Why People Fail So Badly at Taking Care of Themselves

Even when you know how important self-care is to your wellbeing, it isn’t always easy to incorporate it into your daily routine. In fact, did you know many people fail when it comes to taking care of themselves?

 

Here, we’ll look at why people generally fail when it comes to self-care and the main things holding them back.

 

It is often perceived as selfish

 

One of the main reasons people fail to take care of themselves is because they feel it is selfish. It could be that you feel guilty when you take time to focus on you. Or, you may worry what other people think, or that you are a terrible parent for not focusing solely on your children’s needs.

 

It is a total myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, it can help you to be a better parent, friend, spouse and relative. The more you take care of yourself, the easier you’ll find it to take care of others. You’ll also show your children the importance of self-care. Teaching them to take care of their own needs is a crucial life skill that’s going to help them to grow up to be happier adults. 

 

It requires effort

 

There is no getting away from the fact that self-care does take some level of effort in the beginning. When you aren’t used to making self-care a priority, you’re going to need to make quite a few changes to your routine. 

 

Coming up with a self-care plan can feel like a chore, making it easy to put it off. However, there are ways to reduce the effort. For example, focusing on one thig you want to improve at a time can really help. Perhaps you’d like to start working out more? Scheduling time to exercise as soon as you wake up for example, can be a great start. Or, if you’re looking to drink more water, focus on that goal first.

 

If you break down your self-care tasks, it makes them much easier, reducing a lot of the effort involved. 

 

Different approaches work for different people

 

Every one of us is different, which means we enjoy and dislike different things. When you initially look at examples of self-care, you’ll find a lot of them relate to things like reading a book or taking a hot bubble bath. These types of activities aren’t for everyone so they might feel self-care really isn’t for them.

 

Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, yoga, and meditation. It is anything that relaxes and takes care of you. So, if you find going for a run is a more effective way of feeling good, that would be classed as a self-care task. 

 

If you find one self-care approach isn’t working, try something else. Self-care should be personal to your own needs. 

 

These are the most common reasons people fail to take good care of themselves. It can be difficult overcoming the initial barriers to self-care. However, once you fully understand what and how important it is, you’ll find it much easier to stick to a self-care routine. 

 

Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?

Is your energy constantly being drained by emotional vampires? The people around us affect how we feel and view the world. There are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others. You could be dealing with a narcissist, or someone who complains most of the time.

 

If you have an emotional vampire draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Below, you’ll discover how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.

 

Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires

 

Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms. They include:

 

• Victims

• Narcissists

• Constant talkers

• Controllers

• Drama queens

 

Each type of emotional vampire will leave you feeling tired and deflated after being in their company. Victim emotional vampires are the people who always play the victim, even when they are the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings, while constant talkers drain your mental energy. 

 

Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them? There are a few signs to watch out for…

 

Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire

 

There are several tell-tale signs that can help you decide if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire. The main signs to watch out for include:

• You feel mentally exhausted after spending time with them.

• You feel depressed or anxious around them.

• You feel like they are putting you down.

• You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.

 

Everyone who encounters an emotional vampire will feel at least one of the things above. You basically don’t feel great when you spend time with them.

 

Protecting Your Energy

 

If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them. 

 

First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoiding being around an emotional vampire is the best way to stop them negatively impacting you. However, this isn’t always possible. 

 

If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you are practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries. You will naturally be more assertive and protective over your time. So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on you. Pamper yourself, take care of your own needs first, and watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.

 

If you are really struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem, as well as provide solutions that can help.

 

Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately, but there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.

 

Criticism Is Not Always Meant to Be Negative

Do you struggle to handle criticism? While some criticism does come from a negative place, most of the time it is meant with love and good intentions. Unfortunately, even if the person criticizing you is coming from a good place, it can still hurt. If you struggle to handle criticism, here we’ll look at why it isn’t always a negative thing. 

 

Differentiating Between Negative and Positive Criticism

 

There are a few ways to determine whether criticism is coming from a positive or negative place. It could be that you naturally respond badly to criticism of any kind. Many people are naturally defensive when they are met with criticism. So, the first step is to tame that initial negative reaction. 

 

Try and view the criticism with an open mind. Remember, none of us are perfect! Could there be any truth in what the person is saying? Also pay attention to how the criticism is delivered. Do they give a reason for their feedback, or does it appear that they are nit-picking just to be difficult?

 

Criticism can come from a negative place, but often it is said to help us improve. Being able to recognize when somebody is being helpful, or just negative, is important.

