Signs You Struggle With Making Decisions

Director of the creativity for resilience program at Dell Medical School Carrie Barron M.D. suggests that people who struggle making decisions may be suffering from a variety of mental health issues. These can include depression, anxiety, and fear of failure. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-creativity-cure/201408/why-is-it-difficult-make-decisions#:~:text=Having%20difficulty%20making%20decisions%20can%20be%20a%20sign,sentiments%20of%20the%20person%20reaching%20out%20were%20real.).

 

Indecision regarding things such as what to wear or what to eat may not be major issues but a failure to make important choices can be a problem. This can lead to problems in our careers and personal lives leaving us missing out on important things. 

 

Being a Perfectionist

 

Psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. suggests that one of the signs that someone may be a perfectionist is an inability to make decisions. It may seem unlikely because you would imagine a perfectionist is very organized and would find decisions easy and for some they are. But there are some perfectionists for whom it is actually the opposite. 

 

A fear of making mistakes and being less than perfect can actually make perfectionists shy away from making choices. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201911/nine-little-known-signs-perfectionism).

 

Those perfectionists who struggle with decisions often find themselves overwhelmed by their options. They do not want to get the wrong food for a party or choose the wrong outfit. It can actually take them a long time to make simple decisions. 

 

Overthinking

 

Some people will plan and replan an event thinking of every eventuality. They overthink things almost to death and often end up being stressed out as a result. As a result of overthinking and over planning, they often struggle to settle on a decision.

Critical thought is important to good decision making which means overthinking tends to cloud that. It may be a tiny detail of something that holds up a bigger decision. 

 

Being a People Pleaser

 

Psychotherapist Amy Morin suggests that people pleasers hope by saying yes to everything it will make them feel accepted and liked. This means they have certain traits that make it difficult to make their own decisions. 

 

In an effort to please others they will make decisions they feel will make people like them. These are often not choices that are good for them. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/10-signs-youre-people-pleaser).

 

Rather than spending time on themselves doing what is best for them personally, people pleasers fill their time with other people's concerns. 

 

Low Level Jobs

 

Someone who is uncomfortable making choices will often reflect this in their choice of career. They may prefer jobs with well-defined parameters with little to no scope for initiative. Their mentality is to go to work, do the job they know and then go home again. They may well be hard workers and have been offered promotions but have turned them down.

 

The responsibility of making important decisions will make someone who does not like doing so avoid management level jobs. They struggle to make decisions in their own lives let alone decisions that affect others. 

 

Lack of Self Confidence

 

It takes a certain amount of confidence to boldly make important life decisions and this is something people with low self-esteem may struggle with. Someone who has little self-confidence may struggle to make simple choices such as what to wear based on a negative self-image. They may feel they do not look good in any clothes so it becomes a struggle.

 

A lack of confidence in yourself will likely lead to an inability to trust your own decisions. You don’t think you are able to make a good choice about things so you may avoid having to decide entirely. 

 

Final Thoughts

 

Decision making can be very difficult for those with little faith in their own abilities. They often prefer to let others make the important choices.

What Conflicts Contribute to Being Indecisive

At surface level, indecision may not seem too destructive yet can have unforeseen consequences. In 1973 Walter Kaufmann published a book titled Without Guilt and Justice, From Decidophobia to Autonomy. From this, “decidophobia” was initially coined as a term to describe a fear of making the wrong decision. 

 

Kaufmann states decidophobia or fear of autonomy as “nameless dread of the fateful decisions that mold our future.” Does this sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. Plenty of people in society today struggle with indecisiveness whether the decisions are small or large. 

 

Multiple things may contribute to being indecisive. If an individual has other anxieties and/or symptoms of anxiety, that may put him or her at a higher risk of struggling to make decisions. 

 

Genetics may play a small part if there is any family history of mental illness, specifically mood disorders like anxiety. Overthinking is typical for any anxiety-inducing situation. Overthinking leads to a decision becoming much bigger and scarier than it initially and actually is. 

 

Perfectionism is also a conflicting issue that can lead to being indecisive. When someone is so fixated on the outcome of a choice, it can easily cause anxiety toward making a decision. It is too easy to fall into the trap of looking back and thinking “what if I did this,” or “if I would’ve just done that instead.” 

 

In truth, there is hardly ever a clearly perfect decision. Life rarely presents with decisions that have right or wrong answers. People that wrestle with perfectionism in real life circumstances may view an array of options but see only one perfect path. They may see making the wrong decision as detrimental to happiness and prosperity. It is the fear of failure, or maybe even disappointing others. 

