Focus on This When Change Is Out Of Your Control

Change equals difference. That's a basic definition, but it's truthfully what the change is. Something is different than it was before. This could be your job, a relationship, mother nature, or anything else. Where change is concerned, you come to grips with it before you've lived very long on this planet.

 

Almost all change is out of your control.

 

Even the most obsessively compulsive person who strives every minute of every day for control is taunted by this fact. Try as you may, your world will largely spin in any direction it wants. It doesn't stop and ask you what reality you'd like to experience.

 

You can try and influence it, and you might be successful in some ways. For instance, you can work really hard to get promoted. You go out of your way to find out what your boss needs from you, and then you make sure that happens. You outwork your coworkers, take extra courses that help you move up the corporate ladder, and nail a big promotion.

 

While patting yourself on the back for your hard work and how it paid off, remember one thing ... your boss or someone above him still had the final say in whether you got promoted or not.

 

That's pretty humbling when you think about it.

 

Take a look at any area of your life. You'll see that you don't always have as much influence as you previously thought you did. The best you can do is work on yourself, your relationships, and your environment to create a favorable reality.

 

Then when life steps in and throws some negative change in your face, remember to ask yourself this question.

 

"What Can I Control?"

 

Imagine that you are going for a walk. It's a beautiful day. The world has treated you to a spectacular experience with sunny skies, birds chirping, and stress-relieving nature all around you.

 

Then immediately in your pathway, a brick wall appears out of nowhere. It wasn't there, and then it was there. It's only a few feet wide, so you can easily walk around it. Instead, you repeatedly try to walk through it.

 

You can't control that this change has happened. What you can control is your response to it. Claim your sphere of control. Do what you can do, which is to move around the wall and continue your enjoyable walk.

 

Life will give you a lot of change you'd rather avoid. When this happens, don't waste a second of your time trying to influence something you have no control over. Determine what you can influence and what you can't. Then take action to turn something negative into the best possible outcome.

 

Focus on what you can control when you experience negative change. Trying to influence things that are blind to you is pointless. It wastes your time, cranks up your frustration, leads to anxiety and stress, and all of that can be avoided. You take away the power of negative change when you use your sphere of control to put it behind you as quickly as possible.

 

Never Look at a Failure As Final

Do you know anyone who seems to be bulletproof? You know, that friend of yours that takes failures in stride and is always smiling and moving forward in life. How do they do it? You know they're not immune to setbacks or hardship. They just seem to be able to bounce back quickly. Life's inevitable difficulties don't keep them from living the life they desire.

 

By the way, that person can be you. Mental resilience is something that can be developed. It's not a character trait you have to be born with. Every time you suffer some type of loss or failure, you have an opportunity to respond with resilience and emotional control.

 

If that seems impossible for you sometimes, here's what you need to start doing. Never look at a failure as the final result. Don't let some hardship or difficulty be the final chapter in your story. Or, as famous author F. Scott Fitzgerald said ...

 

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

 

That is such a powerful reminder that your outlook is everything. The person with resilience chooses a positive outlook. They understand that negative things are going to happen in their life. Yet they don't allow that to be the end of their journey.

 

They don't embrace any single failure or loss as the final declaration of who they are.

 

Just Take One More Step

 

Resilience means persisting. You keep going. You push forward and see life's difficulties as nothing more than challenges. You can either become stronger and more capable or allow a defeat or failure to be a statement of who you are.

 

This can seem like simple advice, but the truth is, sometimes, the hardship we encounter in life can be truly debilitating. We simply don't see a way out. The worst of possible things has happened, and there's simply no way that we see any good coming from this.

 

When this happens, as it inevitably will in life, just take one step forward.

 

Don't worry about some big end result. You may be in a terrible situation. If you are, just make one positive movement. 

 

Have one positive thought. Move in the direction of a positive outcome. Even if it's miles away, don't worry about that end result. Just take the first step that moves you a little bit away from the difficulty you encountered.

 

Never let any single defeat be your final defeat. The instant you decide to relentlessly push forward, you show the world and yourself that you are a resilient human being. You won't be kept down for long because your unbreakable mental resolve won't allow you to be defined by defeat.

 

5 Ways to Experience Personal Growth even in an Upheaval

When you’re in upheaval, you tend to hit survival mode pretty quickly. Your life becomes focused on just getting through the day. Beyond that? You don’t have the time or energy to care.

