Why Didn't They Tell Us Happiness Is a Choice?

A few lessons time teaches us are difficult to accept. The biggest is probably that the most important, wonderful, and influential people in our lives will sometimes be taken away from us. Older folks will tell you that you never get over the pain of losing a loved one. You try to focus on all that person's great memories and good qualities.

 

In other words, you choose to focus on good things rather than obsess over not having that person in your life anymore. You make a choice. Instead of reacting, you take a proactive approach. You act on the memory of that person positively rather than negatively.

 

Another Choice You Can Make in Life Is to Be Happy or to Be Sad Most of the Time

 

The earlier in life you can figure this out, the better. This knowledge doesn't come to everyone. You may know someone who doesn't realize that happiness is a choice. Some people live their entire lives embracing negativity and believing that the world is out to get them.

 

Let's imagine for a second that you are that type of person. 

 

Nothing good ever happens to you. If it does, it's by pure chance. Life will certainly return to its old routine of knocking you down and kicking you while you're there. Every person, thing, and experience you encounter will undoubtedly cause stress, strife, sadness, and other negative emotions.

 

Living life as this poor soul, one day, your company decides to part ways with you. You're fired. It's not that you were a particularly terrible employee. It's just that the company is downsizing, and you've got to go. This doesn't surprise you, of course. The passage of time has taught you repeatedly that you are the whipping boy of the universe.

 

Now Imagine for a Moment That, for the First Time in Your Life, You Realize You Have a Choice

 

You can view this as just another of the many mistreatments life has dealt you. Or you can look at this as a wonderful opportunity. Now you've got time to start that project you've always dreamed about. You see the silver lining in the cloud rather than just another rainy day.

 

We all have choices. Every day we're given the ability to steer our life in any direction we desire. We can accept that life is tough and there's not much sense in making an effort. Or we can now decide to take action and start doing the things that give us meaning and purpose. Don't live most of your life and discover that you can choose to be or feel anything you want. That's your choice right now. Embrace that idea and start living your best life today.

 

How To Start Meditating

Getting started with meditation is a lot easier than you may think. There isn’t any special equipment you need to buy or classes you should be taking. While buying a book, a guided meditation audio recording or an app for your smartphone are certainly options, you don’t even have to do that to get started. I’ll share everything you need to know to get started meditating right here in this post. 

 

Start by getting comfortable in a spot that’s as free of distractions as possible. You want to sit down either on a chair with your feet firmly planted on the ground, or sitting cross-legged on the floor. If you sit on the floor, you’ll be more comfortable if you sit on a cushion. It’s important that you can sit in whatever position you choose comfortably and that you’re keeping your back straight. Slumping may make you sleepy while you meditate, and bad posture may cause you discomfort after a while. 

 

Before we start with the actual meditation, let’s get back to distractions. In the beginning, you want to cut as many of them out as possible. Choose a quiet spot where no one will interrupt you. Turn off the ringer on your phone, close the blinds if you think it will help to create a calm and soothing space. You won’t always have to go through all this trouble to meditate because, after a little practice, you’ll be able to do the little meditation exercise I’m about to share with you anytime, anywhere. But like any new skill, meditating can be a little hard in the beginning. It sounds simple enough, but it’s easy to get distracted. That’s why it’s important to set yourself up for success by cutting out any distractions you can. 

 

Here’s how to meditate. Sit down, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Notice how the air flows in and out of your nose and mouth. Try to think of nothing else. This is the hard part and something that takes practice. Start meditating for a few minutes here and there and increase the time as you move along. Don’t judge yourself when your thoughts stray. Keep bringing yourself back to the sensation of the breath anytime you notice that you’re thinking of something else. 

 

That’s all there’s to it. Getting started with meditation is simple, but like any new skill, it takes practice. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stick with it and keep practicing these new meditation skills. You’ll be glad you did.

 

7 Secrets to Reclaiming Confidence that Successful People Know

Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” 

 

The problem is, enthusiasm can be hard to come by, especially when yours has taken a beating. Setbacks and disappointments have a way of knocking it down. We start doubting ourselves and lose sight of who we really are. Without confidence, it becomes impossible to try, guaranteeing failure. 

 

Thankfully, we know one thing for certain: confidence can be reclaimed, as every successful person knows. Read on to discover 7 things successful people know about reclaiming confidence.

 

They Remind Themselves They Can Do It

 

Successful people recognize failure is normal. Getting there won’t be without bumps. The important thing when trying to regain confidence is to realize success is still a possibility…or even a probability. This is where you remind yourself of your goal and visualize success all over again.

