Top 10 Tips To Better Understand Your Self-Defeating Habits

Self-defeating habits are those behaviors and thoughts that hold us back from achieving our goals and living our best lives. They are often automatic, unconscious, and counterproductive, and they can have a negative impact on our relationships, health, and well-being. In this article, we will discuss the top 10 tips to better understand your self-defeating habits and how to overcome them.

 

1. Identify what self-defeating habits you have

 

The first step to overcoming self-defeating habits is to identify them. Pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are holding you back from achieving your goals. Do you procrastinate, self-sabotage, or engage in negative self-talk? If so, you might be acting as your own worst enemy. Once you have identified your self-defeating habits, you can begin to work on changing them.

 

2. Understand the underlying beliefs and emotions

 

Self-defeating habits often stem from underlying beliefs and emotions that we may not be aware of. In a study on golf participants, they found that those who spoke negatively of their ability and their game were more likely to perform worse than those who engaged in self-affirming language. 

 

For example, you may have a belief that you are not good enough or a fear of failure that is holding you back. It is important to understand these underlying beliefs and emotions so that you can challenge and change them.

 

3. Practice self-awareness

Self-awareness is key to overcoming self-defeating habits. How can you work against something that you don’t know exists, much less understand. Grab a pen and paper and take time to listen and record what’s going on in your mind. 

 

Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout the day. Notice when you engage in self-defeating behaviors and what triggers them. This can help you to better understand your habits and begin to make changes.

 

4. Use mindfulness techniques

 

Mindfulness techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can help you to become more self-aware and present in the moment. When we auto-pilot with self-destructive tendencies, the results should not be surprising. 

 

Being present, staying in the moment, can give you far more information on why you do the things you do. Using mindfulness techniques can help you to break out of automatic, self-defeating patterns and make more conscious choices about your thoughts and behaviors.

 

5. Challenge your negative self-talk

 

Negative self-talk is a common self-defeating habit that can hold us back from achieving our goals. Pay attention to the messages you are giving yourself and challenge negative thoughts with evidence-based positive self-talk. 

 

For example, if you are telling yourself that you will never be successful, challenge that thought by reminding yourself of times when you have been successful in the past. Sometimes we struggle to pull up information to challenge these intrusive thoughts, if that’s the case, then set aside time to sit down and list out some accomplishments or positive experiences that you’ve had over the course of your life, so that you might have a better frame of reference moving forward. 

 

6. Set realistic goals

 

Setting unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of overwhelm and self-defeat. You want your goals to be challenging, but not impossible. It is important to set realistic goals that are achievable and aligned with your values and priorities. 

 

Break larger goals down into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. As you begin to reach your smaller goals, you’ll develop more self-confidence in your abilities. This self-belief will go a long way in challenging self-defeating habits. 

 

7. Practice self-compassion

 

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, care, and understanding, especially in times of difficulty or failure. It is important to practice self-compassion when working on overcoming self-defeating habits. 

 

These habits have a tendency to make us overly critical and pessimistic about ourselves. When are you the hardest on yourself? Acknowledge that change is a process and be gentle with yourself as you work towards your goals. 

 

8. Build a support network

 

Overcoming self-defeating habits can be challenging, and it can be helpful to seek support from others. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your struggles and ask for help and encouragement along the way. 

 

Having a positive network not only allows others to pour into you, but also you to encourage and support them. The act of helping others can often be a powerful way to notice pain points in our own lives. 

 

9. Replace self-defeating habits with positive behaviors

 

Replacing self-defeating habits with positive behaviors is a key step towards lasting change. For example, if you tend to procrastinate, set a timer for a short amount of time and work on a task for that amount of time. 

 

Then, take a break and reward yourself for your progress. This can help you to break out of the self-defeating habit of procrastination and replace it with a more productive behavior. If you can do this, behavior by behavior, then you’ll have a much larger chance at success. 

 

10. Practice self-reflection

 

Finally, practicing self-reflection is key to understanding your self-defeating habits and making lasting change. Take time regularly to reflect on your progress, successes, and challenges. Consider what is working for you and what you still need to work on. It’s recommended that you keep a journal. 

 

Along the way, make note of your highs and your lows. What habits did you see and what worked best in counteracting them? As you see patterns form, you can utilize them to your advantage. This can help you to stay motivated and committed to your goals.

 

Understanding your self-defeating habits is the best way to eliminate them from your path. Life hands us plenty of twists, turns, and even hurdles along the way, it’s important that we control what we can by encouraging our end of the bargain. 

