How Come He Looks Fine?

Ever wondered why that “ex” of yours is sporting a wide smile days after your break-up? How about rumors that he’s been partying his night out with the boys? Do you smell something fishy? Yes, and you’re right. Something is surely brewing there. 

 

Don’t feel sad if you think that it is only you who’s having difficult nights. Men could sometimes be so good at hiding their real feelings. They could even make themselves look like they’re having a really nice time when in reality, they are also in tears! Well, if you are would want to know tell-tale signs that something is amiss, here they are: 

 

·    They may pretend to be the busiest during the peak of their “brokenness” – the tendency is to fill their hours with work so that when they come home, they will be so tired and there will no time to think of how hurt they are. So, if you see them finally accepting that long-postponed promotion, or devoting their day-offs to the gym, give yourself a wink, because it only means that they are as hurt as you are. 

·    You may not hear from him for a while - most often, this awkward silence hurts a lot of women. But, the truth is, men, when overwhelmed tend to process things slowly in their minds and that is simply why they shut up. This is actually to give themselves time to think. So, don’t expect to hear an explanation or openness to talk days after your break-up. 

·    They tend to “sleep” things out and that could include sleeping with others – this is one reality that is difficult to accept especially if “sleeping with others” is already is involved in your relationship issues. This can be explained by the “flight mode” they turn on when badly hurt emotionally.

 

How Come I See Her Around (Almost) All The Time?

It’s between you having a bad case of near-sightedness versus aliens having already invaded planet earth and is playing with time. Why do you keep seeing your ex? She’s literally everywhere – you see her while buying your morning coffee, you see her during your lunch break, again at the gym, at a friend’s gender reveal party, while clubbing and even at the groceries. 

 

Well, you are not hallucinating. The images are really her. That is because women have the tendency to follow you around after a break-up. But, don’t get your hopes up high. The reason could be because she’s making sure you are regretting your decision and that you are having the worst days of your life. Okay, so there would be some who would be wishing you happiness and all that stuff but, that would greatly depend on the reason of the break-up. 

 

How do girls face broken heart? Hint: It’s not all vanilla ice cream-laden! 

 

·    They can be a bit aggressive – This is to counter your deadening silence. Don’t worry, most wouldn’t go over a slap and a pinch. 

·    They, indeed, have the tendency to follow you around – this is to check if you’re miserable or if the rumors (between you and an officemate) are true.

·    They tend to get more attractive – one of the many things girls’ question after a break-up is the how they look. This is because, long term romantic relationships tend to make couples comfortable, even with how they dress and present themselves. So, after a break-up, they start remembering their secret stash of face clay masks and other stuff like snail goo. 

·    If a lot of friend requests are popping in your social media accounts lately, don’t flatter yourself much, it could be her – this is just to check you out without you knowing it’s her. Okay, these days, it’s called stalking but usually its harmless. 

 

It is indeed a complicated world of relationships. To know more, remember that eBooks are today’s relationship dictionaries. 

 

When is a Relationship Toxic?

Relationships that have already turned toxic or are really toxic right from the beginning are sometimes difficult to recognize especially when romantic love is in between. What makes a relationship toxic and why do you need to think it through? One thing you really should be wary of is that, healthy relationships help you become more mature, inspire you to reach your goals, make you feel good about yourself, etc. In some cases, all of which that constitutes a healthy relationship becomes or is absent in your current relationship without you realizing it. The consequences are devastating and sometimes could cause too much stress, despair and even depression. So, in order not to succumb to too much negativity in your life, here are red flags you need to be aware of when trying to spot a toxic relationship: 

 

• The blame game is ever present even in your petty arguments - Regarding who is at fault is not the focus of this red flag. Notice when your arguments tend to be thesis-like where you needed to defend yourself over and over again. 

• Misunderstandings often turn to full blown arguments instead of healthy communication of feelings - Though it is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships, even considered healthy at times. Too much of it is a no-no. When you notice yourself answering to combat and not to listen and it is slowly becoming your habit in every misunderstanding you have with your significant other, then red flags are up. 