 

They Walk Away

 

There comes a time where a break is the best thing you can give yourself. Confidence wavers when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Doing a hobby you love, or even just taking a walk, or spending time with friends, does a lot toward regaining a positive mindset when you’re feeling frustrated.

 

They Revisit the Past

 

Where have you succeeded before? Where have you failed? Everything that’s come before is a teaching moment. What do you know about yourself already from these events? Understanding the “you of yesterday” is where your insights today come from. Confidence comes from using this knowledge well. 

 

They Forgive

 

Hating yourself for some mistake you made isn’t going to get you anywhere and only destroys your confidence. Being able to let go and forgive the past is crucial to future success.

 

They Keep a Handle on What They’re Saying

 

Self-talk can be particularly destructive to confidence. How do you talk to yourself? Are you patient and understanding, or do you tend toward negativity? Grabbing hold of those mental put-downs will preserve self-confidence. Using more positive statements will build it up.

 

They Start Over

 

The only sure way to fail is to do the same thing, in exactly the same way, when you’ve already failed the first time. Rather than force failure onto yourself and eradicate confidence, revamp the strategy. Ask yourself how you can do things differently this time.

 

They Keep Trying

 

Persistence pays off. If you fail and stop, you’ll always think of yourself as a failure. It’s the person who gets up and tries again who builds confidence as they go. 

 

In the end, the only way to reclaim your confidence is to put intentional work into recovering it. By using these tips, you’ll get there. Recognize the process can sometimes be slow, but success truly does still lie within your grasp, even after a setback.

 

8 Ways To Prime Your Brain For Success

Our brains are essential for the quality of physical and mental performance. Smoking, excess alcohol, stress, or poor dietary habits, to name a few, can have a significant detrimental impact on our brain functionality. These habits also contribute to high blood pressure, cognitive decline, and dementia.

 

Fortunately, habits can be changed, and new strategies can be learned. The following tips can help to improve your brain and prime it for success.

 

Try the Mediterranean Diet (MeDi)

High-quality foods are essential for your brain health and physical fitness. The Mediterranean diet focuses on plant-based foods such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, beans, fish, whole grains, and healthy oils like olive and avocado oils. 

 

Based on a study of 502,536 participants, people who followed the principles of the MeDi had a 23% less chance of developing dementia. Also, research has found that the MeDi may improve your cognitive capabilities, such as memory.

 

Reduce Stress with Mindfulness Relaxation

Chronic stress can have a significant harmful effect on brain function. Yale Medicine defines chronic stress as “A consistent sense of feeling pressured and overwhelmed over a long period of time.” In today’s hectic world, there are many causes of chronic stress, such as life changes, an unpleasant career, or family dysfunction. When stressed, the brain increases glucocorticoid production, including the stress hormone cortisol. 

 

Mindfulness is a form of meditation that helps you focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past or situations causing you to worry. Other key concepts include paying attention to your surroundings, accepting yourself, and focusing on your breathing.

 

Be Physically Active

The Center for Creative Leadership asked over 1,500 executives how exercise impacts their performance. Approximately 90% said that physical activity “clearly impacts” their performance, 12% reported “some impact,” and no one reported zero impact.
Respondents reported that regular exercise improved mental clarity and focus, increased alertness, and improved problem-solving.

 

In addition to improving your brain, exercise has physical benefits such as lowering blood pressure and cholesterol, reducing anxiety, improving sleep, and strengthening your immune system.

 

Stay Mentally Active

 

The human brain must be exercised like a muscle; if your brain doesn’t get sufficient exercise, the result can be early cognitive decline. There are many activities that you can do to give your brain a workout, such as reading, learning a new language, playing games, or working on a jigsaw puzzle.

 

Sleep Well

The importance of sleep and its effect on your brain should not be underestimated. When you sleep deeply, the brain repairs itself and rejuvenates your immune system. When in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, the brain compiles details you learned during the prior day.

 

Inadequate sleep contributes to feeling exhausted, can cause concentration, mood, and memory disorders, and suppress your immune system.

 

If you cannot go to sleep or stay asleep, create a bedtime routine by going to bed at the same time nightly and waking up at the same time in the morning. Over time, this will help set your internal clock and become a regular sleep pattern. Also:

 

• Turn off your electronics at least two hours prior to bedtime. This includes cell phones, computers, and social media.
• Eliminate caffeine after 12:00 p.m. The most common sources of caffeine are coffee, tea, soda, and chocolate.
• Avoid eating before bedtime to prevent gastrointestinal issues that may keep you awake.

