5 Types of Negative Self-Talk and How to Stop Them

We like to think we’re optimistic, positive people. After all, no one wants to be considered a grump. Besides, isn’t that what we’re taught from the time we’re children, to smile and think the best of those around us?

 

In truth, we don’t always quite hit the mark. We might mean to be positive, but those negative thoughts have a way of creeping in, especially if we’re tired or anxious. Strong emotion has a way of derailing us, as do the negative influences around us. In short, we’re constantly being broadsided by negativity, and we can’t help but respond in kind. 

 

How do we learn to recognize when our self-talk is turning negative and stop it before it gains a foothold in our lives? We start by learning how to identify the most common culprits.

 

Black and White Thinking

 

The minute you start using ‘all’ or ‘nothing’ statements you’re already falling into a negativity mindset. When this comes up, the best thing to do is to remind yourself the world doesn’t really work that way. In fact, there are more shades of grey than you might think.

 

Tunnel Vision

 

When you can only see the bad in everything, it’s no wonder you can feel lost in a sea of despair and negative self-talk. Here you see the world as only negative and seek out proof by pointing out every flaw or failure. This is defeated by rewording the statements as they come up. Look for the positive spin you can put on things. 

 

The Disaster Plan

 

When you can only see the negative outcome in everything. For this, accept that sometimes, failure happens. You can even use dire predictions to work out a ‘plan B’ in case you need one, but also remember to remind yourself there’s also a chance of success in what you try. There’s no reason to assume the worst.

 

Anticipation

 

In this, you assume you know what someone else is thinking, and it’s never good. To combat it? Try having an honest conversation with the person instead. Let them speak for themselves. They might even surprise you. Again, quit assuming the worst.

 

The Guilty Conscience

 

You messed up. Once. A long time ago. It’s time to let it go. For some people, their brains are expert at bringing up the past, regardless of how much time has passed or what you’ve done to correct the mistake. Here you need to remind yourself of the lessons you’ve learned. Remember, the past is in the past. Look forward, seeing the possibilities. Let go of the rest.

 

The world really is a more wonderful place than you might have realized. When you let go of negative self-talk, you’re giving yourself the ability to try out a new frame of mind and see just how good things can be. Embrace positivity. Discover what the world has to offer!

 

4 Steps to Creating Affirmations that Work for You

You've probably heard about the Law of Attraction, and how powerful affirmations can be to help you get what you want out of life. When you focus on positive thoughts, you can turn around negative beliefs, feelings, and attitudes that have been stopping you from living your best life.  

 

Affirmations are so powerful that it's essential that you get them right. But shaping the right affirmations for you and your situation is not always easy. Here are four steps you can follow to make sure that your affirmations fit you like a glove. 

 

1. Take That Negativity Bull By the Horns

 

Now is the time to identify and confront those negative beliefs that are holding you back. What are the messages that have stuck with you since childhood? Some of the most common ones are that you're not smart enough, or you've never been good at math/writing/public speaking/standing up for yourself. Or the sucker-punch of 'I always mess things up.' These beliefs make you feel bad, and it's time to look them in the eye and tell them to take a hike. 

 

2. Write Down Your Set of Negativity Beliefs

 

Once you have worked out your negative mindset script, be brave, and write them all down, even the ones that make you squirm. Writing them down gets them out of your head and into the cold light of day. 

 

This may not feel good, but it will feel so much better when those words are out of your head. Keep going even if it hurts! Now you're ready for the fun part.

 

3. Make Your List of Opposites

 

This step will feel a whole lot better. Take each negative belief and write down the opposite belief in the second column of your paper. And make sure that you make it a positive statement. Do not write "I am not good at math'; instead, frame it as a positive "I can do math,' or whatever positive statement works for you. If this feels too hard, you can start with something softer like 'I am open to being good at math." 

 

Make your positive statement as strong as possible. 

 

4. Rinse and Repeat

 

The power of affirmations is becoming embedded deep in your mind. And the best way to do that is to repeat them over every day until your affirmations become part of your mindset. 

 

Say them out loud in front of a mirror every day. Make it part of your routine, like brushing your teeth. Soon those affirmations will be beliefs that build you up. 

 

6 Things You Need to Make a Fresh Start in Your Career

How do you feel about your job?

 

To most people, this might be a somewhat loaded question. Jobs are complicated things. We like having them, or we like having the money we get from your employer on payday. But we might not always like the job itself very much. Or we might like the job, but not the people we're working with. 

 

Now imagine if you could have a fresh start.

 

A new beginning when it comes to your job can be a lifesaver. Imagine if you were excited about going to work every day! Let’s look at what you’ll need to make this a reality:

 

Start with an Honest Assessment

 

Does your unhappiness stem from the job or a specific situation? If you still love the job itself but are having problems with a co-worker, your approach will be different from when you feel burned out on the work and want to change careers entirely.

