A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.

 

8 Techniques That Stop Anger in its Tracks

You can’t believe they did it. Of all people, turning on you this way. You want to react in kind, drawing on the anger flowing through you to lash out. Make the other person hurt every bit as much as you do right now.

 

Wait a minute. You can’t. You’re not that person. You don’t want to BE that person. You’re better than this.

 

But how do you stop anger in its tracks before it gets the best of you?

 

Take a Walk

 

The physical act of walking will burn off some of the adrenaline while getting outside, giving you a distracting change in scenery. And it works even better if you’re walking away from the object of your anger. Sometimes all you need is some space.

 

Pay Attention to your Muscles

 

Like walking, exercise is good. Also, anger tends to tighten you up, so a good stretch, or even better practicing progressive muscle relaxation, will knock the tension out.

 

Say Something

 

Choose a pet phrase or mantra which calms you. Say it several times, slowly, and deliberately to put your focus elsewhere.

 

Visualization

 

Escape somewhere else. Remove yourself from the situation that has made you mad and find a quiet place where you can visualize something peaceful. Build in as much detail as you can to make it as real as possible. Stay in this vision until you feel yourself start to calm down. 

 

Do Something Grand

 

Take your anger and turn it into activism. How can you use this to change the world? Sign (or start!) a petition. Volunteer.  Get involved in the community and make the world a better place. 

 

Write About It

 

Journaling can help you to work through your emotions in a way that might even help prevent you from getting mad the next time around. Understanding what it was about the event which triggered you will help reshape the trigger entirely.

 

Switch Perspective

 

It can be hard to use empathy when you’re upset. But if you can see things from their perspective, it might help you to calm your response. Many times anger comes from misunderstanding the situation.

 

Forgive

 

This technique falls under expert level of anger management. By being the bigger person and forgiving the other, you’ll find you no longer have reason to be mad at all.

 

The key to all of these is simple: don’t let anger take control. The last thing you need is for you to fall under the power of negative emotion. Use the anger to make a better place or let it go entirely. In the end, you’ll be happier you did.

 

5 Techniques for Using Affirmations to Enhance Your Relationship

Affirmations are powerful positive statements. You may be aware of them as a tool for self-improvement or to help you reach your goals. Did you know that affirmations can help improve your relationships with your partner, family, friends, and even your colleagues?

 

By choosing your words carefully and meaningfully, you can improve relationships in every area of your life. 

 

1. Show Empathy

You can use affirmations to show the other person that you see their feelings and acknowledge them. Affirmations can be used as a component of active listening. Listen to what they are saying, without interrupting, and when you do speak, you reflect back what they said to you. You acknowledge where they are and give them space to vent or celebrate or just get their message across. 

 

The key to showing empathy is to make sure you don’t contradict or negate their feelings. Don’t offer advice or give a contrary opinion. Just stand with them in their space. 

 

2. Be Authentic

Make sure your affirmations are coming from a place of sincerity. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Keep your affirming messages to the point and focused on the other person. 

 

Affirmations that are economical with the truth or speak out of character will undermine your relationship, not build it. Make sure you speak from the heart. And you don’t have to use flowery language, just be nice. 

 

3. Tell Your Loved Ones They’re Loved

Saying I love you early in a relationship is easy. But as time goes on, it’s easy to let endearments slide. Get into the habit of telling your partner, your children, your family, your friends how much you love them. Don’t take it for granted that they feel loved, make sure they know it!

 

4. Say Thank You

When was the last time you said thank you for a home-cooked meal? Or for proofreading your job application?  Or even for taking the garbage out?

 

No act of kindness should go unacknowledged. Show your family and friends and colleagues that you appreciate what they do for you. Affirm their role in your life. 

 

5. Give Public Praise

Sometimes the best affirmations come in the form of public acknowledgment. Give credit where it’s due to your team members, your partner, and your kids. Show them you're grateful and proud of them. Make it a point to acknowledge the extra effort and exceptional achievements.

Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem

As parents, we’re always looking for ways to make our kids happier, healthier, and more successful. Yet, few of us know exactly how to do that.

 

Beyond showering them with compliments and positive affirmations all day long, we’re pretty lost.

 

According to experts, what we should be doing instead is teaching them how to be more resilient, feel confident about themselves, and build up their self-esteem.

 

Because we know how much you want the best for your kids, we rounded up five of the most effective ways to build your child’s self-esteem.

 

Let’s get started.

 

Give Your Child Responsibilities

 

Studies show that children who take on age-appropriate responsibilities from an early age grow into highly successful adults.

 

Another thing you can do is give them choices. When children feel like they have options, it makes them feel validated, like their opinion matters.

 

For young children, you can give them a few simple chores around the house. Then, give them the chance to choose between pancakes or waffles.