 

If you incorporate these steps, you’ll have a much easier time understanding the active ways you might be sabotaging your own potential. Take them one day at a time. On the path to your aspirations, be your biggest fan!

 

4 Habits to Help You Focus Better

Focusing comes in different forms for everyone, some like to listen to music to help them focus, while others want complete silence. Keep reading for four tips that can help you find your focus.

 

1. Have a Daily Plan

 

You should wake up every morning with a plan of what your day will look like. This doesn’t have to be a detailed schedule that outlines every minute. But having a plan in place will eliminate small decisions that can get you off track. Having a plan will also give you a clear goal for how your day should progress and end. Take time every evening to write out (not just in your head) the plan for the next day. It can include what you will have for breakfast through what order you will complete your work in. It may also be helpful to prep items such as meals, coffee, and clothing to keep you on track.

 

2. Moment of Enjoyment

 

Every day take at least a small amount of time to do something you really enjoy. This can be peace and quiet over your coffee in the morning, a piece of candy in the afternoon, or snuggles with a pet or loved one in the evening. Having that moment of enjoyment will give you a respite from all the to-do’s that fill your day and give you time to reset and prepare for what comes next.

 

3. Be Persistent

 

If a task isn’t coming easily to you, feel free to walk away for a few minutes or even a day. But be persistent with the process and don’t give up. Allowing yourself to bounce from task to task to avoid the difficult work will leave you with a list of half-done tasks and a brain that is running in a million different directions.

 

4. Have a Day Off

 

“There’s no rest for the wicked and the righteous don’t need it” is a familiar turn of phrase that praises the busy. But we all know that it isn’t the truth. We all need a day off to rest, reset, and recuperate. We also need time with our families and friends to fill our cups and remind us why the hard days are worth it.

 

Focusing better is both a mindset and a physical act that you must prepare your mind and body for. Be sure that you are doing everything in your power to set yourself up to the best of your ability.

7 Fast Fixes to Help You Unwind When Overwhelmed

Sometimes it feels as though everything in the world is coming at you at once. Between work, relationships, kids, and a dozen other responsibilities, it’s no wonder it feels like there’s never time to unwind. The problem? If you never give yourself a break, you very quickly become overwhelmed. 

 

Ask a Question

 

When something new comes at you, the first question to ask yourself is a simple one: is this my problem? This might instead be an opportunity to set a boundary. You'll find much of your tension unwinding every time you say 'No.'

 

Bring Nature Indoors

 

Numerous studies have shown just a hint of fresh greenery or natural elements can create a calmer atmosphere. Try adding a plant, a collection of seashells, or a small Zen Garden or Buddha board to your space. Make a point of focusing on these elements when you’re feeling stressed to help you unwind.

 

Grab a Tune

 

Find a song on your playlist that always leaves you feeling calm and peaceful. Play it when you need a quick moment to unwind.

 

Try a Pleasing Scent

 

Aromatherapy has a lot of science behind it. Some smells are especially conducive toward easing anxiety. Just a sniff of bergamot, lavender, or frankincense will help you feel calmer almost immediately.

 

Step Outside

 

A short walk can build a lot of perspective and help you unwind even if you don't go far. Make sure to take some deep breaths of fresh air while you're out there.

 

Put on a Happy Face

 

When we smile, we change more than the shape of our faces. A smile quickly changes mood and even gives you a burst of endorphins in your brain, which are responsible for making us feel happy. The best part? A smile can help you unwind even if you're not feeling it initially. This is because even fake smiles tend to become real ones very quickly.

 

Set an Alarm

 

Sometimes, we need a reminder to adopt a change of attitude to unwind. Try setting the alarm on your phone several specific times every day. When one of the alarms goes off, either take a 'mindfulness moment' for a quick meditation or take a moment to read an affirmation. If you're strapped for time when the alarm goes off, use this moment to take a few deep breaths to give yourself a taste of unwinding before continuing with whatever you were doing.

 

While not every tip is going to work, be patient with yourself. Keep trying until you find the methods which give you the space to breathe. After all, unwinding is crucial to your mental health.

 

Focus on This When Change Is Out Of Your Control

Change equals difference. That's a basic definition, but it's truthfully what the change is. Something is different than it was before. This could be your job, a relationship, mother nature, or anything else. Where change is concerned, you come to grips with it before you've lived very long on this planet.

 

Almost all change is out of your control.