 

Making the perfect choices in life like choosing a partner, a career path, place to live, where to send your kids to school, etc. is impossible. Making informed choices is different than worrying over a choice for the sake of worrying. 

 

Self-doubt is another factor that may contribute to indecisiveness. This internal feeling may stem from past experiences or failures, or maybe not enough self-confidence has been established yet. 

 

Either way, if you do not feel competent enough to face and make decisions on your own, it can lead to not making a decision at all which can really hold you back from success in several circumstances. This can occur in general or may be associated with various roles such as professionally, in parenthood, or relationships just to give a few examples. 

 

In today’s world, we are overwhelmed with choices. Simply put, too many choices make it hard to make a choice! The Paradox of Choice, written by Barry Schwartz, is an ode to the idea that less is sometimes more. In the United States, we face so many choices to make on a daily basis. Many seem arbitrary like what will you have for breakfast, what toothpaste to buy, what song to listen to on your commute, etc. Cumulatively, all these choices can overwhelm the brain to where you don’t want to decide on anything at all, commonly referred to as “decision fatigue.”

 

If you struggle with being indecisive, there is no shame in admitting that may be the case. It is perhaps something easy to brush off but can lead to procrastination and avoidance. 

 

Putting off decisions rather than dealing with them, and stressing about putting things off, can quickly turn into a negative feedback loop caused by indecision. It is best to break the cycle as soon as possible. 

 

When Your Life Is Not As You Expected, Re-evaluate Some Pivotal Decisions You Have Made

"My life is a mess; how do I trace back my steps? " If you're asking this question, keep in mind that change is the one constant in our lives. The more we fight it, the more difficult life gets. Rather than resisting it, consider how you might adapt your life to accommodate the occurring changes around you. 

 

The urge to re-evaluate your life can arise from various circumstances: you may have just lost your job or been laid off, you might have gone through with a divorce, or you may feel disappointed, dissatisfied, or impatient with your present position.

 

According to LifeHack, "We cannot avoid the unexpected events in our lives. What we can control is how we choose to respond to them. It is our power of choice that enables us to activate positive change in our lives. 

 

Acting on our power of choice provides us with more opportunities to change our lives for the better. The more opportunities we create to change our lives, the more fulfilled and happier our lives become." Re-evaluating your life is often the primary step toward making a big change, a good move toward a better career, living environment, or even mental strength. If you're looking for tips to re-evaluate your life, here are some ideas to get you started.

 

According to LifeHack, "Every single decision we make in our days shapes our current reality. It shapes who we are as a person because we habitually follow through with the decisions, we make without even realizing it."

 

Life is a series of decisions to be made. We can live the best life imaginable if we make the right decisions. Human existence tends to follow a timetable, with many of us making pivotal decisions around the same time frame. 

 

A "pivotal" decision is one in which you purposefully choose between two or more alternatives, knowing that the result would have a substantial and often long-term influence on yourself or others. 

 

Given that you are aware that pivotal life decisions are always on the horizon, it seems prudent to always be ready. What we'll look at here is what those major decisions could be:

 

Career Decisions

 

One of the most significant decisions you will make in your life is choosing a job. There's a lot more to it than selecting what you'll do for a living. To begin with, we spend almost all of our time working till retirement. It is impossible to overstate the importance of choosing a profession that we enjoy. 

 

According to research by the UK government, "To understand the career decision-making process, it is vital to identify and understand what influences career decisions as this is the context in which career decisions are made. These influences can limit or frame available choices and also affect how an individual is likely to make a career decision."

 

Family

 

"Family decision making is a process that can be filled with tension, extremely pleasant and rewarding, both, or somewhere in between. In the decision-making process, families can address the differences among members." (Galvin and Brommel 2000). 

 

Families have faced various decisions, including whether to adopt children or not, selecting educational plans for children, vacations, having a pet, allocating limited finances, etc. Making pivotal family decisions is an inescapable part of life.

 

Finances

 

The grand declaration that frequently follows New Year's goals is a pledge to better your financial situation. Fortunately, accomplishing this goal may be one of the more pivotal decisions we get to make. Should you buy a home? Create a budget? Sell your house? Invest? Or take that loan; these are all decisions we all must face one point or the other.

 

Self-improvement

 

Self-improvement refers to the process of improving one's understanding, position, or character via one's endeavors. It's the desire to improve ourselves in all aspects of our lives. In summary, to decide to improve oneself is personal and pivotal for self-development and prosperity. Self-improvement has a beneficial influence on your work, health, interpersonal relationships, confidence, and personal life.