 

Avoid Smoking

While you may feel that cigarettes or cigars help to calm you and are pleasurable, there are risks to brain functionality. A study by the American Heart Association (AHA) found that smoking is associated with cognitive decline, leading to worsening performance. 

 

Be Socially Active

Social interaction can help to reduce stress and depression, preventing memory loss. Look for ways to interact with others, especially if you live alone. Brain atrophy has been linked to a lack of socialization. Being socially active can strengthen your brain health. 

 

Find Inspiration

The things we tend to take for granted can be inspirational and good for brain health. For example, Psych Central notes that watching the sunrise gives you a feeling of awe, bolsters your mood, and helps you to have a “big picture” mentality where we view situations broadly rather than focusing on limited details. It opens your mind to evaluating scenarios entirely rather than breaking them into detailed parts. 

 

People may also find inspiration from art, visiting a park, or watching the sunset.

 

Conclusion

 

A healthy brain keeps our sensory, cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and motor functions working smoothly. It is essential to develop good habits such as eating properly, being physically, mentally, and socially active, and getting sufficient sleep.

 

Practicing the preceding tips can boost brain health, priming your mind for success and well-being!

 

References

https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-023-02772-3

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5502874/

https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/stress-disorder

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356

https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/spotlight-on-exercise-and-leadership/

https://brainfoundation.org.au/healthy-brain/

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/str.53.suppl_1.WP17

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/addressing-your-mental-health-by-identifying-the-signs-of-anxiety-and-depression

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/maintaining-healthy-relationships-is-important-as-we-age

 

The Balancing Act: Letting Go Of The Need To Control Everything And Finding Harmony

As chaotic as modern life can be, you can find balance. It's difficult to get it right, especially when you're trying to embrace life's spontaneity while also creating an efficient routine to maximize your time and opportunities. 

 

There's a big part of it that requires control, the problem is that the desire for too much control can stress you out and make you incredibly anxious. This need for too much control steeps you into a state of perpetual tension. Here, we talk about the balancing act and the art of letting go. 

 

Control is an Illusion 

 

Control is an illusion, it's the idea that you can dictate all of the outcomes throughout your life. There are, of course, certain things you can control. If you're getting a degree, license, or qualification in something, you can control the level of study you put in for the testing process. That's in your hands. 

 

Not everything is that simple, though, and the reality is most things in life are inherently unpredictable. So, the more you cling to this illusion of control, the more stressed out you become and the more frustrated and disappointed you feel when things don't go your way. Accept that there are limits to what you can control. 

 

Embrace the Uncertainty 

 

Some of the beauty of life lies in its unpredictability, some of the greatest moments of your life probably came from nowhere. Embrace that uncertainty, it might be a shift in your perspective, but it gives you the freedom to navigate new situations with more grace and patience. Don't resist change, don't avoid unpredictability, lean in, and recognize there's a chance for growth. 

 

Cultivate Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness is a useful tool and a powerful one in your journey to let go and find balance. By cultivating a level of mindfulness, you are detaching yourself from the desperate need to control everything. Focus on the present, find peace, and enjoy clarity in the here and now instead of getting caught up in the past or obsessing about the future. 

 

Identify Your Areas of Control 

 

As important as it is to understand how limited your control is, it's just as important to recognize your areas of control. When you understand what you can control, you can focus your efforts and energy on those areas to maximize that control. It also gives you a deep sense of empowerment, without the added burden of managing something that's unmanageable. 

 

The Process

 

While some people think letting go is showing weakness, the reality is it's recognition that you are human. Sometimes, you have to surrender to the process and let life do what it's going to do without trying to control every single detail. You can't micromanage, so don't bother trying!

 

The Joy of Imperfection 

 

There are two big issues that plague us – the need for control and perfectionism and they go hand-in-hand. When you embrace imperfection, you're letting go of control – you're letting go of the idea that everything needs to be flawless and freeing yourself from the unrealistic expectations society places on you. Find joy in those imperfections, that's where you can flourish. 

 

Embrace Self-Compassion 

 

Self-compassion is the final piece of the puzzle because you can't let go and find balance without it. You need to recognize that it's okay that you don't have it all figured out, that it's okay if you're still making mistakes – it's all part of the human experience. `Treat yourself with kindness in those moments of uncertainty. 

 

Final Thoughts

 

There is a delicate balancing act between leaning into life and letting go of control. You have to make a conscious effort to loosen your grip on those reins, but in doing so, you will finally be able to find harmony in life! The biggest secret out there is you'll find harmony in this moment, which means letting go and enjoying every moment for what it is. 