• When you observe yourself being okay with not being true (to yourself and to the people around you) – Authenticity is one important characteristic of healthy relationships. If there is a need to be otherwise, then the red flag is up. 

• When you unconsciously start the habit of “avoiding” – little by little, you avoid friends, family, and other things you use to love like biking, dancing and karaoke with friends. When this happens, the red flag sways fast. If a relationship requires you to change into someone you are not, question yourself and the relationship. 

 

What are the Five Stages of Grieving?

To know the five steps of grieving is step one. To know what stage you are in is step two. The rest of the steps towards moving always starts with step one. So, here is a short guide, in case you’d want to know where exactly you are in.

Stage one is DENIAL

Another term used for this is the flight stage. At this point, the brain will try to protect you from hurting, thus, it will activate “flight mode.” The tendency during this stage is to make yourself believe that your relationship is still worth saving or that the breakup never really happened. This is the stage where men tend to spend their time at the gym or clubs while girls tend to stalk their exes. It is best to accept this stage but make sure to step up. Give yourself a deadline. 

Stage two is ANGER

This is the stage you usually would want to forget when you’ve moved on. This is the “crazy” stage where you sometimes will try to do things out of this world, out of your emotions. There could be dramatic confrontations, tearful storytelling to friend and a lot of angry text messages or emails that unfortunately were delivered. This is also the time where you start to blame yourself, your parents, your ex, your friends, and even your dog. 

Stage three is BARGAINING

Imagine yourself in a flea market having only three dollars and wanting a 4-dollar item. You will start to haggle with the vendor, right? Same is true in this stage. You will try all you can to bring back what you think you have lost. 

Stage four is DEPRESSION

It is an advantage to be aware that this stage will come, and you will experience it. Knowing this gives you an edge and hopefully, a better way out. Depression symptoms includes feeling sleepy all day, stress-eating, loneliness that won’t go away, etc. 

Stage five is ACCEPTANCE

Hooray! As they say, everything has its end. Hopefully, you won’t repeat the stages and really move on from your bad experience.

 

What to Expect After a Breakup?

They say that when you know what will happen next, then the chances of getting badly hurt could be a notch or two, lower than expected. This is why, reading about expectations after a breakup, matters. What really happens after? Are you expected to be friends with your ex? How do you react when you see his or her mom in a grocery store? And lastly, will you ever feel okay again? Find the answers below: 

 

• Some experiences that hygiene becomes a chore. The explanation could be that you are so focused on your emotions that your physical self is your least priority at the moment. 
• Many reported wanting and needing to be alone for long periods of time. Well, this is understandable especially when you start processing the situation. Just make sure that you have a deadline for your ‘alone time’ as too much of it could be a sign of depression already. 
• Some process breakups for months while others take days or years. A simple reminder that we are all unique individuals. 
• Because of feeling too much emotions at the same time, appetite-loss or increase in appetite could be experienced. This explains why people lose or gain weight during the process of moving on. 
• There will be lonely days ahead. You are human, and relationships create connections, healthy or unhealthy bonds, etc. This is why breakups will make you feel lonely. You invested in it emotionally. 
• There will be times when a song, movie or restaurant could make you cry like a baby. This could be embarrassing to experience, but memories are such tearjerkers that tears could fall even if you try so hard to distract your mind. The heart feels, indeed. 

 

To answer the questions above is to say, NO. You are not expected to be friends with your ex. Yes. You will one day move on and become a stronger person. 

Appreciating Y-O-U

Self-confidence, loosely defined as self-worth or the ability of a person to see his ability to judge, appreciate his qualities and trust his abilities. Well, that could be hard to swallow all at once, so let’s dissect it a bit. Self-worth seems easy at first, simply ask yourself: What am I worthy of? But when questions like these arise; a flashy car or respect, promotion or true love – the challenge starts popping its head. Oppps! Let’s put that aside and move on to the next: ability to appreciate his qualities. What are your good qualities? Will you name them? Can you make a list, perhaps? How about the not so-good qualities that you have? Are your fingers crossed that it’s not the longer list? 