 

Now more than ever, you need to take advantage of what time you have for personal growth. When we are challenged is where we rise to the occasion the best. During upheaval, our minds become busy, and we start thinking more. It’s a great time to take advantage of a mind made flexible by circumstances and learn something new.

 

In short, this is an excellent time for personal growth.

 

Furthermore, the act of bettering yourself gives you a focus, something you can control right now, at this moment, helping your mental state. It’s all about attitude and the idea you can keep growing, even now. How?

 

You Learn to Embrace Adversity

 

There’s no doubt upheaval can make a mess of your life. But as you dig in and start looking for solutions, you’re going to discover something about yourself. Adversity brings out your best, forcing you out from complacency to find new solutions. With an open-minded attitude, you can even come to embrace adversity.

 

You Become More Adept at Challenges

 

A crisis demands creative solutions. After all, if the status quo had been working, you wouldn’t be where you are now. In the long run, what this means if you’re going to get better at brainstorming and seeing solutions where you hadn’t previously.

 

You Become Better at Seeing the Opportunity

 

Once you look past the disaster itself, you’re going to start seeing a chance to shine. There’s a great deal of opportunity in upheaval if you can maintain an openness to trying new things and adaptability when it comes to rolling with the punches. Developing this skill now means you’re never going to miss an opportunity again.

 

You Cultivate Positivity

 

How can you possibly make it through a crisis if all you’re doing is focusing on the negative? If you can now discover the ability to find the positive and to keep an upbeat attitude even when things are going wrong, you’ll be able to stay positive no matter what life throws at you.

 

You Develop More Empathy

 

You can’t go through these kinds of tough times without learning something about how hard life can be. By leveraging this into empathy, you’ll gain more compassion for those around you. 

 

Wow, this is a lot! Imagine the newer, stronger version of yourself developing even now. How exciting to think you’ll be coming out of this crisis more robust and better than ever before!

 

The Importance of Self-Love

You’ve been told time and time again to love those around you, but did you know that you also must love yourself? There are several reasons to love yourself, all of which are important. Read on to find out more about the importance of self-love and why you should prioritize it in your life. 

 

Self-Love is Important For Relationships

 

The number one reason self-love is important is that before you can love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself. You learn about how to treat someone you love based on how you treat yourself.  So if you don’t treat yourself with respect and love, you won’t be able to treat someone you love the same way. This can ruin your relationships with others, both friends and family alike. Therefore, if you want to love others, start by loving yourself.

 

Without Self-Love, You’ll Burn Out

 

Besides learning how to love yourself to love others, you also need to learn how to love yourself so you don't burn out. Burnout happens when you spend too much time focusing on others or your duties in life and neglecting self-care. It is characterized by an inability to focus and a sense of exhaustion that won't go away. Self-love is important because it helps keep you from burning out. 

 

Self-Love is Critical to Success

 

Do you want to be successful? Who doesn't! Self-love is important for success. This is because you can't possibly focus on bettering yourself or your place in life while you are constantly being negative about yourself or your abilities. You need to love yourself and embrace your flaws to use them to your advantage. Learning to love even the mistakes you make is a critical part of self-love. 

 

Self-Love Makes You Happier

 

Do you enjoy walking around not liking who you are as a person? Probably not. It is impossible to be happy when you spend your whole life hating on yourself and not loving yourself. If you want to lead a happy and healthy life, you need to work towards self-love today. Plus, you will feel better when you practice self-love, and when you feel better about yourself and the world around you, happiness isn't that far behind!

 

Self-love is a difficult thing to pursue in life, but it is critical to the quality of your life. Without self-love, you will have poor relationships with others, you may burn out, and you will probably never achieve success. Not to mention that you probably won't lead a very happy life! This is why you should put self-love first in your life today! 

 

Are Your Priorities Holding You Back from Becoming the Best You Ever?

What does the best version of you look like? Seriously, think about that for a minute. You're reading this right now because you want to grow and improve. Your current reality might be good, but you know it can still improve. You want to do something to change in some way so that your experiences change. You realize your relationships, financial picture, or health can improve.

 

So, you're taking action. For people like you that are driven to create significant and positive change, effort or desire is never in low supply. You've probably tried to do things in the past to create change. Maybe you succeeded at some level. Many of us who attempt to create better versions of ourselves will find early success, only to eventually return to the undesired reality where we started.

 

This can happen when priorities are out of place.