 

As they grow, their range of responsibilities and choices should grow with them. This will help prepare them for the more challenging choices they’ll face later on in life.

 

So, they may whine and complain at first. But they’ll definitely thank you later.

 

Create Opportunities for Growth

 

We all want our kids to be successful at everything they try out. One way to do that is to pay attention to what your child enjoys doing. Then, help them set achievable goals in their scope of interest.

 

This opens up opportunities for your kids to try new activities and get that bubbly sense of pride when they learn something new. They may even make new friends and engage in social interactions outside of their class environment.

 

Remember that no matter what activities your child seeks out, they need to feel like they’re accepted by their parents. This means that if you want them to be a star athlete and they love painting instead, you still have to show your support and avoid focusing on weaknesses or shortcomings.

 

Get Your Child to See the Bright Side of Failures

 

You probably feel your heart burst with joy whenever your child accomplishes something or masters a new skill. Yet, you have to face the fact that they’re bound to mess up and make mistakes.

 

Your child has to get the message that you’re not seeking perfection. But you put more value on effort and progress, even if it means failing because while failing is never pleasant, it’s still a crucial part of growing up.

 

Plus, if managed properly, failure can be an opportunity to learn something new and stay humble. It also helps them maintain the courage needed to try again, which is always difficult to do even as adults.

 

However, our role as parents is to show our children that we love and accept them no matter what. It also teaches them to have a good attitude even during difficult times, and that it’s important to stay persistent and persevere.

 

Praise from Your Heart

 

You may be praising your child 24/7, but is it really heartfelt? Kids are intuitive when it comes to this sort of thing. They’ll know right away if you mean it or if you’re just going through the motions.

 

So, the next time you praise your child, make sure it’s heartfelt. For example, try saying something specific.

 

Look them in the eye and describe exactly why you feel this way or what particular part of their drawing caught your attention.

 

It may be a very small part of your day that you probably won’t remember a couple of hours later but to your child, it’s an affirmation that they’re loved unconditionally.

 

Avoid Sarcasm

 

It’s easy to let the stress of our jobs and responsibilities get the best of us. Then, we get frustrated and say things we don’t mean.

 

Though, we have to rein in our frustrations and remember that kids take everything to heart. So, even if you’re saying something sarcastic as a joke, all they’re going to pick up on is your tone and your choice of language.

 

Always keep in mind that your child is always seeking your approval, even if they pretend not to care. They want you to notice them and be proud of them.

 

At the same time, we can be too critical of our kids: they’re lazy, they misbehave, and they talk back. But saying these harsh, sarcastic things to your kid won’t motivate them and will only make things worse. So, the next time you get frustrated with your child, take a few minutes to cool off before blurting out something hurtful.

 

Not only will you end up regretting it, but over time, your kid will start to develop a negative view of themselves. This has a direct impact on their emotional and psychological health, which undermines their self-esteem.

5 Signs You Are Way Too Guarded

All of us have run into times when we were hurt or felt like someone took advantage of us. And everyone has a bit of a guard up as they get older, forcing them to be more selective about the people they talk with and the information they share. This can give us some protection, but at some point, we can become too guarded and refuse to let anyone into our lives again. 

 

When you are way too guarded and have put too many walls up around you, it can be almost impossible for you to let someone in again. You may be open to love and want to find someone to spend your life with, but every time someone gets close, you shut them down and push them away. How can you tell that you are too guarded and that this problem is causing a big issue in your life?

 

When we are guarded, we will take normal situations and overthink them or assume that there is something wrong with having them in our relationship. There are several signs that you are acting way too guarded and it is starting to harm your relationships. These signs include:

 

• You swallow all your emotions: You decide to push all of your emotions down and never bring them up because you are desperate for things to be different from the last time. While this may sound like a great idea, pushing the emotions down will just make them explode worse than before.

• You have trouble with intimacy: When someone tries to be intimate with you, you decide to play it off as a joke. You may do this to try and protect yourself, but it ends up hurting the other person, which is not a good thing either. You may notice that feelings overall are going to make you uncomfortable. This can include all types of emotions, from having them, talking about them, and seeing others on screen displaying them.

• You are very critical: You are critical and try to play things off as cool to not talk about your emotions. You may feel that this keeps people at a distance, and it does. They will sense your attitude and run for the hills, especially if they would like a commitment.

• Your personality is intense: Those who have their guard up quite a bit are going to play a part, trying to show off how amazing they are, even when they feel down in the dumps. This can often be overdone, and most people can see right through it. You need to be your true self, not someone else.

• You see commitment as an ultimatum: If the other person wants you to commit, it can feel like a bad thing, even though most would see it as a good thing. People who are guarded see this as a big ultimatum, rather than a great milestone that should be next in a relationship. You may feel like your partner is trying to ruin a good thing by pushing it forward, rather than just letting things be. Your emotions can get the best of you, and it can lead to a fight that will end the relationship. 