 

Relationships

 

When you're still single, you have complete control over your decisions. They usually require your approval and do not influence others (or so you'd like to think!) Moreover, when you're in a committed relationship, decisions made by you impact both you and your partner. Decisions like get married or not, get divorced or not, engage in sexual activities or not etc., all become pivotal decisions we must make.

 

Conclusion

 

Ultimately, the most pivotal decisions are those that influence not just you but also on people around you.

 

Why Major Life Decisions Are So Important

Making a significant choice about your life, whether it's changing jobs, relocating, or ending or establishing a relationship, maybe daunting, and you might be reluctant to choose a choice until you're completely sure. 

 

A "major" life decision is one in which you purposefully choose between two or more alternatives, knowing that the conclusion would have a substantial and often long-term influence on yourself or others. 

 

If you're unsatisfied with the outcomes in your life currently, making an effort to change your decisions beginning now will be the key to being the person you want to be and living the life you desire.

 

According to LifeHack, "Most people don't know the profound effects of making life decisions. Often, we go through life oblivious to what thoughts we are thinking and what actions we are taking. Every single decision we make in our days shapes our current reality. It shapes who we are as a person because we habitually follow through with the decisions, we make without even realizing it."

 

Some major decisions are made regularly. For many people, the first major decision is whether or not to attend university. Other significant decisions are far more one-of-a-kind. The decision-making process tends to overwhelm individuals. The following tutorial will teach you how to be more confident and make better judgments.

 

Do We Decide To Be Decisive

 

It's not so much the process of making decisions that scare us; it's the uncertainty of the outcomes and consequences of those decisions that we're most afraid of. No one is genuinely scared of heights; instead, they are afraid of falling. 

 

Making wise and productive judgments is a skill that can only be gained through life experience. We learn how to make decisions as children, even if we aren't always aware that we are being educated to do so.

 

Learn From Your Mistakes

 

We are human, which means we are imperfect and prone to making mistakes. It's unavoidable to make a poor judgment now and then. The most important thing we can learn from our errors is what we do with them. 

 

The only way to truly know if we made a good or terrible decision is to make those judgments, accept responsibility for the outcomes, and make efforts to fix any bad decisions we've made.

 

Making Better Decisions

 

Having made poor judgments and dealing with the consequences of those actions will serve as a tool to aid you in making better ones in the future. The next time you're making a tough decision, your best bet might be to do your research and then take a break before choosing. So says a study published in Science. 

 

The secret to making better judgments is to educate yourself and ensure that you are well-versed in all of the elements at play. When presented with a decision, the worst thing you can do is overthink it. 

 

Overthinking the matter will make it appear more difficult to make a decision. When faced with hesitation, remember that most terrible judgments can be reversed and that nothing is irreversible.

 

Things To Consider When Making A Decision

 

Determine the importance of the decision and the influence it will have on your life first. Secondly, make a list of everyone who will be affected by your decision. Not only will leaving your job affect you, but also your life partner, children, coworkers, business partner, and so on. 

 

Finally, the choice you make is yours to make, and it should be based on your contentment. Remember that when you're encircled by people who depend on you, every choice you make has an impact on them as well. 

 

Share The Burden Of Decision-Making

 

According to WebMD, "The adage "two heads are better than one" really is true when both heads are equally competent, new research finds." When making decisions that influence others, involve them in the decision-making procedure. 

 

By hearing different points of view that you may not have considered, you will also be making a decision that impacts others around you. 

 

Because the conclusion will be the product of a collaborative choice, the responsibility for the outcome will also be shared.

 

Why Regretting Decisions Is A Useless Activity: Instead Change Your Plan

I want you to change how you think of regret and decisions. The decision that you make feels right in the moment, but you later regret it. That doesn't do anyone any favors, you are beating yourself up for something that you cannot change. 

 

We all make poor choices and it doesn't matter how mindful you are or how intentionally you live, you will make bad decisions in the future too. Unfortunately, we rarely know it's the bad choice until much later. Regret is pointless. 

 

Mistakes are easy, but it isn't the mistakes that continually threaten your success because they are inevitable. It's how you react to regret that threatens or bolsters your success. What matters is how you resolve it and how you avoid making the same mistake again. 