 

You know what you want. You consciously desire to become better. You gather the knowledge. You take action and are determined to create the desired result.

 

That can't happen if your priorities aren't in line with what you tell yourself you want to accomplish.

 

Change Your Priorities, and You Can Change Your Experience

 

If you want better, more fulfilling, and healthier relationships, what are you doing to make that happen? Do you have a detailed game plan? Or do you work on strengthening your relationship whenever you think about it?

 

What we're talking about are priorities. You may desire a wonderful relationship more than just about anything else. That will not happen if your actions reveal that you prioritize other activities ahead of strengthening your relationship. 

 

You might be working too much. Your idea is that the more money you can make, the better reality you can give your significant other. So, you pour yourself into your job and have very little time to spend with the person that's so important to you.

 

In this situation, you need to prioritize more time working on your relationship and less time on your job.

 

Look at what you do habitually. You might not consciously prioritize activities and habits that deliver a negative experience. It may be happening unconsciously. If the things you do regularly aren't creating the best version of yourself, change your priorities. When you prioritize making changes that relate to your core values and beliefs, you'll see more success in creating that reality.

 

5 Behaviors of Successful People

Successful people are not typically born with the habits and behaviors that help them get to where they want to be. 

 

Through hard work and perseverance, people do well in life, traits that other successful people adopt. Keep reading to learn about the five behaviors you should adopt if you desire the same.

 

Spend Time With Other Successful People

 

When you spend time with other successful people, you tend to adopt the behaviors and habits that they display. This is true of many friendships, which begin with a common trait and then expand to friends developing similar behaviors. 

 

If you genuinely want to be successful, keep company with those who demonstrate the behaviors and habits you wish to emulate. As the saying goes, "if you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room." 

 

This means that you want to continually build your network of friends that will help you grow and succeed.

 

Be a Lifelong Learner

 

Successful people make it a habit of learning something new at all times. This is because knowledge creates opportunities that you may not have reached before. Whether you wish to move up in the company you work for or create something new, learning is the key to success.

 

Change Your Mindset

 

Successful people understand the value of having a positive mindset in everything they wish to accomplish. You have the power inside of you to either sit in complacency or to step up and find the success you want for yourself. 

 

It is a matter of how you view yourself and your environment. When you choose to have a growth mindset, you can move mountains and accomplish anything you set your mind to.

 

Manage Your Time Effectively

 

While managing your time can be a challenge, learning how to do it effectively can make a huge difference in your life. Successful people know the importance of honoring their schedules to promptly complete daily tasks. Because of this, they purposely cut out things that are not a priority and learn to delegate tasks that others can do. 

 

Set Goals For Growth

 

One of the most important behaviors to adopt if you want to be successful is setting goals focused on personal growth. 

 

To be successful takes motivation, which comes from taking the small wins as they come. While having long-term goals is essential, having short-term goals that get you to the longer ones are equally important.

 

Overall, if you want to be successful, you need to change some behaviors and habits that may hold you back. Taking the time to incorporate these five behaviors into your daily life can help you achieve the success you desire.

The Importance of Defining What Success Means to You

Everyone in life seems to be chasing the same thing, something by the name of success. While this may seem like everyone is pursuing the same goal, this couldn't be further from the truth. For this reason, you must discuss what success means to you before you start the journey towards it. Otherwise, you may end up lost along the way.

 

Why Does Success Look Different for Everyone?

 

Name one person on this earth that likes all the same things you do and does them in the exact same way you do. Can't think of anyone? Exactly. This is because everyone on this earth is different, so you can't expect success to look the same for everyone either.

 

You have different desires, beliefs, and abilities. Chances are something that someone else may see as success may not even seem like fun to you. Therefore, you wouldn't consider it a success based on how you see the world.  

 

Why is Defining What Success Means to You Important?

 

If you are chasing someone else's idea of success, the reality is, you probably won't get there. Especially because we have already established that you are unique in your abilities and desires. Therefore, to achieve success, you must define what that means for you.

 

For example, someone like Elon Musk may qualify success as selling 12,000 of his new car models. While that is great for Elon Musk, you are just a dealer at a car lot. You're just looking to make enough money to survive and go on that vacation you've always wanted. Therefore, success for you should be defined as selling five cars every month, or whatever amount to meet your monetary goal. 

 

If you don't set an appropriate goal and instead define success only as selling 12,000 units, you will likely never achieve it and end up disappointed and discouraged. 