 

Where does this come from, this self-confidence thing? Is it not innating in us all like breathing? And, what could happen if you have it, or you don’t? The truth of the matter is, self-confidence matters. It is a gameplayer which has a crucial role in your life – be it in the social, emotional, physical, etc. aspect. It should almost be always present. 

 

Well, the last paragraph seems a bit ideal, if you agree. This is simply because not everybody can attest to being self-confident at all times. And, those who claim does, maybe are the ones bordering narcissistic personality, eh? As they say, too much or too little of anything is dangerous. So, how are you to know that you have enough self-confidence to navigate the world around you? 

 

The good thing though, technology is at your back! Nowadays, there are numerous self-help books (and eBooks, kudos to the ever-applauded internet technology and its inventor), giving you the opportunity to choose which style/approach appeals to you! Self-confidence is a sure hit, just make sure you purchase the right eBook that will ease your doubts!

 

5 Questions to Question Your Self-Confidence

It’s not every day that you question your level of confidence, right? And, let’s admit, it’s not an easy task. So, what if you would like to know, as in right now, at this very moment, whether your confidence levels have the capacity to take you to the road to success? What you can actually do to self-assess is to answer, with all honesty, these five simple questions: 

 

1. Do you fear rejection? 

 

2. Your needs or other’s first? 

 

3. Do you have the tendency to simply “agree” just to avoid confrontations? 

 

4. How do you feel when someone “gets” what you’ve been dreaming of or wanting for the longest time? 

 

5. Do you sometimes feel being possessive of friends and family? 

 

Okay, okay…calm down. A “yes” to more than three questions doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going bonkers, eh? It is just gives you a wider view of yourself, a means of understanding deeper the real you. But then, also take into consideration that five questions wouldn’t define you. A holistic view may need more than five and thanks to self-help books and eBooks that are abundant everywhere. You are saved (for the meantime, though). The skill you need right now is being able to know where to find and how to find those “perfect books.” 

 

To start with, at least admit to yourself whether your self-confidence needs boosting or just a little push. This will help you decide what will do good for you. Ebooks are advantageous because you can download it straight to your smart phone and read anywhere. You also could feel less pressured finishing an ebook because you know that you can browse it anytime, anywhere. This way, you could spend more time relishing each fact and reflecting these that are not easy to admit, even when alone with your thoughts. May the force be with you! 

 

What to and Where to (Look For)

What? Not true love of course, but an eBook that will help you boost your self-confidence. Who knows, true love might follow the lead! If you are one of the many needing a little boost on their confidence level and have experienced feeling more confused than ever after searching the internet, this one’s for you. Hear Ye! Hear Ye! You are about to unravel the secret of google searching! 

 

Straight to the point, search for eBooks that have self-assessment questions – this will help you a lot in understanding yourself. More so, if you are to answer honestly, the more that you will know how to handle your given situation and choose your self-care path. Next, look for write-ups that at least two exercises that aims to help you self-assess. People usually wants to read self-help books alone and confront their fears alone. It is usually trying to define, pinpoint and accept at first by yourself. Well, there is no shame in that. It can be healthy for yourself as long as you now when to ask for help, in case things gets a little out of hand. So, looking for write-ups, books, eBooks that supports self-assessment really gives an upper hand. 

 

As a reminder though, not all self-assessment exercises are created equal. Choose the ones that you find are respectful of your uniqueness and supports self-acceptance. What do we mean by this? Take a look at these sample exercises: being naked and looking at yourself in the mirror while reciting affirmations that help you accept your unique physique and composition versus asking you to but an expensive make-up to cover up an old scar or protein powder packs to replace your meals. I hope you see the difference. I hope you recognize the big difference between the two.

 

You’re Short-Legged, Now What?

It doesn’t stop with the legs, you know – the curly/straight hair, the nose, the round or slit eyes, chubby fingers, the cellulite-filled thighs…well the list could go on. You could forever criticize the one body you have that will last you your lifetime. Yes! You read that right: one body, one lifetime. Whoa. A bit overwhelming to some, but reality bites. We are given the body that we already have and accepting its beauty and flaws can save you, a lifetime of woes, and that’s a lot. 