 

Even the most obsessively compulsive person who strives every minute of every day for control is taunted by this fact. Try as you may, your world will largely spin in any direction it wants. It doesn't stop and ask you what reality you'd like to experience.

 

You can try and influence it, and you might be successful in some ways. For instance, you can work really hard to get promoted. You go out of your way to find out what your boss needs from you, and then you make sure that happens. You outwork your coworkers, take extra courses that help you move up the corporate ladder, and nail a big promotion.

 

While patting yourself on the back for your hard work and how it paid off, remember one thing ... your boss or someone above him still had the final say in whether you got promoted or not.

 

That's pretty humbling when you think about it.

 

Take a look at any area of your life. You'll see that you don't always have as much influence as you previously thought you did. The best you can do is work on yourself, your relationships, and your environment to create a favorable reality.

 

Then when life steps in and throws some negative change in your face, remember to ask yourself this question.

 

"What Can I Control?"

 

Imagine that you are going for a walk. It's a beautiful day. The world has treated you to a spectacular experience with sunny skies, birds chirping, and stress-relieving nature all around you.

 

Then immediately in your pathway, a brick wall appears out of nowhere. It wasn't there, and then it was there. It's only a few feet wide, so you can easily walk around it. Instead, you repeatedly try to walk through it.

 

You can't control that this change has happened. What you can control is your response to it. Claim your sphere of control. Do what you can do, which is to move around the wall and continue your enjoyable walk.

 

Life will give you a lot of change you'd rather avoid. When this happens, don't waste a second of your time trying to influence something you have no control over. Determine what you can influence and what you can't. Then take action to turn something negative into the best possible outcome.

 

Focus on what you can control when you experience negative change. Trying to influence things that are blind to you is pointless. It wastes your time, cranks up your frustration, leads to anxiety and stress, and all of that can be avoided. You take away the power of negative change when you use your sphere of control to put it behind you as quickly as possible.

 

Never Look at a Failure As Final

Do you know anyone who seems to be bulletproof? You know, that friend of yours that takes failures in stride and is always smiling and moving forward in life. How do they do it? You know they're not immune to setbacks or hardship. They just seem to be able to bounce back quickly. Life's inevitable difficulties don't keep them from living the life they desire.

 

By the way, that person can be you. Mental resilience is something that can be developed. It's not a character trait you have to be born with. Every time you suffer some type of loss or failure, you have an opportunity to respond with resilience and emotional control.

 

If that seems impossible for you sometimes, here's what you need to start doing. Never look at a failure as the final result. Don't let some hardship or difficulty be the final chapter in your story. Or, as famous author F. Scott Fitzgerald said ...

 

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

 

That is such a powerful reminder that your outlook is everything. The person with resilience chooses a positive outlook. They understand that negative things are going to happen in their life. Yet they don't allow that to be the end of their journey.

 

They don't embrace any single failure or loss as the final declaration of who they are.

 

Just Take One More Step

 

Resilience means persisting. You keep going. You push forward and see life's difficulties as nothing more than challenges. You can either become stronger and more capable or allow a defeat or failure to be a statement of who you are.

 

This can seem like simple advice, but the truth is, sometimes, the hardship we encounter in life can be truly debilitating. We simply don't see a way out. The worst of possible things has happened, and there's simply no way that we see any good coming from this.

 

When this happens, as it inevitably will in life, just take one step forward.

 

Don't worry about some big end result. You may be in a terrible situation. If you are, just make one positive movement. 

 

Have one positive thought. Move in the direction of a positive outcome. Even if it's miles away, don't worry about that end result. Just take the first step that moves you a little bit away from the difficulty you encountered.

 

Never let any single defeat be your final defeat. The instant you decide to relentlessly push forward, you show the world and yourself that you are a resilient human being. You won't be kept down for long because your unbreakable mental resolve won't allow you to be defined by defeat.

 

5 Ways to Experience Personal Growth even in an Upheaval

When you’re in upheaval, you tend to hit survival mode pretty quickly. Your life becomes focused on just getting through the day. Beyond that? You don’t have the time or energy to care.

 

Now more than ever, you need to take advantage of what time you have for personal growth. When we are challenged is where we rise to the occasion the best. During upheaval, our minds become busy, and we start thinking more. It’s a great time to take advantage of a mind made flexible by circumstances and learn something new.

 

In short, this is an excellent time for personal growth.