 

Defining Success is Critical to Achieving It

 

As you can see, you don't have to make your own definition of success, but if you stick to the one the world provides you, you won't be honoring your situation or desires.  

 

It's time to throw away the world's ideas of success and create your own. While it may look different, and others may not understand, you’ll be able to achieve it—and that’s all that really matters.

 

Overall, success is only great if you achieve it. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you define your own version of success. This is the only way it will be within your reach.  

 

A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.

 

8 Techniques That Stop Anger in its Tracks

You can’t believe they did it. Of all people, turning on you this way. You want to react in kind, drawing on the anger flowing through you to lash out. Make the other person hurt every bit as much as you do right now.

 

Wait a minute. You can’t. You’re not that person. You don’t want to BE that person. You’re better than this.

 

But how do you stop anger in its tracks before it gets the best of you?

 

Take a Walk

 

The physical act of walking will burn off some of the adrenaline while getting outside, giving you a distracting change in scenery. And it works even better if you’re walking away from the object of your anger. Sometimes all you need is some space.

 

Pay Attention to your Muscles

 

Like walking, exercise is good. Also, anger tends to tighten you up, so a good stretch, or even better practicing progressive muscle relaxation, will knock the tension out.

 

Say Something

 

Choose a pet phrase or mantra which calms you. Say it several times, slowly, and deliberately to put your focus elsewhere.

 

Visualization

 

Escape somewhere else. Remove yourself from the situation that has made you mad and find a quiet place where you can visualize something peaceful. Build in as much detail as you can to make it as real as possible. Stay in this vision until you feel yourself start to calm down. 

 

Do Something Grand

 

Take your anger and turn it into activism. How can you use this to change the world? Sign (or start!) a petition. Volunteer.  Get involved in the community and make the world a better place. 

 

Write About It

 

Journaling can help you to work through your emotions in a way that might even help prevent you from getting mad the next time around. Understanding what it was about the event which triggered you will help reshape the trigger entirely.

 

Switch Perspective

 

It can be hard to use empathy when you’re upset. But if you can see things from their perspective, it might help you to calm your response. Many times anger comes from misunderstanding the situation.

 

Forgive

 

This technique falls under expert level of anger management. By being the bigger person and forgiving the other, you’ll find you no longer have reason to be mad at all.

 

The key to all of these is simple: don’t let anger take control. The last thing you need is for you to fall under the power of negative emotion. Use the anger to make a better place or let it go entirely. In the end, you’ll be happier you did.

 

5 Techniques for Using Affirmations to Enhance Your Relationship

Affirmations are powerful positive statements. You may be aware of them as a tool for self-improvement or to help you reach your goals. Did you know that affirmations can help improve your relationships with your partner, family, friends, and even your colleagues?

 

By choosing your words carefully and meaningfully, you can improve relationships in every area of your life. 

 

1. Show Empathy

You can use affirmations to show the other person that you see their feelings and acknowledge them. Affirmations can be used as a component of active listening. Listen to what they are saying, without interrupting, and when you do speak, you reflect back what they said to you. You acknowledge where they are and give them space to vent or celebrate or just get their message across. 

 

The key to showing empathy is to make sure you don’t contradict or negate their feelings. Don’t offer advice or give a contrary opinion. Just stand with them in their space. 

 

2. Be Authentic

Make sure your affirmations are coming from a place of sincerity. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Keep your affirming messages to the point and focused on the other person. 

 

Affirmations that are economical with the truth or speak out of character will undermine your relationship, not build it. Make sure you speak from the heart. And you don’t have to use flowery language, just be nice. 

 

3. Tell Your Loved Ones They’re Loved

Saying I love you early in a relationship is easy. But as time goes on, it’s easy to let endearments slide. Get into the habit of telling your partner, your children, your family, your friends how much you love them. Don’t take it for granted that they feel loved, make sure they know it!

 

4. Say Thank You

When was the last time you said thank you for a home-cooked meal? Or for proofreading your job application?  Or even for taking the garbage out?

 

No act of kindness should go unacknowledged. Show your family and friends and colleagues that you appreciate what they do for you. Affirm their role in your life. 

 

5. Give Public Praise

Sometimes the best affirmations come in the form of public acknowledgment. Give credit where it’s due to your team members, your partner, and your kids. Show them you're grateful and proud of them. Make it a point to acknowledge the extra effort and exceptional achievements.