 

When you exhibit several of these signs or more, it is a red flag that you are pushing people away and need to look at a new approach. If you have been hurt in the past, it is normal to put these walls up to provide yourself with some protection, but it is time to recognize the signs and bring them down if you want to experience true love again. 

5 Tips To Become A Better Listener

Most of us are good at talking and telling our stories, but when we want to make a lasting connection with other people, we need to take the time to become good listeners. We can learn so much about other people and how they interact with us if we can stop and listen to what they are saying and pay attention to some of their nonverbal cues as well. 

 

According to Harvard Business Review, listening well is a skill that can help you through many areas of your life. By learning how to become a better listener, you will be able to interact with anyone and make lasting connections that will help you succeed. Some of the tips that you can use to become a better listener include:

 

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues

 

Active listening means that you need to pay attention not just to the verbal cues that the person is saying out loud, but also to the nonverbal cues. This will tell you so much more than the words from the other person. There are a ton of nonverbal cues that you can consider listening for including body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. You will be amazed at what this can tell you. 

 

Repeat Back

 

This one can feel a bit unnatural at first, but you will find that it helps you to process what the other person is saying and shows them that you are paying attention. You don’t need to repeat everything but repeat the last few words back when they are done talking. It can keep you on track, helps the other person feel important, and gives you a few seconds to gather your thoughts. There is no reason to put it into your own words; repeat the words exactly as they were said. 

 

Ask Questions

 

You should ask more questions than you think is necessary. This will help the other person feel like you are listening to them and trying to understand what they tell you. And it is a great way to make sure that you are not overlooking the details. It is unlikely that you will ask too many questions at any time, so keep asking them to show that you are paying attention. 

 

Minimize the Distractions

 

It is really hard to pay attention to the other person if there are a ton of distractions going on around you. if you can’t focus in the room, maybe consider asking the other person to go to a new location so you can give them your full attention. Avoid interruptions, noise, and even your phone to make sure that you can give the other person as much attention as possible. 

 

Don’t Rehearse What You Will Say

 

One of the biggest mistakes that people will make when it comes to listening is that they spend more time rehearsing what they will say, rather than just listening. They want to sound witty or get their important information out there and they end up missing out on key details that would help them get along with the other person better. This is something that you need to avoid. 

 

Instead of rehearsing your responses, you should simply take a brief pause when the other person is done to compose your thoughts. You can think four times faster than the other person talks, so you will need to slow things down and learn to pay attention. Use that brainpower to stay focused so that you can take in as much information as possible, rather than focusing on something other than the person in the conversation. 

 

The Impact That Feeling Fulfilled Has On Your Life

Many people confuse fulfillment with happiness. While the two share many common traits, they’re quite different.

 

The biggest difference is that you can be happy because of something that happened at the moment. But, overall, you still feel like you’re leading a life without meaning or purpose, and, hence, no fulfillment.

 

Today, we’re exploring the impact that feeling fulfilled has on your life. Yet, before we can do that, we have to understand what it is and where it comes from.

 

So, let’s dive in.

 

What Is Fulfillment?

 

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, fulfillment is when you feel like you’re ‘getting everything you want from life.’

 

It’s also sometimes described as having a purpose and a sense of satisfaction with how your life is turning out.

 

This means that fulfillment comes from within. It’s not proportional to how much money you have in the bank or how big your house is.

 

In other words, you can still lead a fulfilling life even though you’re living paycheck to paycheck. How? By doing things that give your life purpose and a sense of achievement.

 

On the flip side, you can be one of the richest people in the country, but still not be content with your life. You may not even feel happy with everything you’ve amassed.

 

Here’s an example that will clarify fulfillment more. Think of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do you think he had an easy life? No.

 

But do you think his life was fulfilling? Definitely!

 

Despite all of his struggles, Dr. King found ways to fill his life with a sense of purpose and accomplishment, which made him feel satisfied with all the efforts he’d put in.

 

Where Does Fulfillment Come From?

 

At the basic level of human needs comes health and being provided with the chance to work and pursue your goals. You don’t have to be happy and giddy with laughter all the time. You just need to work toward a certain purpose and get a sense of satisfaction in the meantime.

 

So, because fulfillment is an internal process, you have to be willing to do the heavy lifting to achieve that sense of contentment.

 

In order to do that, you have to do certain things that get you closer each day to having more and more fulfillment in your life.

 

Here are just a few formulas that can help bring more fulfillment to your life:

 

• Count your blessings instead of your problems

• Do more of the things you’re fond of

• Establish healthy habits that bring you joy

• Give back to society by volunteering

• Surround yourself with family and friends

• Embrace a more positive mindset

• Be always ready to learn

 

How Does Fulfillment Impact Our Lives?