 

Consider Your Skills

 

It’s time to think the way management does when they do your annual review: they tend to start with a SWOT analysis. SWOT stands for:

 

• Strengths

• Weaknesses

• Opportunities

• Threats

 

This kind of review lets you know what you have to offer and where you need some work. If you can figure out your passion and abilities, then combine those into your daily work, you have a winner professionally and a direction for your fresh start.

 

Fill in the Gaps

 

If you’re looking to make a proper Fresh Start, you’re going to want to go in with the skill set needed for where you want to be. Were there areas where you need some further education or training? What can you do to obtain this?

 

Initiate Discussions

 

Next, talk to your mentor for advice on where you should go next. If you don't have mentors, consider talking to others in the position you desire to get their take on the skills you're going to need to get where they are now. With any luck, they’ll also give you some solid advice on how to get there.

 

Consider All the Options

 

Don’t get so locked into one idea that you fail to see other options. 

 

Take a step back to consider all the angles. Are there other jobs that are similar or involve similar skills? What other areas interest you? What are the opportunities you might be missing?

 

Hone the Right Attitude

 

No matter what, as you start on this journey, keep positive. Attitude is everything, especially when you're working on getting ahead. 

 

5 Questions to Ask Yourself to Find Your Life’s Purpose

Some people seem to be born knowing what they want in life. They find their passions or their talents early and just know to go after them. If you’re struggling to work out what is you really want to do with your life, don’t give up. 

 

There are some simple questions you can work through to discover your life’s purpose. While it’s important to give each question proper consideration, try not to agonize over your responses. Allow your Inner Child and your intuition to guide your answers, and don’t forget to think big! Make your starting point ‘in the best of all possible worlds.’

 

Use these questions to dig deep and find out more about yourself so you can set yourself on your true path. 

 

Question 1: If Money Were No Object, What Would You Do?

 

If you had a never-ending magic source of money, how would you choose to spend it? Be honest – the answers are to help you, not to impress anyone else!

 

Question 2: If You Could Do anything for A Whole Day, How Would You Spend it?

 

Think of your perfect day. It’s ok if it’s lying on a sun lounger by a pool or skiing in the Alps. Try and describe your ideal day in as much detail as possible. 

 

Question 3: What’s Your Passion?

 

What energizes you? What gets your heart racing and your imagination firing? It could be political issues, connecting with people, being creative, or playing sports. Whatever your passion is, write it down!

 

Question 4: What Do You Really Love Doing?

 

Do you like nothing more than to bake or learn new gourmet techniques? Maybe you love writing or analyzing or even making spreadsheets. Or being out in nature or helping other people. 

 

Question 5: What Was Your Childhood Passion?

 

Think back to what you loved to do when you were a kid. What did your parents have to call you away from, to come to the dinner table? What was the thing you would lose hours doing?

 

Close your eyes and remember back when you were totally absorbed in some kind of activity, maybe drawing or playing make-believe games or drawing or being outdoors. 

 

Once you have a good picture of what lights you up, both now and when you were a kid, you can start to see some themes emerging. Think laterally about how you can begin to focus on what’s important to you. Your life’s purpose is there in front of you. 

Finding Your Purpose: Questions to Ask Yourself

Do you know how to find your purpose? If you posed that question to several people, the majority would likely answer no. It’s because there is a world of possibilities. People are afraid to try something new out of fear of the unknown. They often don’t know how to go about looking for what they should be doing.

 

You need first to ask if what you are doing now is satisfying. Put aside the bills and your paycheck for a moment. Do you get a charge out of getting up every morning to go to work? How do you feel on Sunday evenings, assuming you start up work on Mondays? Do you dread having to get up in the morning on Monday, or does it excite you?

 

Another problem is you may feel stuck doing something in which you don’t believe. Suppose you work for a company that isn’t doing right by the community. It may be legal, but you don’t feel it’s ethical. It pays well, and that is why you stick with it. You even like many of the people who work there. However, the company sells something that makes your stomach turn. An example of this could be working for a tobacco company. You need to ask yourself if you can continue to work in an environment which doesn't fit well with you. 

 

You will also need to ask yourself what will it take to make changes to get out of your current situation and into something you enjoy. It may require going back to school or at least, training online. Luckily, there are several options available, and many of them are cheap or free. 

 

If you find that the path is well laid out, ask yourself are you’re willing to put in the time and make an effort? If not, you haven’t truly found your purpose. You either need to continue what you are doing or find another path. Keep doing this until you are willing to put forth the effort.

 

You should explore your current situation and determine if you can change up your routine. For instance, ask your company if there are other opportunities within the organization that you can explore. If there are, they may ask you to serve two roles (your old position and your new one) while transitioning. Working like this could require putting in overtime, etc. But it gives you some options to explore your purpose.