 

The Role of Self-Esteem 

 

Your self-esteem will largely determine how you react to criticism. The more confident you are, the less likely criticism is to affect you. Those who have a healthy dose of self-esteem will be able to learn from any criticism they receive without taking it too personally. 

 

Think about your own self-esteem. Could it use some improvement? If so, focus on ways to build up your self-esteem and you’ll notice this has a direct impact on your ability to handle criticism. You’ll find a lot of awesome self-esteem building tips online. 

 

Top Tips to Deal with People Who Criticize Instead of Critique

 

We’ve all been criticized when what we needed was an honest critique, with positive and negative points. As you work on building up your self-esteem, there are some other tips you can implement to deal with overly critical or negative people. 

 

Staying calm is important. You may find when you are met with criticism, your initial reaction is anger. However, if you express anger, it isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, it could work in your critic’s favor! Remaining calm gives, you the ability to fully understand where the criticism is coming from and enables you to deal with it much better.

 

If the problems are coming from your boss, try and get to the bottom of where the feedback is coming from. If you feel it is still unjust, ask to speak to somebody higher up in the company. Sometimes we need an outsiders view to see what is really happening.

 

Overall, criticism is never nice to deal with. However, it isn’t always meant as a negative. Some criticism can help you to grow and become a better person. So, don’t be quick to dismiss any criticism thrown your way. Think about it with an open mind and decide whether there is something to be learned. 

 

How Negativity Affects Your Job

When you have a negative mindset, it’s going to affect every aspect of your life. Your energy impacts those around you. So, if you bring a negative energy into the workplace, it’s going to have several repercussions.

 

Here, you’ll discover how negativity affects your job. You will also see how you can start to eliminate your own negativity in the workplace. 

 

How does negativity impact your job?

 

There are a lot of ways negativity can impact your job. When you have a negative mindset, it can affect your performance, work relationships, and overall wellbeing. 

 

The trouble with negativity, is that it attracts more negativity. Therefore, if you go into work with a negative attitude, it is going to rub off on your colleagues too. This will lead to a toxic workplace where nobody is happy and stress levels are increased. 

 

As well as impacting the work environment, a negative outlook can also cause issues with performance. You may not apply for new opportunities as they arise, forcing you to miss out on a potentially better job. You will also notice your energy levels aren’t great, and the quality of your work will suffer.

 

These are just some of the ways negativity can impact your job. So, how can you fix it? 

 

Ways to become less negative at work

 

There are ways you can become a more positive person at work. However, it might take quite a lot of effort to overcome your negative thinking. The best ways to combat negativity at work include:

 

• Identify the cause

• Think of something you are thankful for

• Talk to your boss

• Distance yourself from negative colleagues

 

Identifying the cause of your negativity is crucial. There could be numerous reasons why you have a more negative attitude at work. Maybe you keep getting passed over for a promotion, or you are bored of your current role? Identifying the cause enables you to figure out the best ways to combat it. 

 

Whenever you feel yourself slumping into a negative mood, think of something you are thankful for. After all, it’s difficult to remain negative when you are thinking of something positive. 

 

You may also find it useful to talk to your boss if you haven’t already. If you are unhappy with something, let them know. Ask them for a promotion, rather than waiting for one. You could also ask them for further training opportunities and more responsibility.

 

If you have colleagues who are negative, make sure you distance yourself from them. It could be that others are putting you in a negative mood, so distancing yourself from them will protect your energy and your positivity. If they see you with a more positive outlook, it will also help them to develop one too. 

 

As you can see, there are several ways you can address your negativity in the workplace. Identifying the root cause is the key to finding the right solution. If you are just naturally negative, working on developing a more positive mindset will help. However, this will take time so don’t expect results overnight. 

 

Is Negativity Ruining Your Self-Esteem

When you have a negative outlook, it tends to affect every aspect of your life. Studies have shown that negative self-talk can cause issues with self-esteem.

 

With poor self-esteem, you may feel worthless, or like you don’t measure up to everyone else. It can affect your relationships and prevent you from taking on opportunities.

 

Is negativity ruining your self-esteem? You can discover if negative self-talk is dragging your self-esteem down, as well as what signs you need to watch for.

 

How Negativity Impacts Self-Esteem

 

Self-esteem can both be a cause of negativity, and a result of it. When you have a negative mindset, it often stems from feeling inadequate or due to a lack of control over a situation. This leads to negative self-talk, such as you’ll never amount to anything, or you aren’t good enough to achieve success. 