 

Furthermore, the act of bettering yourself gives you a focus, something you can control right now, at this moment, helping your mental state. It’s all about attitude and the idea you can keep growing, even now. How?

 

You Learn to Embrace Adversity

 

There’s no doubt upheaval can make a mess of your life. But as you dig in and start looking for solutions, you’re going to discover something about yourself. Adversity brings out your best, forcing you out from complacency to find new solutions. With an open-minded attitude, you can even come to embrace adversity.

 

You Become More Adept at Challenges

 

A crisis demands creative solutions. After all, if the status quo had been working, you wouldn’t be where you are now. In the long run, what this means if you’re going to get better at brainstorming and seeing solutions where you hadn’t previously.

 

You Become Better at Seeing the Opportunity

 

Once you look past the disaster itself, you’re going to start seeing a chance to shine. There’s a great deal of opportunity in upheaval if you can maintain an openness to trying new things and adaptability when it comes to rolling with the punches. Developing this skill now means you’re never going to miss an opportunity again.

 

You Cultivate Positivity

 

How can you possibly make it through a crisis if all you’re doing is focusing on the negative? If you can now discover the ability to find the positive and to keep an upbeat attitude even when things are going wrong, you’ll be able to stay positive no matter what life throws at you.

 

You Develop More Empathy

 

You can’t go through these kinds of tough times without learning something about how hard life can be. By leveraging this into empathy, you’ll gain more compassion for those around you. 

 

Wow, this is a lot! Imagine the newer, stronger version of yourself developing even now. How exciting to think you’ll be coming out of this crisis more robust and better than ever before!

 

The Importance of Self-Love

You’ve been told time and time again to love those around you, but did you know that you also must love yourself? There are several reasons to love yourself, all of which are important. Read on to find out more about the importance of self-love and why you should prioritize it in your life. 

 

Self-Love is Important For Relationships

 

The number one reason self-love is important is that before you can love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself. You learn about how to treat someone you love based on how you treat yourself.  So if you don’t treat yourself with respect and love, you won’t be able to treat someone you love the same way. This can ruin your relationships with others, both friends and family alike. Therefore, if you want to love others, start by loving yourself.

 

Without Self-Love, You’ll Burn Out

 

Besides learning how to love yourself to love others, you also need to learn how to love yourself so you don't burn out. Burnout happens when you spend too much time focusing on others or your duties in life and neglecting self-care. It is characterized by an inability to focus and a sense of exhaustion that won't go away. Self-love is important because it helps keep you from burning out. 

 

Self-Love is Critical to Success

 

Do you want to be successful? Who doesn't! Self-love is important for success. This is because you can't possibly focus on bettering yourself or your place in life while you are constantly being negative about yourself or your abilities. You need to love yourself and embrace your flaws to use them to your advantage. Learning to love even the mistakes you make is a critical part of self-love. 

 

Self-Love Makes You Happier

 

Do you enjoy walking around not liking who you are as a person? Probably not. It is impossible to be happy when you spend your whole life hating on yourself and not loving yourself. If you want to lead a happy and healthy life, you need to work towards self-love today. Plus, you will feel better when you practice self-love, and when you feel better about yourself and the world around you, happiness isn't that far behind!

 

Self-love is a difficult thing to pursue in life, but it is critical to the quality of your life. Without self-love, you will have poor relationships with others, you may burn out, and you will probably never achieve success. Not to mention that you probably won't lead a very happy life! This is why you should put self-love first in your life today! 

 

Are Your Priorities Holding You Back from Becoming the Best You Ever?

What does the best version of you look like? Seriously, think about that for a minute. You're reading this right now because you want to grow and improve. Your current reality might be good, but you know it can still improve. You want to do something to change in some way so that your experiences change. You realize your relationships, financial picture, or health can improve.

 

So, you're taking action. For people like you that are driven to create significant and positive change, effort or desire is never in low supply. You've probably tried to do things in the past to create change. Maybe you succeeded at some level. Many of us who attempt to create better versions of ourselves will find early success, only to eventually return to the undesired reality where we started.

 

This can happen when priorities are out of place.

 

You know what you want. You consciously desire to become better. You gather the knowledge. You take action and are determined to create the desired result.

 

That can't happen if your priorities aren't in line with what you tell yourself you want to accomplish.

 

Change Your Priorities, and You Can Change Your Experience

 

If you want better, more fulfilling, and healthier relationships, what are you doing to make that happen? Do you have a detailed game plan? Or do you work on strengthening your relationship whenever you think about it?