 

5 Lessons from Great Athletes Who Use Visualization for Success

If you think visualization is a lot of hooey, think again. Throughout the ages (dating all the way back to ancient China and the days of the Roman Empire), people have been using visualization to achieve their goals. In fact, you'll find many athletes have been using these techniques for years, leading them to achieve more than they ever thought possible. 

 

Don't believe it? Read on to explore several lessons from the great athletes themselves. 

 

It Starts in the Vision

 

MMA fighter James Te Huna said, "I visualize what I'm going to do on that day, walk out to the fight. I'll go over and over it inside my head so when I do actually do it, I've been there 100 times before, so it's nothing new." By having a clear goal from the start, you've already won half the battle. What's your goal?

 

Focus on the Success 

 

You're never going to make the goal perfectly. Visualization can start hurting you if you get super-specific on what you want. For example, picturing the perfect shot in a soccer game might leave you so hung up on doing it a certain way, you'll miss a better shot you're already set up for. Instead, focus on the outcome when it comes to things involving factors out of your control.

 

Focus on an Image

 

On the other hand, it's good to focus on hard on things you can control. A study done on professional basketball players asked one simple question: Do they visualize themselves making a basket before shooting the ball. The answer was astonishing. Those who visualized the shot, made it about 67% of the time. Those who didn't? 54%. By picturing your outcome in your mind, you are that much more likely to make it.

 

Do it Often

 

Professional soccer player, Alex Morgan, had this to say: "Pregame, I eat pancakes for a meal. I always do mental visualization before the game to prepare myself." She's made visualization part of her routine. So should you. By repeating the visualization, you're much more likely to attain the success you desire. 

 

Don't Forget the Work

 

Don't rely entirely on the visualization to get you through. These athletes still practice daily. You still have to put the work in, no matter what it is that you want.

 

Success comes through many channels. Practice, self-talk…all of these things are important. But if you don't succeed first in your mind, you're never going to get anywhere. As every one of these athletes would tell you if they could, their most significant success started right here in visualization. The rest just followed naturally.

 

What Can I Learn From Tasks I Fail to Finish?

It's quite likely there's been a task you've failed to finish at some point in your life, whether it was a project at work or maybe even one in your personal life.

 

However, although failing to finish something isn't a great feeling, there are many ways you can learn from the tasks you fail to complete. 

 

How Not To Do The Task

 

The first thing you will learn from failing to complete a task is how not to do it. This lesson might seem a little silly, but it matters - a lot. Learning what not to do, is an essential part of the learning process. The next time you aim to complete this task, you know what actions and behaviors to avoid. The more times you fail, the more ways you learn how not to accomplish your task. 

 

You Will Learn Something About Yourself

 

Whenever you fail at anything in life, it will teach you a lesson about yourself. Failure - and more importantly - your reaction to failure will teach you a lot about yourself. It will be an insight into your ability to deal with obstacles. You can also learn about your ability to bounce back from failure. Most importantly, failure can reveal weaknesses you need to address or strengths you never knew you had. 

 

That It’s Time To Move On

 

Sometimes, when you fail to finish a task, it may teach you that it is time to move on. While on the one hand, you don't want to give up; on the other hand, you need to examine if it is worthwhile pursuing in the first place. 

 

This lesson is especially true if the reason for failure is completely out of your control. Maybe there isn't a market for that new product idea. Socio-economic issues that you can't do anything about might impact your career. These are times it might be time to move on. 

 

It's also important to examine if your goals still reflect your current values and needs. If you regularly fail to complete a task, maybe it is because it isn't that important to you anymore?  Why waste energy on tasks that don't reflect who you are? 

 

Conclusion

 

You will likely come across a task you cannot finish at some time during your life. Don't fret, though. When you fail to complete a task, it can teach you several important lessons. You can apply those lessons to your next task to ensure you can complete it and finally achieve success. 

 

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Regret Your Past Decisions

Regret is often the outcome of failure. Sometimes it is the result of a poor decision. Sometimes it’s a hard lesson learned. Regret, at its core, is an emotion. But you do not have to feel regret at all when you think of your past decisions that turned out less than stellar. You might even need to be thankful that it happened.

 

Character Building

 

Failure, poor decisions, or whatever, it all builds character. Our character is continuously changed and shaped throughout our lifetime. The only way to do that is through experience. The experiences you have, good and bad, will ultimately build your character in a better and stronger version of what you started with.

 

There’s a Reason for Everything

 

“Everything happens for a reason” is super cliché, but it’s the truth. Be it a bad relationship or a misstep on an important work or school assignment, there is a reason why it happened. Sometimes that reason is just learning a lesson (start early on a big project), or maybe that bad relationship allowed you to meet the love of your life. When regret weighs heavy, take a step back and look at the big, interlocking picture of your life.