 

Regret is, in my opinion, an emotion, which means that you should allow yourself to feel it but you cannot wallow in it. Like any emotion, it is valid but that does not mean it is accurate. The decision you made was what you felt was the right one in the moment. You may be able to anticipate potential consequences of different choices but you cannot anticipate regret. Emotions often serve as blinders and when you think with your heart rather than your head you can fall prey to this. 

 

No one intends to make a poor decision, they don't set out to make bad choices. If you are standing on the sidewalk waiting to cross the road you find out whether you make a mistake immediately. You looked both ways or so you thought, but your foot hit the asphalt and you see a car speeding in your direction. 

 

You may or may not have time to get out of the way, but you instantly know you make a mistake stepping into the road and you regret it. It felt like the right, safe choice, but it wasn't. 

 

You receive a text that infuriates you and you cannot remember feeling so angry in your life. Instinctively, you start tapping out a furious response. You wouldn't speak to this person like this face-to-face. 

 

In fact, you wouldn't speak to anyone like this normally, you are overtaken by your emotions and you hit send message and feel pretty great about it. It was the right choice and you rant about the initial message all day. You can feel your stress levels rising rather than falling and even though you toss and turn all night, by morning you feel calmer about the situation. That's when regret sets in. If only you could take it back. 

 

It may take longer to realize it was the wrong decision. You might choose to leave your job for another. It was a sideways step, but this new position seemed to have more room to grow. Within the year, the person who took over your job has a promotion that would have been yours and you have stayed standing still. 

 

There is only one way to deal with regret and that is to change your plan. You can't do anything more than making the decision that appears correct in the moment. 

 

You wouldn't make a bad decision intentionally so you need to cut yourself some slack and rather than steeping yourself in regret, look for the lesson.

 

A wrong choice is a way to gain experience and that is a lesson in what not to do next time.

 

Life is a learning curve and regret is part of that. You have to be brave and recognize when the wrong choice and the regret that follows is a symptom of something bigger, as in you're on the wrong track. Or, when it's just a thing you need to deal with and keep on moving forward. 

 

You Don't have to Become Some Sort of Mystic to Benefit from Meditation

There's a lingering stereotype about people who practiced meditation or some form of mindfulness. In the eyes of too many people, mindfulness practitioners are entering some sort of mystic or religious space. They believe that if you close your eyes or you recite an inaudible or silent mantra that you are necessarily praying or engaging in some sort of religious or spiritual activity. Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

Mysticism is very different from meditation. Typical meditation, and I’m not talking about meditation derived from spiritual practices, I’m talking about basic meditation, is all about becoming aware of your body and your mind in the present moment.

 

Mysticism is about awareness that is beyond you. You're reaching out to some sort of greater truth that can either extend back in the or forward into the future. These are two totally different things. People are comparing apples to oranges.

 

When you engage in mysticism, you engage in external truth that may have been written a long, long time ago or is actually timeless. Regardless of whether you approve of mysticism or not, I think we could all agree that this is a totally different animal from mindfulness or meditation.

 

When you're being mindful, you don't care about the past. You really don't. This is why meditation is so awesome to a lot of people who are trying to overcome some sort of trauma.

 

Maybe your father wasn’t there when you were growing up. Perhaps you were abused by your mother. Possibly, your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend abused you or cheated on you or betrayed. Maybe people laughed at you in the past.

 

Whatever the case may be when you practice meditation, you let go of the past. You're no longer going through your mental closet and unraveling very painful or traumatic memories only to put them back into the closet again, and then you repeat the process over and over. You take a break from that. You really do.

 

When you practice mindfulness, you are focused on one thing and one thing alone. You are focused on the present moment, nothing else.

 

The same applies to worries. If you are a worrier, meditation may be the solution you're looking for because instead of obsessing and wasting tremendous emotional and mental resources thinking about stuff that has yet to happen, you focus on what is.

 

You realize that the air coming out of your nostrils is real right here, right now. You are aware of how you’re breathing right here, right now. Nothing else.

 

This is why if you are still on the fence about meditation or mindfulness, understand it has nothing to do with mysticism. You don't have to become some sort of mystic. You don't have to become some sort of Shaolin or Buddhist priest. You don't have to do any of that. You just have to focus on who you are right here, right now.

 

Meditation is Rooted in How Your Mind Works

There are a lot of misconceptions regarding meditation and, by extension, mindfulness. A lot of people are under the impression that you have to have some sort of mystical religious belief for meditation to work for you.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth. When you practice meditation, you are tapping into processes that are already happening in your mind. You're not imposing something new onto it. You're not trying to make it do something that it normally doesn't do. Worse yet, you're not trying to get it to do something that it won’t do.