 

Again, being realistic here, acceptance is easier said than done. Especially now that one is bombarded with photoshopped images anywhere – ads, television, internet, malls, etc. Where does one start? Though, one could easily schedule an appointment to a surgical doctor and have one’s body altered under a knife, will self-doubt end there? 

How about focusing on your good, nice, perfect body parts? Have you ever tried noticing how well your ears are formed? How great your smile is? Aside from that, and one of the most lasting contrasts to self-doubt and one of the more positive ways of dealing with low self-confidence is focusing on having a good personality, on being kind and being a walking sunshine with a beautiful smile that actually includes your liver. How about all that? 

 

Self-confidence is crucial. It is an important factor that will affect the quality of your life in the next years. It contributes even to your well-being. Take charge. You can start by purchasing a nice book that can boost your morale without letting other people know that you are processing one important aspect in your life. choose ones that easy to read and full of positive content but will not make you delve away from reality, if you know what I mean (one that will not make you believe you’re a superhuman with super abilities) Especially with eBooks, it’s handy, discreet and can make you look chill.

 

How Fear Define You

Good news! The monster under your bed is gone. Remember the one you’ve been fearing for throughout your childhood? It is actually just a sock that Mom have been looking for, for ages! Fears, they actually evolve. From the fear of standing, falling, first day of school, monsters that lurk during lights off, a math exam, coming home late, being grounded, talking to a crush…until they become fear of yourself – your physical self and your whole being. Am I good enough? Can I do this? Will they be better than me? Will they laugh at my jiggly arms? 

 

Fear can do a lot. It can also lower your self-confidence and bring chaos to your life. But we all have fears, you may say. Yes, but once these fears become out of hand and starts controlling your life, then it is time to do something about it. Be honest to yourself and know what your fears are. It is the very first step to take before trying to fix anything. This process may take long, just do a list – no judging, no defining. Then, do a simple memory game - are there some events that you remember lead to these fears? You know, you may have accidentally held a mouse tail before and hence, your fear of mouse. If this is the case, then little by little exposure may help – a picture, Nat Geo episode, pet store…So goes with your other fears.

 

The same ideology can be applied to the fears that you have which can be defined as more “personal.” For example, your fear of meeting new people – of course, you will never gain self-confidence to meet other people if you choose to lock yourself in your room and stalk people you want to meet via their Facebook profiles, right? Get all the help you can avail of – eBooks, workshops, talks, etc. and start getting a grip of your fears, your confidence and your life!

 

Why Stop Being Negative?

Let’s drop the bomb and begin this article by being negative – you will never succeed in any endeavor you choose with a negative composure and outlook. And pretending not to be one but really starting to get pissed and defending yourself after reading the first sentence, will not either. Moving on, how NOT to be one then? 

 

Negative or negativity, let’s define as something that is obviously not something that is positive (for the good). It is a reaction to causes stress and unhappy feelings. It has the potential to wreak havoc to relationships, destroy possibilities and chances for growth and new beginnings. How so? For example, a negative person is faced with a situation, he will assume that everything is about him – the challenge, the heavy emotions, other’s reaction. Instead of thinking a healthy way out of his situation, he will be consumed by his negativity and can become stuck in the situation. Either that he will regress or be full of anger at anything that comes his way. The result? Nothing that will benefit him. 

 

The above is just one sample scenario showing negativity. I in real life, the chances are aplenty, the situations – repeatedly happens. Why suffer in this kind of cycle? Being in the nega-zone lowers your self-confidence even more. When you think that everything is against you, how can you confidently face people and situations? 

 

Lucky you! there are a lot of self-help and self-care options available in the market that will /can/may bring out the enthusiastic, positive and happy you! Who knows, the road to self- improvement may just be ten chapters away. Start with the short ones, those that are easy to read and carry. An eBook perhaps? And of course, remind yourself that it doesn’t end at the last chapter – walk the talk and you’ll turn out fine!