 

What we're talking about are priorities. You may desire a wonderful relationship more than just about anything else. That will not happen if your actions reveal that you prioritize other activities ahead of strengthening your relationship. 

 

You might be working too much. Your idea is that the more money you can make, the better reality you can give your significant other. So, you pour yourself into your job and have very little time to spend with the person that's so important to you.

 

In this situation, you need to prioritize more time working on your relationship and less time on your job.

 

Look at what you do habitually. You might not consciously prioritize activities and habits that deliver a negative experience. It may be happening unconsciously. If the things you do regularly aren't creating the best version of yourself, change your priorities. When you prioritize making changes that relate to your core values and beliefs, you'll see more success in creating that reality.

 

5 Behaviors of Successful People

Successful people are not typically born with the habits and behaviors that help them get to where they want to be. 

 

Through hard work and perseverance, people do well in life, traits that other successful people adopt. Keep reading to learn about the five behaviors you should adopt if you desire the same.

 

Spend Time With Other Successful People

 

When you spend time with other successful people, you tend to adopt the behaviors and habits that they display. This is true of many friendships, which begin with a common trait and then expand to friends developing similar behaviors. 

 

If you genuinely want to be successful, keep company with those who demonstrate the behaviors and habits you wish to emulate. As the saying goes, "if you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room." 

 

This means that you want to continually build your network of friends that will help you grow and succeed.

 

Be a Lifelong Learner

 

Successful people make it a habit of learning something new at all times. This is because knowledge creates opportunities that you may not have reached before. Whether you wish to move up in the company you work for or create something new, learning is the key to success.

 

Change Your Mindset

 

Successful people understand the value of having a positive mindset in everything they wish to accomplish. You have the power inside of you to either sit in complacency or to step up and find the success you want for yourself. 

 

It is a matter of how you view yourself and your environment. When you choose to have a growth mindset, you can move mountains and accomplish anything you set your mind to.

 

Manage Your Time Effectively

 

While managing your time can be a challenge, learning how to do it effectively can make a huge difference in your life. Successful people know the importance of honoring their schedules to promptly complete daily tasks. Because of this, they purposely cut out things that are not a priority and learn to delegate tasks that others can do. 

 

Set Goals For Growth

 

One of the most important behaviors to adopt if you want to be successful is setting goals focused on personal growth. 

 

To be successful takes motivation, which comes from taking the small wins as they come. While having long-term goals is essential, having short-term goals that get you to the longer ones are equally important.

 

Overall, if you want to be successful, you need to change some behaviors and habits that may hold you back. Taking the time to incorporate these five behaviors into your daily life can help you achieve the success you desire.

The Importance of Defining What Success Means to You

Everyone in life seems to be chasing the same thing, something by the name of success. While this may seem like everyone is pursuing the same goal, this couldn't be further from the truth. For this reason, you must discuss what success means to you before you start the journey towards it. Otherwise, you may end up lost along the way.

 

Why Does Success Look Different for Everyone?

 

Name one person on this earth that likes all the same things you do and does them in the exact same way you do. Can't think of anyone? Exactly. This is because everyone on this earth is different, so you can't expect success to look the same for everyone either.

 

You have different desires, beliefs, and abilities. Chances are something that someone else may see as success may not even seem like fun to you. Therefore, you wouldn't consider it a success based on how you see the world.  

 

Why is Defining What Success Means to You Important?

 

If you are chasing someone else's idea of success, the reality is, you probably won't get there. Especially because we have already established that you are unique in your abilities and desires. Therefore, to achieve success, you must define what that means for you.

 

For example, someone like Elon Musk may qualify success as selling 12,000 of his new car models. While that is great for Elon Musk, you are just a dealer at a car lot. You're just looking to make enough money to survive and go on that vacation you've always wanted. Therefore, success for you should be defined as selling five cars every month, or whatever amount to meet your monetary goal. 

 

If you don't set an appropriate goal and instead define success only as selling 12,000 units, you will likely never achieve it and end up disappointed and discouraged. 

 

Defining Success is Critical to Achieving It

 

As you can see, you don't have to make your own definition of success, but if you stick to the one the world provides you, you won't be honoring your situation or desires.  

 

It's time to throw away the world's ideas of success and create your own. While it may look different, and others may not understand, you’ll be able to achieve it—and that’s all that really matters.

 

Overall, success is only great if you achieve it. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you define your own version of success. This is the only way it will be within your reach.