 

Instead, it's already proceeding in a certain way. It’s already operating in a certain way. When you practice meditation and mindfulness, you just align your consciousness with how your mind already works. This way, instead of your mind working against you, it works for you.

 

Believe it or not, when you think about traumatic experiences in the past or you worry about stuff that could possibly go wrong in the future, you are letting your mind work against you. The big tragedy to all of this is that you are doing it to yourself.

 

Nobody is pointing a gun at your head and demanding that you remain a slave to the traumatic experiences of your past. Nobody is slapping you around and forcing you to bow to your fears. Nobody is pushing you to be miserable because of things that may possibly happen in the future.

 

You're doing this all to yourself, and what makes this a tragedy is your mind is so powerful, so beautiful and so amazing but you task it to make you miserable. You choose to have your mind work against you to the extent that you feel stuck in your life.

 

Did you know that you can do whatever anybody else could do? Think of the most successful person that you know. Did you know that you can do what they do? When a thousand and one reasons appear in your mind explaining why you can’t do what they do or achieve what they achieve, that's your mind in operation. It doesn't have to operate that way. Sadly, you trained it to operate that way.

 

Meditation enables you to understand how your mind works and then choose the outcome of your thoughts.

 

What you focus on grows. The more you focus on your problems, the more they grow. The more you focus on your insecurities, the weaker you feel. The more you focus on your flaws both physical and emotional, the less attractive and the more doomed you feel. Stop it. It doesn't have to be that way.

 

Your reality is a choice. By understanding how your mind already works in the here and now, you can start making necessary changes that can take your life to the next level.

 

Get the inside scoop on how meditation works and how you can apply certain simple steps to change your thinking. It is probably going to be one of the best decisions you have ever made.

 

Believe me for people who have just discovered meditation, they get the feeling that they have just been released from jail. It's like day and night. When you enjoy the calm and serenity that meditation can bring to your life, you start thinking of why you’ve wasted all those years thinking the way you did.

 

Make no mistake you are always in control. I know that it's not a comfortable thing to here because you’d rather blame other people. You'd rather think that your life is set in stone by the past. If you really want to live a life of power, meaning and purpose, meditation is the key.

 

Believe it or Not You Do Have the Time for Meditation

Whenever I talk to people about the benefits of meditation or any sort of mindfulness practice, I get predictable answers. I really do. First, I get people who confuse meditation with some sort of religious practice. As you probably already know, we live in a secular world especially in Western Europe and North America. People simply do not want to hear anything about god, the deity or anything supernatural.

 

Regardless of whether you agree with that or not, this is the reality. The moment you engage in any kind of talk that comes suspiciously close to something supernatural or the divine, people shut off their minds. And that is on a good day.

 

On a bad day, you get somebody who would actually attack you. They would think that you're stupid. They would think that your IQ is very low. They might even accuse you of having extra chromosomes. It can get quite nasty. That’s just the world we live in. It’s very secular.

 

The other predictable objection I get about meditation is that they simply do not have the time. It is obvious that for too many people, time is a luxury. There are only so many hours in a day and they have basically overbooked their day. This is a fact. If they could, they would split themselves up and be found in different places at the same time. That's how busy they are.

 

Given this context, do people have the time or the energy to meditate? Well, if you can overcome your initial suspicion that meditation is somehow some way linked to religion and give it a shot, then the next problem is simple time management.

 

Believe it or not you have the time for meditation. First of all, you only need fifteen minutes or less. In fact, if you can invest five minutes or more to meditation, you're in a good place. You don't have to spend half a day. You don't even have to spend a full hour. Fifteen minutes is plenty.

 

You may be thinking, “Well, I don't have fifteen minutes.” Think again. Do me a big favor. List down all the things that you actually do at work. You'd be surprised as to how unproductive you really are. Sure, you're putting in eight hours a day, day after day, week after week, month after month.

 

That much is obvious. You’re overstressed. You’re overworked. You feel tired. However, look at the nitty-gritty of the stuff that you’re actually doing. I can bet you that you're not actually doing eight full hours of work. I’m talking about productive work here. I’m not talking about you checking out your social media updates. I’m not talking about you looking at your mobile phone to see what’s on Instagram or checking your e-mail.

 

I’m talking about actual work here. I’m talking about work that puts food on the table or at least the kind of work that your boss is paying you to do. I know it's uncomfortable to hear this because it is a moment of truth. If you were to compress those eight hours or filter it in terms of productivity, you probably would be lucky if you have two hours of actual work.