 

Now that you know how to find fulfillment, let’s talk about the impact it can have on your life.

 

Give Your Life Greater Meaning

 

Our most difficult moments are when we feel like we don’t matter.

 

When you find fulfillment, all that fades away. You understand the value and meaning of your life and that what you’re doing makes a big difference in other people’s lives, even on a small scale.

 

Remember, fulfillment doesn’t come from what you own or get, it comes from what you give.

 

Focus on What’s Truly Important

 

When you have a sense of purpose, you gain a higher level of clarity. You know what you want, and you have a plan for how you’re going to get there.

 

Focusing on what’s important to you will also help you make better decisions. Thus, you’re able to move towards what you want with more deliberation and persistence.

 

Boost Your Self-Confidence

 

We often let society dictate how we should look, talk, and feel. Yet, when you let other people’s opinions dominate your life, this causes a major dive in confidence and self-esteem.

 

Luckily, once you begin feeling fulfilled, you’ll come to love and accept yourself. You’ll also begin to be more confident, which will help you stay resolute and determined when working to achieve your ambitions.

 

Experience More Joy

 

More fulfillment brings more joy and overall satisfaction. And when you’re contented, you send out positive energy into the universe, which comes back to you tenfold.

 

This allows you to focus on doing more of the things that bring you joy. Plus, somewhere along the line, you stop worrying about what other people think or comparing yourself to others, which is one of the most effective ways to reach fulfillment.

 

Challenge Yourself

 

Because life is about growth and progress, it pays to challenge yourself. Then, you can improve and develop your skill set, expand your wealth of knowledge, and reach new goals.

 

It’s important to keep in mind that fulfillment is independent of external circumstances. It’s a simple balance in everything you do to eliminate disorder from your life and forge a path of gratitude and harmony.

Mental Toughness - The Ability to Self-Monitor

Self-monitoring is a valuable personality trait that helps people inform their behaviors and actions appropriately in any given environment. While this trait can help people “fit in” to the current surroundings more naturally, it can also be an excellent way to fortify your mental toughness. 

 

What Is Mental Toughness?

 

According to Mental Toughness Inc., “Mental toughness is the ability to resist, manage and overcome doubts, worries, concerns and circumstances that prevent you from succeeding, or excelling at a task or towards an objective or a performance outcome that you set out to achieve."

 

Self-monitoring and then acting in a way that may go against your natural instincts is challenging and requires notable mental toughness to achieve.

 

What is self-monitoring?

 

According to the psychology experts at VeryWellMind, “self-monitoring is a personality trait that involves the ability to monitor and regulate self-presentations, emotions, and behaviors in response to social environments and situations.” 

 

When you are self-monitoring, you are paying close attention to how you are behaving and responding to what is happening around you in a socially appropriate way.

 

Sometimes, self-monitoring can feel easy and natural. For example, when you are in a quiet, fine dining restaurant, you likely feel the urge to keep your voice calm and low. On the contrary, if you’re in an amusement park with friends, you probably feel the urge to laugh and talk loudly. In each of these very different scenarios, you are gathering environmental information to inform your actions – and then using that information to make personal decisions about how you’re going to speak, act, and behave.

 

In other situations, self-monitoring can be difficult. If you are having an argument with a friend, you may feel tempted to immediately release your frustrations by yelling at them. However, your self-monitoring skills may remind you that yelling isn’t going to solve the problem – in this case, it is better to take some deep breaths, remain calm, and keep your voice steady.

 

When you exercise self-monitoring in this way, it is a true sign of mental toughness. Going against your natural instincts can be challenging! 

 

If you struggle with self-monitoring, what are some strategies you can use to get better at using it?

 

If self-monitoring doesn’t come easy for you, it is possible to improve these skills. Consider employing the following strategies to get started:

 

1. Practice using your observational skills. 

 

Spend more time listening and observing during interactions and conversations with others rather than trying to respond. You can learn a lot about your surroundings and the people around you this way. With this valuable information, you can begin self-monitoring your own behaviors and choices to match what is happening around you more closely.

 

2. Engage in stepping away from situations so you can process what is happening before reacting.

 

In many situations, particularly shocking or surprising ones, you may feel an immediate urge to react in a certain way. However, you can engage in some self-monitoring practice by choosing to step away from the situation momentarily. This gives you a few private moments to calm down, assess the situation, and then decide a plan of action.

 

3. Pay close attention to yourself, especially in different social situations. 

 

Whenever you find yourself in varying social situations, such as out with friends, in a meeting at work, hanging out at the community park, and anywhere else you find yourself on a regular basis, pay close attention to how you act when you’re there.

 

Taking note of specific patterns in your own behavior can help you improve your own self-monitoring. For example, you may notice that people seem surprised by the volume of your voice when you actually pay close attention – this can help you determine a course of action to modify this behavior in future situations.