 

The trouble with negative thoughts is that they multiply quickly. Over time, you’ll find they greatly affect your confidence and cause you to question your value. Negativity is a self-esteem killer, causing you to doubt everything as well as yourself. 

 

Understanding Negative Self-Talk

 

Negative self-talk is basically your inner critic reminding you of all the negative things you or others have said about you. Negative self-talk can have a significant impact on your self-esteem, confidence, and overall wellbeing.

 

Put simply, negative self-talk prevents you from believing in yourself and your abilities. It keeps you from making positive changes and achieving success. 

 

Signs You Have Low Self-Esteem

 

So, how do you know if you have low self-esteem? There are some signs to look out for which may suggest your self-esteem could use some work. These include:

 

• You have little confidence

• You compare yourself negatively to others

• You find it difficult asking for help 

• You worry a lot 

• You find it difficult to accept compliments

 

These are just a small number of the signs of low self-esteem. The question is, how can you eliminate negativity and build up your self-esteem?

 

Ways To Reduce Negativity and Build Self-Esteem

 

If you are ready to start combatting your negativity and building up self-esteem, there are a few things you can do. Start by assessing what is contributing towards your negativity. Is it past experiences such as being bullied at school for example? By figuring out where your negativity stems from, you’ll be able to start working on overcoming it. 

 

Surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to challenge negativity. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference to how you feel. If you are around negative people, you yourself will end up feeling more negative. 

 

Looking after yourself, utilizing positive affirmations, and stopping comparing yourself to others are also good tips you can follow.

 

If you have poor self-esteem, the amount of negativity you experience could be partially to blame. As you focus on becoming more positive, you’ll find that you automatically begin to feel happier and more confident.

 

Is Your Own Negativity Affecting Your Friendships?

You will find a lot of information online about how to eliminate negative friendships from your life. However, what if the source of negativity is coming from you? 

 

It isn’t always easy to recognize when you are being negative. Some people have no idea how their negativity is impacting others. So, if your friendships have been suffering lately and you aren’t sure why, it could be down to your own mindset. 

 

Here, we’ll look at how your own negativity could be affecting your friendships and what you can do about it.

 

Are You a Negative Friend?

 

It isn’t always easy to identify negativity in ourselves. Many people are unaware that they are projecting negativity onto others. So, how can you identify if you are a negative friend? Here’s a few signs to look out for:

 

• You find it hard keeping friends

• You make plans knowing you’ll cancel them

• You don’t check in first or see how your friends are doing

• Most conversations are about you

• They don’t come to you for emotional support

 

Now, some of these signs may not be down to your own negativity. For example, you may not check in first with your friends because it used to always be you initiating contact. In that case, you wouldn’t necessarily be a negative friend.

 

Many people find it hard to keep friends. However, if you generally find it easy to make friends and not keep them, there may be a problem. Assess your friendships, including those from the past. Is there a pattern and could it be down to your negativity?

 

Life gets busy and it isn’t always easy to keep in touch with friends. However, if you literally never contact anyone first, this is a sign you are a negative friend. Remember, friendships are a two-way street. Your friends need to know you care about them too. 

Similarly, if you make plans knowing you’ll cancel them, and make all conversations about you, these are also negative friend traits. 

 

The Impact Negativity Has on Friendships

 

So, why is it important to be a more positive friend? The main one is that negativity can literally kill friendships. Nobody wants to be around somebody who is constantly negative. It brings down their mood, leading them to feel more depressed or drained after they have been around you. 

 

Another way negativity impacts friendships, is that it is bad for the heart. Studies have shown that negative friendships affect our heart health. So, you could unintentionally be causing your friends health issues with your constant negativity. These are just some of the problems you can cause if you are a negative friend.

 

When you bring negativity into your friendships, you won’t have strong relationships. Healthy friendships are important for our health and wellbeing. So, if you do identify as a negative friend, now’s the time to start working on adjusting your mindset. It might not be easy; but, doing so will ensure you have much healthier and happier friendships.

5 Tips To Stop Avoiding Your Problems

According to VeryWellMind,"Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, and rumination are examples of unhelpful coping mechanisms that we may consciously or unconsciously use to avoid tackling a tough issue or facing thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable."

 

The world is a difficult place. Things are moving quicker than ever before, and issues appear to erupt from nowhere. Each day, we fight a plethora of conflicts, and it's all too easy to become exhausted. 

 

The turmoil might drive a person to flee from the troubles they are experiencing. Regrettably, if you strive to do this all the time, you'll spend your whole life running and hiding from your problems. 