 

So, don’t tell me that you don't have time for meditation and mindfulness. You have the time. You just have to free up some of your unproductive activities.

 

Focus on the fact that meditation and mindfulness deliver a lot more benefits than whatever cost they bring to the table. Sure, you're out of fifteen minutes every day but can you really put a price tag on the sense of calm, inner peace and harmony that you get? Can you really put a price tag on the sense of calm, inner peace and harmony that you get? Can you really put a price tag on the amazing feeling of liberation that you often get after meditation?

 

You have to understand that you're carrying a lot in your mind. You’re worrying about a lot of stuff in the future. You even be carrying emotional baggage from the past. Those are precisely the kinds of things mindfulness will liberate you from.

 

So, stop looking at the price you have to pay and focus instead on the amazing mental and emotional riches that you stand to gain.

 

Mental Clarity is Not as Hard as You Think

What if I told you that your life is a series of choices? You probably would laugh at me. You probably would think that your life is not a choice.

 

You were born a certain way. You were born in a certain world. Obviously, this is not a world that you created.

 

In many cases, a lot of the consequences of your initial choices continue to haunt you to this very day. You might even be insulted at the suggestion that somehow some way you chose all the things that are happening in your life.

 

Unfortunately, moments of clarity, just like the truth, will often upset us or outrage us right before they liberate us. You have to understand that everything is a choice. Sure, nobody chooses that their house go up in flames. Nobody chooses to be dumped by their ex suddenly. Nobody chooses stage 4 cancer.

 

However, you can always choose how you respond. Believe it or not your response is actually more important than the state of your body, your finances, your career, your relationships, so on and so forth.

 

How you respond reflects your character. How you respond reflects your values. These are things that you can control. These can all be traced back to your thoughts. Do you actually believe that people who are very successful, rich, famous, beautiful are better than you?

 

Do you actually believe that they’re so fundamentally different from you that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you try, you would never ever be the same as them? Of course not. We all start from the same place. We all have the same hardware. The problem is the software that we choose to install.

 

If you look at your disadvantages, your past, your bad decisions and conclude from these that the best things in life are either behind you or are completely unavailable to you, you’re just playing a trick on yourself. This is mental clarity because we only differ in the software that we install. Guess what? That software is a choice.

 

This is why it’s really important to achieve a high degree of mental clarity because when you're clear about everything that happens in your life and its consequences, you know what you're dealing with.

 

This enables you to plan better. This enables you to respond better this enables you to map out the kind of life you feel you deserve. You’re no longer living your life for your parents. You’re no longer living somebody else’s reality. Instead, you are in control of your life.

 

This sense of control does not fall on your lap nor do you stumble over it. It's something that you worked for. It is something that you intentionally desire and realize. To make all that happen, mental clarity is required.

 

The good news is mental clarity is not as hard as you think. It's not as unavailable or elusive as you have imagined. In fact, using a fairly simple series of steps, you can unlock mental clarity.

 

Of course, at first, you're going to be fumbling around. You're probably going to be taking baby steps. But guess what? Baby steps forward are still steps forward. Go ahead and take them. Get a clear understanding of how mindfulness can help take your life to a whole other level. It doesn't take much time and, eventually, it doesn't take much effort.

 

Acknowledging Your Thoughts Don't Have to Mean Getting Owned by Them

Has this ever happened to you? You think about your ex-girlfriend and you feel this sudden rage or sadness. You feel about how she used you, tricked you, betrayed you and cheated on you.

 

Alternatively, do you feel like she was the one that got away? You remember how beautiful she was, the sound of her voice, how she made you feel, how smart she was, how kind and loving she was. You feel this empty void in your life. You feel that the very best thing that ever happened to you slipped through your fingers.

 

What if I told you that these experiences are not really different from each other? They all have the same process. They all operate out of the same place in your mind. They all follow the same sequence. It's actually very predictable.

 

You start with some sort of mental trigger. This can be a mental image you remember. This can be a sound that somebody made which triggered a memory. Whatever the case may be there is some sort of trigger both within your thoughts or things you perceive from the external world and this this pushes you to feel certain things which lead to certain actions that you or may not regret later on. Sounds familiar? Well, that’s how most people respond.

 

This is why a lot of us have a tough time separating our thoughts from our emotions. The moment we start thinking about something that stress us out, we start shut down. We just feel overwhelmed by negative emotions. The problem here is not the thoughts themselves. Those thoughts will always appear.