 

Lessons Learned

 

We all have to learn lessons. That’s just a fact of life. Instead of regretting every past decision, look back at all the lessons you have learned and the wisdom you now have to move forward more prepared than when you started. Be thankful for the opportunity to learn.

 

Success Isn’t Free

 

No success is free. For every achievement you see, someone somewhere had to pay for it. So, you might as well pay for your own success. For every failure you experience in life, every regret you feel to your bones, you are that much closer to succeeding, to having paid your dues, learned your lessons, and having every tool you need in your toolbox to make your success happen.

 

Regret and success are fickle creatures. You cannot have one without the other. However, sometimes we become so caught up in the woes of remorse that we can’t see the success just over the horizon or that with every failure, we have marked off another way not to succeed. Reframing your regret will open up a new world of possibilities for your past decisions and your future self. 

 

A Successful Career Change Means Getting Uncomfortable

Most human beings cling to comfort, though science has proven that when you step outside of your comfort zone, that is where the most significant achievement takes place. If it weren't for taking uncertain steps out into a scary world, we would still be living in caves and throwing rocks at dinosaurs, waiting around for someone to discover fire. Thomas Alva Edison would never have given us the light bulb, and we probably wouldn't know that bacon goes great with everything.

 

Thinking about changing careers can be scary. 

 

Most people just stay right where they are, because they are frightened by the possibility of failure. Since they have their family to provide for, they make the justification that they shouldn't tempt fate, since moving to a new career might not turn out so well. So that person sticks with their current career even though they are not happy, years later wondering "what could have been."

 

If You Never Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone, How Do You Know What You Are Truly Capable Of?

 

Sports records fall every day because athletes keep pushing themselves. They are not happy with their current level of achievement. They want to know how good they can be, so they train and work very hard. They push themselves out of their comfort zone, their regular training regimen. They lift heavier weights, work out longer, and run faster. The result of becoming uncomfortable, training as they have never trained before, is new personal bests and sometimes world records.

 

This is because of something known as the Yerkes-Dodson Law. Dodson and Yerkes were a couple of psychologists who, in the earliest years of the 20th century, discovered that stress leads to achievement. What they found was that significant achievement did not happen until a person took small steps outside of the environment, surroundings, and behaviors where he felt most comfortable.

 

Small Steps Lead to Big Change

 

They noted that when someone was put in an entirely uncomfortable, stressful environment, performance was horrible. However, taking small steps outside of a person's comfort zone slowly began to expand the area where that person was happy and comfortable. Over time, it becomes easier and easier to take on new tasks and expose yourself to unfamiliar experiences.

 

If your job is killing you, physically or mentally, maybe you should switch careers. Don't take a giant leap, take a baby step instead. Rather than immediately moving from one career to another, why not take a part-time job in a career that interests you? Maybe you can sign up for classes or certification in some field that has captured your attention. These small steps outside of your comfort zone will eventually give you the confidence to move onto an entirely different career if your current field of employment is not working out.

 

Create Your Own Unique Measuring Stick When Changing Careers

Far and away, the most popular reason someone usually gives for wanting to change their careers is to make more money. Money is a necessity. It is what modern societies have come to agree upon as a method for determining the value of things that may or may not be similar. You need it to keep a roof over your head, provide for your family, and put food on the table.

 

The most common way of earning money is employment. You work a job for an individual or a company, and they pay you a certain amount of money for your time and efforts. Because just about everyone is familiar with the concept of money, and it is such an important aspect of our daily lives, it makes sense that this would be a motivating factor for changing jobs or careers.

 

Another reason given for switching careers is a desire to be recognized for the work that you do. You may be looking for power or fame, or simply want less stress and more free time in your life. Those are all common reasons you may be thinking about entering a new field of employment.

 

Maybe you should think again.

 

Far too often, people get caught up in traditional or conventional ways of thinking. You think a particular way because you were taught to believe that way. The clothes you wear and the food you eat are often heavily influenced by what advertisers tell you is popular or cool. If you enjoy wearing a particular shirt, pair of pants, or shoes because you like how they look and feel on you, then by all means, wear that particular item of clothing.

 

However, you should think about where your motivation comes from.

 

Do you want to buy a particular pair of shoes because they are all the rage right now? That may not be the best reason for making a purchase. What happens in a few months when some other type of shoe is the new fashion "must-have," and your current shoes are uncool? You can ask yourself the same question regarding switching careers.

 

Is the reason you are thinking about entering a new field about more money or more free time? You may believe that is exactly what you want. Ask yourself though, is it really? If you enjoy your job but money is a problem, could you sit down and work out a budget that made more sense for you? This could reveal sources of savings which would meet your financial desires, and you could keep a job you liked.

 

There is nothing wrong with using a traditional measure of success as a reason for changing careers. Just make sure that whatever yardstick you use to measure success in your life takes into account your unique personality, desires, and goals.