 

They will ultimately sneak up to you. So, how can we successfully tackle our issues and move toward a future where we are no longer afraid of them? Here are some ideas to help you quit running away from your troubles.

 

1. Divide Your Problems Into Tiny Steps

 

Greenberg, author of the book The Stress-Proof Brain, advises working through the easiest phases first after splitting the problem into manageable sections. 

 

She gives the following example when you are putting off looking for a new job. You divide this large process into "updating your résumé, finding and contacting references, studying the positions you desire, speaking with individuals you know who work in the field, and so on."

 

2. Make Use Of Your Support System

 

Our support network is an underappreciated asset. Do you feel alone? Do you feel overwhelmed by your problems and cannot find an anchor? Do you get the impression that no one cares about you and that no one is eager to assist you? 

 

If you do, you should have a look around. I am confident that there is someone who would be delighted to assist you in overcoming this obstacle. Remember that we encounter a slew of issues on a daily basis. There is no need for you to believe that you must solve all of them on your own. This might lead to feelings of stress, which can contribute to you fleeing from your problems.

 

If your support system is lacking then get to work! Reach out and create one that works for you. 

 

3. Make A Plan

 

According to Lifehack, “If you’re asking yourself how to stop running away from problems, one thing to think about is whether or not you have a plan. Have you thought about how you’ll tackle the issue? Often, we run from our problems because we don’t know how to solve them. However, just because we don’t know how to confront the issue right now and it seems overwhelming, doesn’t mean that we can’t spend some time to process it and come up with a solution. Taking some time to learn about the problem and how others have overcome it in the past is a great way to start. Wherever you go for information, make sure that your sources are accurate."

 

4. Make Yourself Accountable

 

For example, if you're attempting to better manage your spending and food intake, you should keep track of how much you eat you're spending and what you're spending it on. 

 

Ask others to help you be accountable. Share your goals with others and the steps you are taking to work through your problems. Ask these people to keep an eye out and ask you about your progress. And make sure that you update them about your progress on your own. 

 

5. Running Away Is Not A Viable Long-Term Solution

 

This is most likely the most crucial aspect of learning how to quit running away from issues. It's admitting that fleeing isn't a long-term option. And no matter what time or far you flee, you can never really run from your problems. 

 

Running away from problems is a common way for us to try to avoid them; it's a protective strategy. Running, however, does not completely shield us from anything. Avoidance solves none of our problems. It has never done so in the past, and it will never do so in the future. 

 

Facing our problems is the only way to solve them. This may take time, courage, effort and commitment, but in the end, they are solved and no longer a burden on your emotional and mental health. And, as an added super bonus, overcoming those problems helps you to build inner strength and resilience. 

 

5 Ways To Boost Your Mental Health

Scientists tell us there are certain things we can do to improve our mental wellbeing. These techniques will help you feel more positive about yourself.

 

They teach you how to ride the lows and wait out the lows. Once you know that, nothing can stop you from getting what you want out of life.

 

Today, we’re going to share with you five ways to boost your mental health. Keep reading for more.

 

1. Connect With Others

 

Good relationships don’t need years to build. They can form in a matter of months, or weeks even. Plus, they don’t have to be an all-in, best-friends-for-life type of relationship.

 

Just talking to a neighbor or members of your church can have a great impact on your mental health. You learn to listen, empathize, and build a strong sense of self-worth and value.

 

Have you and a friend not seen each other in a while? Then, reach out and try to arrange a coffee date so you can get together and catch up.

 

How about your children or other family members? Why not try to set an hour during the day where you talk or play games?

 

We all know how social media has become an important part of our lives. And it’s made it easier to stay in touch with important people in our lives, especially if they live far away.

 

It’s good to text and chat on a regular basis. Just make sure technology isn’t replacing your face-to-face communications with people.

 

2. Learn New Skills

 

Learning a new skill or hobby can have a significant boost on your mental health. It’s an excellent way to meet new people and improve your self-esteem.

 

It’s nice to have a sense of purpose, other than your work. It gives you something to look forward to each day.

 

The problem, however, is many people complain they don’t have enough hours in the day. Luckily, though, technology has made learning more accessible.

 

Here are some of the ways you can use those high-tech gadgets you have to good use:

 

• Sign up for an online course, like learning a new language or a practical skill like programming

• Look for free video tutorials online to help you out with a DIY project

• If you enjoy cooking, find healthy recipes and learn how to make them

• Try a new hobby that challenges and entertains you, like painting, writing, or gardening

• Learn to play a new sport or physical activity

 

3. Pay More Attention

 

We’re all guilty of not paying attention to people and things going on around us. We’re always busy with work or scrolling through our social media feed.