 

Guess what? There are a lot of people who there who sound just like that amazing ex-girlfriend or boyfriend that you had. There are a lot of people who sound or look like that horrible boss that you had in the past or humiliated and embarrassed you. There are a lot of people out there who may do things that remind you of that teacher who insulted you or made you feel small and dumb.

 

The issue here is how are you going to respond to that? How are you going to process the triggers that life sends your way so that they work for you instead of against you? At the very least, how can you process all of this information so that at least they produce a neutral result instead of a negative one?

 

It's very easy to get all caught up. It's very easy to let our emotions get the better of us. We get triggered by a certain sound, taste, smell or sight. Whatever the case may be we get triggered and all these memories come back, and we interpret them as these very negative things. Sooner or later, we start saying negative things and, before we know it, we habitually do things that we regret later.

 

This is the process and, although it may seem automatic, please understand that this is not set in stone. It isn't. It's a choice. It may seem like it’s your instinct or it may seem like it’s even part of your personality or part of who you are, but it isn't. That’s just an illusion. These are all choices.

 

The moment that mental image flashes of your girlfriend, and your best friend in the past hooking up behind your back, you don't have to feel angry, betrayed, used, abused, small, weak, powerless, ugly, unattractive or unappealing. You don’t have to do that. You don't have to ride that train.

 

How do you do this? Well, click here for a simple technique that would enable you to see things without the emotional baggage. You can learn how to acknowledge your thoughts without getting owned by them.

 

When your thoughts own you, your worst instincts take over. Your worst emotions get the better of you and guess what? It doesn't lead you to a good place. It leads you to place of powerlessness. It leads you to place of smallness. It leads you to a place of regret, guilt, remorse and fear.

 

Use this technique to start taking control over these mental triggers. They already happened. There's nothing you can do about them. It’s not like you can hop into some sort of time machine and change what happened in the past.

 

What you can change is your response to them in the here and now. They don't have to own you. They don't have to define you in a negative way. You have a lot more control than you give yourself credit for.

 

Your thoughts, your ability to judge the external world, these are not set in stone. They're not automatic processes. They are not “part of who you are”. You can take ownership of them. You can take control of this process and let it lead to a totally different place.

 

What place is that? A place of empowerment, contentment, happiness, fulfillment, responsibility and self-control. The choice is up to you.

 

Can You Really Watch Your Thoughts Like Clouds?

I remember when I was a kid, my favorite activity was to go to a small hill near our place and lean back to watch the sky. I would go up there with a few friends and we would lean back against the soft grass and just watch the clouds roll by. 

 

What made the whole thing fun was we’d be looking at the exact same thing, but my friends and I would come up with totally different ideas about what we were looking at. I could be looking at a cloud and I would see some sort of tricycle or a bus or even a giraffe, but my buddy would say that it looked like a horse, a dog or plant.  

 

Another friend would chime in and say that the cloud looked like some person or celebrity. We all knew that there was no right or wrong answer. That’s what made it fun. It’s kind of like a collective way of jogging everybody’s imaginations. It was a way of inspiring each other or stirring up jokes. 

 

Did you know that you can do the same with your thoughts? You can develop enough of an emotional distance from your thoughts, that you can just lean back and acknowledge them. There’s no need to freak out. There’s no need to get predictably angry or upset when some sort of mental image comes to mind. You can process your thoughts just like clouds. 

 

When clouds come over, and it doesn’t matter how dark they are or how much rain they contain, sooner or later, they will blow away. Sooner or later, they will pass. It is not surprise that a lot of people who view their thoughts like clouds develop an attitude of “This too will pass.” I want to wrap your mind around that because I know, at this point as you read this article, you may be obsessing about things in the future or in the past. 

 

Maybe something bad happened to you in the past. Maybe you’re embarrassed about something. Maybe you are feeling bad about something that somebody else did to you. By understanding that you can acknowledge these thoughts without being owned by them is the most liberating feeling that you could ever have. 

 

You no longer have to let your emotions get the better of you. You no longer have to worry about your past having such a hold on you, that it prevents you from moving on. This is liberation. What’s so awesome about it is, all that it takes is for you to change your attitude about your thoughts. They’re not present reality, they’re interpretations. 

 

You can choose your interpretations. You can switch your focus to interpretations that make you feel stronger, worthier, more beautiful and happier. That’s how you edit your reality and that’s why you have to learn the mental techniques that will enable you to watch your thoughts like clouds. 

 

Are You Aware of What You Feed Your Mind?

