth is your mindset is usually what really makes the difference. Learning how to manage your thought patterns is what is going to keep you on the move when things fail to go as planned. Here are 3 ways to improve your mindset:

 

Start Off Your Day Strong

 

Your day’s effectiveness is normally determined in the first few morning hours. If you start checking the Facebook newsfeed and email when you get out of bed, you will start to drift down to the unknown. Front load your morning with an activity that will give you a positive mental focus. A brief brainstorming or workout session will help in keeping you right on track.

 

Take Control of What Goes In Your Head

 

Are you filling your mind with the awesome stuff or reading tabloids? You will never really understand how much of an impact this can have on your reality until when you’ll read Darren Hardy? The Compound Effect. Don’t mind making fun of yourself to get your point across. Learn to be proactive and disciplined about the things that you allow to go through your mind. We cannot make changes to our DNA, nonetheless, we can opt to be more and more vigilant about what sort of information we choose to consume.

 

Practice Gratitude

 

Recall what you are grateful for time and time again. Focus on the positive things that life has to offer as opposed to its negatives. Now this is not always easy but people are encouraged to keep trying. Think about how fortunate you are and keep a journal for the opportunity to fulfill your dreams each and every day. Have in mind that it is you who’s going to determine your reality. As such be grateful for that opportunity.

 

So, there you have it. The above three strategies have helped establish an amazing positive momentum in the lives of very many people. Come to terms with the reality that obstacles are inevitable and know your journey of finding your best self as well as improving your mindset.