 

Learning to focus all your senses on the present moment can improve your mental well-being. It also boosts your mood and lowers stress levels. Experts call this type of focus ‘mindfulness.’

 

When you practice mindfulness, you enjoy the little things in life. Things like watching a bird soar overhead or taking in the nuances of nature are just two small examples.

 

When you’re in tune with the small details, you feel more relaxed and at peace. Plus, you start to get a better understanding of what makes you happy or anxious, which is a healthy way to approach life’s challenges.

 

4. Get Physically Active

 

When you do any type of physical activity, you boost your physical fitness, as well as your mental wellness. It could be a short 15-minute walk, an hour of cycling each week, or 30 minutes at the gym. You pick the activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good.

 

Then, once you start noticing the difference, you start to feel good about your looks. That’s when your confidence will soar through the roof.

 

In addition, your brain signals the nervous central system to release ‘feel-good’ hormones known as endorphins. These wonder chemicals trigger a positive response, which boosts your mood. They also reduce feelings of pain and anxiety.

 

Check out the following tips on how to get moving to boost your mental health:

 

• Look online for free activities catered to your fitness level

• Find local centers where you can dance, swim, or cycle

• Try running with a ‘couch to 5K’ app or podcast

• If you have a chronic health condition or a disability, there are many exercises and physical activities that can be customized to meet your needs

 

5. Give to Others

 

According to research, acts of kindness and giving are great ways to improve your mental well-being. The reason is that when we help others, our brains trigger the release of another ‘feel-good’ hormone called oxytocin.

 

This chemical promotes feelings of empathy and trust. It also makes us calmer, happier, and more inspired to do more.

 

Giving to others could be volunteering at a local shelter or helping out someone on a personal level. The point is to offer your time and energy doing something for other people. In return, you’ll feel good about yourself, knowing that you’re valued and appreciated.

 

Losing Weight After 50

As you get older, you may notice that it is increasingly difficult to lose weight. This is especially true after you pass the milestone 50^th birthday. Don’t fret though, as there are many tips you can use to help you to effectively lose weight after you turn 50. 

 

Why Is It So Hard To Lose Weight After 50?

 

You may be wondering why turning 50 is so hard on your body. And honestly, a lot of it has to do with your lifestyle slowing down. Chances are you are no longer as active as you were before, spending more time sedentary than in your previous decades. And according to Healthline, 50 is also when you experience metabolic changes that also contribute to having less energy and weight gain. 

 

Your social life is also probably slowing down at this time as well. If you have kids, they no longer need the constant chasing they needed when they were young, and your friends are probably no longer inviting you for jogs in the park. You are also more comfortable and established at your job, no longer working a side hustle to make ends meet. All of this adds up to a life that is generally much less active overall. 

 

How Do You Remedy This?

 

Although you are probably receiving less invitations to do active things with friends, this doesn’t mean that you can’t invite them to do something active with you! Next time you find yourself with a free afternoon, invite a friend for a walk around the park. This way you will be doing something active that is good for your body while also being social.

 

And if you haven’t already, it’s probably time to switch out your diet for something a little bit healthier. Back in the day, it was easy to work off any excess calories you may have consumed. But now it takes more exercise than ever to burn off extra calories, so it’s better to just stick to a healthy diet. If your life is especially sedentary, it may be time to cut back on your portion sizes as well.

 

Shift From Cardio To Strength Training

 

Besides just eating right and trying to stay active, as you grow older it’s also critical that you swap your exercises from cardio based to more strength training. This is because your muscles and bones are more likely to be injured now than ever before, and with proper strength training you can prepare your body properly for exercise and mitigate injuries. 

 

This doesn’t mean you have to stop all cardio however, and if you are an avid athlete like a runner or biker—keep on doing what you are doing! But be aware that you need to schedule ample time for strength training in order to retain your muscle strength, as this decreases after 50 even with a cardio routine. 

 

In one article on Healthline, it is mentioned that strength training also helps to boost your metabolism, which will help you to have more energy. And when you have more energy for your workout, this will keep you on track for your weight loss goals. Just make sure you develop a regular workout routine and stick to it. 

 

Losing weight after 50 can be a challenge. This is because once you hit the milestone birthday, your metabolism starts to slow and your life becomes more sedentary. Combat this by keeping yourself social, eating a healthy diet, and active, while shifting your focus towards strength training. This way you will be able to work out in a way that is beneficial for your body and lose weight as you enter a new phase of your life.