There is this ancient Native American legend of a wise man who walked from town to town with one white wolf and one black wolf. He was walking from town to town with each wolf on either side. Now, it’s obvious to the townsfolk that the black wolf is very ferocious. If they get anywhere near that animal, it will tear them apart. That is not a theory, that is guaranteed. 

 

They were asking the old man, from a distance, “Which of these animals get bigger and stronger?” What they were really trying to ask is how they could approach the old man. He said, “Whoever I feed gets the upper hand.” This ancient Native American legend really speaks to our collective subconscious. 

 

If you are struggling with memories that make you feel small, weak, powerless, voiceless or somehow stuck in your life, maybe you’re feeding the wrong memories. Maybe you’re feeding these memories by interpreting them in the worst way possible. Maybe you are feeding your insecurities, your pride, your fear, your anger. 

 

Now, just because it has been happening for a long time, this doesn’t mean that this is who you are. Let’s get that clear. A lot of people know that they are unhappy. They know for a fact that they are miserable, but they cannot get those invisible chains off their wrists. Do you know why? They have grown accustomed to them. 

 

Certainly, they’re going to deny this to your face. But deep down inside, they have grown accustomed to them. A lot of people are too quick to trust the devil they know, rather than to take a chance on the devil they don’t know. It may well turn out that that alternative doesn’t have to be a devil. It could be an angel. 

 

Unfortunately, they would never know because they feel that they are stuck. This is the best they can do and they had better not shake the boat. Well, that’s a problem because you know that you are unhappy. You know that you’re not living up to your fullest potential. You know that you are feeding the worst instincts in your mind, but you don’t lift a finger. 

 

Understand that once you become aware of what you feed your mind, you would start to see the big picture. All the pieces will start to fall into place and you would have all the things that you need to make real change in your life. But this is all a choice. You have to be aware that you’re feeding your mind certain things. 

 

How do you feed your mind? By analyzing things a certain way. Did you notice my wording? I did not say “bad” or “good,” because those are value judgements. What I’m trying to focus your mind on is the fact that you are judging. Take control of that analysis process. Understand the consequences of your mental choices. 

 

Whatever it is that you’re struggling with eventually can be traced back to your choice of interpretation. It’s all an interpretation because you look at how the world treats you, it’s all neutral. It’s you who puts meaning into things. It’s you who judges things in such a way that they can either push you up or drag you down. 

 

The key to all of this is to be aware of what you feed your mind.

 

Personal Power is a Choice

I want you to think about the most successful person that you know. Maybe it’s that millionaire uncle who lives in a big house up in the hills. Maybe it’s your friend’s dad who drives the latest Ferrari. Maybe it’s your mom’s uncle who started with nothing and became a multibillionaire. Regardless of which person you have in mind, I want you to focus on who they really are. 

 

What kind of choices did they have to make to get to where they are now? Of course I’m not talking about people who just simply won the lottery. I’m not talking about people who married a very successful person. I’m talking about people who lifted themselves up from nothing to turn themselves into something. 

 

It doesn’t even have to be all that big or dramatic. Somebody who just came from dirt poor to middle class is good enough. What do they all have in common? Well, here’s the reality. They use their power of choice to change their lives. Everybody has this power of choice. That’s right. No matter how seemingly stuck, frustrated or powerless you feel, you still have that power of choice. 

 

The big difference between your life and theirs is that you use your power of choice to achieve certain results. They used theirs to achieve their results. The big difference is not whether you have a choice or not. The big difference is how you use that power of choice. I want you to understand this. 

 

I want you to wrap your mind around this fact because it will lead you to the same conclusion that I have. My conclusion is that we all have pretty much the same hardware. We all have two eyes, one nose, two ears, one mouth, you name it. We are all pretty much built the same way. It doesn’t matter what the color of our skin may be. The texture of our hair doesn’t matter. When it comes to hardware, we’re basically the same. 

 

The big difference is the software we choose. If you are unhappy in any way with your life, choose to install better software. Personal power is a choice. Those people who all that money, power and respect, they were not born with it. They also had to struggle like you. The difference is that they are aware of their power of choice. 

 

They are aware that when they make a decision, sooner or later, what they desire will become a reality. Obviously, if you’re reading this and you are struggling in any way, this is not what you see in your life. You can even plan all you want, but nothing seems to happen. It boils down to the choices that you are making. 

 

Using this technique, you will be able to see your choices through, so instead of just hoping and wishing, you can actually see them turn into a reality. Please understand that it’s all a choice. You have to choose right here, right now.