 

Five Tips to Boost Self-Confidence

Have you ever wondered how some people whose physical looks may seem to meet magazine standards but experience having a hard time being noticed in a crowd? How about that friend of yours who seem to fill a space with his funny stories and laughter? Remember that experience of yours when somebody with a beautiful smile entered your dull meeting room and suddenly filled it with radiance? The common denominator in these three instances is self-confidence. 

 

Indeed, self-confidence levels affects your life in ways that it really does matter. So, if you feel like lacking in that area, how do you boost it? Here are five easy ways: 

 

1. Always remember that no situation is permanent. Meaning, you have the power to change any situation you are in. 

 

2. Even emotions are not permanent – sadness, joy, pain, happiness. All these can change by the minute. 

 

3. What matters really is how you react to the different situations you will be faced in your lifetime and emotions you will have to go through day by day. 

 

4. If you focus on the negative, then chances are, it is all that you will see. Imagine how terrible your days ahead are. 

 

5. If you focus on the positive, then chances are, it is what you will see in every situation you will face, even the difficult ones. Imagine how light your life may/can be. 

 

And, if you notice, the list above is just five amongst the many ways to boost your confidence levels. If you want to start getting a grip at what’s essential, then there are lots of materials that can help you. Short eBooks are aplenty and comes in handy, can easily fit your lifestyle. Content-wise, to be honest, some are great while others are so-so. This is why you need to be a smart consumer and just don’t rely on beautiful covers! 

 

The Ugly Monsters of Today

Almost every adult issue stem from childhood. So, the best way to understand some of your quirkiness is to relive your childhood memories. But, remember to do it with preparation and readiness. If not, then you might just hurl down memory lane, hurt yourself a bit more and get stuck. Your goal is not to hate your parents more (just in case) or your bully cousin for pushing you on your 9^th birthday party. What you are trying to do is to remember where the ugly monsters of today are coming from, cut it at its roots, and plant new seeds (happiness, acceptance, forgiveness). 

 

Where to start? Keep in mind that just like any other task in your life, the beginning may not be easy but if to stick to it till the end, you just might get more than what you’ve been expecting. Below are starter steps: 

 

1. Make a list of your negative thoughts – you feel not accepted, you feel unworthy, you feel you are not capable of doing something.

 

2. Trace back important events in your life especially those in your childhood that really traumatized you. 

 

3. Think of the people involved in your important events and notice how you feel about them.

 

4. Tell yourself that everything happened in the past and that carrying that baggage of yesterday is quite a heavy burden to bear today.

 

5. Start unburdening. Start forgiving and moving forward. Come to think of it, the people you hold grudge to, may not even be aware of the hurt they may have caused you. especially if they too, are still young at the time of the event/incident. 

 

6. There will be situations where adults and important people in your life may get involved in your past issues. It is a reality though that in this situation, moving forward is harder. But it can still happen. 

 

Strengthen your will to improve your life. Only you hold the key.

 

Possible Reasons Why You Think and Feel Low About You

Why do you shy out when deep inside yourself, you know that you can? Why won’t you smile and rather sulk in a corner? When you have a better idea, why do you keep it to yourself? Are you afraid to be tagged as obnoxious? Or, are you afraid to make mistakes? 

 

There are countless reasons why you may think and feel low about yourself. Let us list down the possible top three.

Your possible lack of education

This can be easily combatted. Educate yourself through books, eBooks, seminars, workshops, etc. Nowadays, there are hundreds of free online courses offered by schools around the globe. Education can now be accessed easier.

Unresolved childhood issues

This can become quite ugly. Unresolved childhood issues have the potential to evolve into something uglier – like low self-esteem and ruin your adult life. It comes apparent in many aspects in your life- relationships, general and work attitude, etc. So think about it and do something about it. Now is the best time, always.

Not having supportive parents or having been neglected by nurturers

This is somewhat related to the second reason but this one includes every nurturer that you have come in contact with growing up. Now that you are not a child anymore and maybe an adult yourself trying to make ends meet, you may have a better understanding of why some