 

The Science Of Happiness: Strategies For A Joyful Life

Life can get messy and unpredictable sometimes and some things are just out of our control. The way we react to certain triggers and situations and how we show up in life determine how joyful or miserable our lives can turn out to be. It takes intentional action to make life joyful and live a happy life. 

 

As the famous quote goes, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it that matters.” - Epictetus

 

Below are some strategies for living a joyful life: 

 

Find and Prioritize Your Purpose

 

If you want to live a joyful and fulfilled life, finding a purpose is key. Some people may find purpose in their work and job, but you can also find it outside of paid work, such as doing something for the good of the community or society.

 

Look inward and think about something that you feel passionate about, that gives back to the world, that can bring in some income, and that you are good at. This is most likely to be your calling. When you find and prioritize your purpose, you have something to look forward to and wake up to every morning. It gives you a sense of purpose and joy when you fulfill your purpose, leading to a happy and satisfied life. 

 

Nurture Relationships

 

When we look at the centenarians from the Blue Zones, we see that they highly prioritize and nurture their social relationships with friends and family. They live a simple life where one of their focuses is to build and nurture supportive relationships. 

 

Even at 90 years old, these people are seen to be fit, healthy, and happy free of any chronic diseases due to their lifestyle and familial support. Therefore, it is important to learn a lesson from the people of the Blue Zones that nurturing healthy relationship has a positive impact on living a happy life. We all need support in our lives, a shoulder to cry on, and like-minded friends to share the joys of life with. 

 

Let Go of Things that No Longer Serve Us

 

Life is full of different phases and each phase requires a different and more evolved version of you. To live a joyful life, learn to let go of things, people, situations, and memories that no longer serve you, and be clear on who and what deserves to move forward into the next season of your life. 

 

This can help you let go and embrace release, leading to a happier life. To live more joyfully, learn to let go of perfectionism and how you think life ‘should be’ or what ‘could have been.’ Embrace the present moment fully and declutter your life of habits, negative mindsets, toxic relationships, and feelings of regret, guilt, or shame from the past. Learn to let go of any emotional baggage that may deter you from living a joyful life. 

 

Be Kind and Compassionate to Yourself

 

Self-care is an integral part of living a happier life. This can simply mean being kind and compassionate to yourself by not talking negatively to or about yourself. It could also mean practicing self-care like taking time out of work to rest and wind down instead of overworking yourself, focusing on improving your mental and emotional well-being, taking care of your body, and whatever else you may prefer as self-care. 

 

To be happier, you should ditch the negative self-talk, rewire, and reframe your mindset to be more kind to yourself, and see how your life shifts from misery to joy. 

 

Joy can look different to every person. What you perceive as joy may not be the same version for someone else. Some may find joy in nurturing relationships while others may prefer some ‘me time’ with themselves in solitude. 

 

It is important to discover your version of joy to live a happier life. Lastly, remember to fill your cup first so that you can pour it into others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so find your purpose, do activities that enrich your life, let go easily, lean on others, and laugh more to live a joyful life. 

 

Finding Balance: Juggling Work, Life, And Self-Care

The more technology we have, the easier life is supposed to be – but somehow, the world just gets faster-paced and everything feels much more frantic than it did before. You're trying to kill it in your career while looking after friendships, romance, and maybe even children, but what about self-care? It feels like you're constantly juggling and if you take your eye off any of the balls for even a second, one drops to the ground. 

 

Your career demands your attention. 

 

Your family and friends need you just as much as you need them. 

 

And what about self-care? 

 

Believe it or not, you can have them all if you simply find the right balance… and you can find the tips you need to do that below. 

 

Boundaries and Priorities 

 

Step one in your journey to finding balance is establishing boundaries based on your priorities. That might mean you need to sit down and establish your priorities if you haven't already. That means understanding your core values and getting to grips with what matters most in your personal and professional life. 

 

Once that's settled, you can establish boundaries that will protect your energy and time. Just be ready to communicate your boundaries clearly and be firm when saying no. 

 

Think about your boundaries around technology, too – do you pick up emails even when you're off the clock? Do you feel the need to reply to every message instantly? Think about your relationship with the internet and social media. 

 

Organization and Time Management

 

Organization and time management work in tandem and once you crack this code, you will find it much easier to find balance. Use a calendar or diary, utilize to-do lists, and structure your day to break down your responsibilities and when you will tackle each. 

 

By breaking down every task into manageable moments, you avoid the risk of multitasking, reduce stress, improve productivity, and give yourself time for everything. 

 

Delegate

 

Something that many people struggle with is letting go of control. Let's be clear about this – you can delegate! At work and at home, you can assign appropriate tasks and responsibilities to family members and employees or colleagues. The key to finding balance is sharing the load, so learn to let go. 

 

Take Breaks Intentionally 

 

Part of finding balance and practicing self-care is taking regular breaks, which means you might need to schedule them when you sit down with your calendar and to-do list. So, schedule a take-five, go for a brief walk, sit down for a quiet meditation session, or just chill out with a glass of water or hot tea. A break should not be viewed as a luxury, it's a necessity to improve productivity and performance. 

 

Say No 

 

There's no point in establishing boundaries if you don't learn to say no! 

 

You should be able to say no to things that don't fit or feel right without feeling guilty about it. Everyone has limits, and if saying yes means pushing yourself beyond yours, you need to say no. Whether it's coffee with a friend on your busiest day of the calendar month or picking up an extra project at work when things are hectic at home. There will be times you can say yes to those things, but if you can't say yes now, don't!

 

Lean On Your Support

 

Everyone needs human connections and having a strong support system when you're dealing with life's obstacles and challenges is key. So, be sure that you are surrounded by people who respect you, understand your goals, and build you up. These people should be willing to go 50/50 in sharing responsibilities and happy to pick up the slack from time to time when it's necessary. 

 

Final Thoughts 

 

It might feel like an impossible task, but with a bit of intention, you can strike a balance between work, life, and self-care. It might be difficult at the start, but once you establish your boundaries and learn to stick to them, the rest will come with time and practice. When you do find the balance, you will start to see everything in your life improve. 

Forgiveness As Liberation: The Art Of Letting Go Of Resentment

Everyone has experienced conflict and hurt from other’s words or conduct. Suppose a co-worker got credit for your work, or you were bullied as a child. Incidents such as these leave you feeling resentful, bitter, and angry long-term if not resolved. Unresolved resentment can have a significant impact on your health.

 

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic, Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic resentment can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and immune response, raising the risk of heart disease, depression, and other conditions.

 

On a positive note, forgiveness helps to calm your stress level, resulting in better physical and mental health.

 

Why Do We Feel Resentment?

 

When someone hurts us, we may feel a range of negative emotions such as sadness, hostility, or even hatred. When we don’t let go and forgive, we are consumed with those pessimistic feelings, affecting our self-esteem and well-being. If you are suffering from chronic resentment, you can learn to be forgiving; forgiving is a choice.

 

What is Forgiveness?

 

Psychologists commonly define forgiveness as “A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” 

 

Bear in mind that you can forgive without denying or forgetting the wrongdoing against you. You are not required to mend a bad relationship or release others from legal liability. 

 

How to Forgive

 

Choose Forgiveness

 

First, you need to decide whether you choose to forgive. While you don't have to forgive, it is to your benefit to do so. Research by the Annals of Behavioral Medicine shows that increased forgiveness decreases perceived stress and improves mental and physical health.

 

Leverage the Power of Positive Thinking

The effect of negative thinking and feelings is unhappiness. In order to heal, be consciously aware when you’re burdened with pessimistic thoughts. Use positive self-talk to replace the distressing thoughts. For example, you may want to retaliate against the person who hurt you. Remind yourself that you will be fair with that person and that you will not mirror their harmful actions.

 

Change Your Perspective

Think about the other person to understand their actions better. Was the person hurt by others or mistreated? Is the person going through a difficult time? That person may be in pain, struggling with chronic resentment, affecting their behavior with others. Look at the person with a compassionate perspective to gain insight. You don’t need to excuse the person, but you can forgive and move forward.

 

Acknowledge and Accept Your Pain

Recognize the hurt you’re feeling; don’t avoid it. Explore the emotions you’re experiencing and accept the pain. Psychology Today reports “Pain is actually a necessary part of happiness, and research shows that it can lead to pleasure in several ways.” For example, pain helps you recognize happiness; otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize it as happiness. Also, relief from pain is pleasurable and increases your happiness.

 

Conclusion

When someone hurts us, we may have a difficult time letting go of the feelings of resentment. Chronic resentment harms our well-being in many ways. On the other hand, forgiveness frees us from negative emotions, calms our stress levels, and brings us peace of mind. While we don’t have to deny or forget the offense against us, letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness is liberating and necessary for optimal wellness.

"I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself." - T.D. Jakes

 

References

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

 

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#what-is-forgiveness

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5055412/

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201511/5-reasons-you-have-accept-pain-if-you-want-be-happy#:~:text=But%20pain%20is%20actually%20a,t%20recognize%20it%20as%20happiness