Resiliency and Positivity Go Hand-in-Hand

It’s hard to imagine being resilient without being positive. Some people can be resilient in their negativity. However, in the long run, that negative behavior will sap the energy out of them. You cannot thrive for very long in an environment filled with negativity. You will lose resiliency in this environment.

 

When you project a positive outlook, others will follow along. People are attracted to this outlook and will want to make it continue. While some people will be attracted to others who are negative, on the whole, they prefer positive people. When this happens, you will be resilient by bringing others along.

 

When you are positive, you are more likely to look for solutions to problems. When you are negative, you are more likely to look for excuses. How can you be resilient when you are looking for excuses? Nothing will get done which means you will hold yourself (and others) back. Plus, if you are one to look for excuses constantly, others will catch onto this and avoid you. If you do this in your job, it could eventually lead to your dismissal. After being fired from your job, there's no way you can be resilient.

 

Being positive doesn’t mean you should never complain. Sometimes, you need to point out weaknesses where you know they exist. However, positive people tend to offer up alternatives which make them part of the solution. Imagine if several such people offered up alternatives. Solutions would surface quickly, wouldn’t they? Contrast this to excuse makers. They will never find solutions. 

 

It’s believed that people with positive attitudes have a greater chance at beating life-threatening diseases as well. Your body has the best mechanisms available to fight diseases, even better than medications. If you are positive about your outlook, it will set your body to the optimal conditions that should help you battle those diseases. Even if this weren’t true, it certainly is better than being negative, which increases stress. Stress has been proven to block the disease-fighting aspects of your body.

 

Think back to positive and negative times in your life. When were you happier, negative or positive? It’s likely that you chose positive times as being happier. It’s also likely that you were the most productive during this time. By extension, being productive means you were resilient. It all came from that positive attitude.

5 Methods for Stopping Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks

Imagine this: you’re on your way. You’re about to make some serious progress in something which matters deeply to you when suddenly, there it is. A nasty little inner voice telling you all the ways you’re going to fail.

 

The brakes slam on. Wherever you were on this particular road to realizing your goals, you’re parked now and going nowhere fast. All because of some negative self-talk.

 

Nope. You can’t let it end that way. It’s time to re-write the script and get moving again. It’s the negative self-talk that needs to stop in its tracks, not you. 

 

How? Try these methods for some quick and easy success:

 

Take a Reality Check

 

When you hear the negative thoughts, ask yourself if this is really what the truth of the matter is. Are you ‘always’ late or just ‘sometimes’? Negative self-talk tends to exaggerate.

 

Soften the Blow

 

Try rewording something negative into something a little more passable if you can’t figure out the positive counterpart. Even taking the sting out of the words will help you to feel more motivated. For example, thinking, “I cannot possibly finish on time” might become, “I will finish this project, and even if it’s late, it will be okay because I talked to my boss about it.”

 

Think Like a Friend

 

When you hear negative self-talk, ask yourself if you would talk to someone else in the same way. If not, ask yourself what you would say instead to your friend about the same topic. Practice talking to yourself the way you would to them.

 

Look into the Future

 

Will this really matter tomorrow? Or next week? Or next year? A lot of negative self-talk is focused so much on the here and now. We tend to forget how little these words will matter outside of today. Brush off the things which have no bearing on your future.

 

Stop the Thought

 

Even interrupting your negative self-talk will change the script and force another ending to the story. With this in mind, simply tell yourself to stop when you hear negative thoughts. Force yourself to think about something different. If the negative thinking comes up again, tell it quite firmly to disappear again. Keep doing this until it goes away and stays away.

 

Feeling better now? Hopefully, you’re back up and running. The sky is the limit! Now get moving, and don’t look back.

Reasons We Struggle with Patience

The alarm fails to go off, so you oversleep. Now you are late, and you have a flat tire to make things worse. You know that if one more thing happens, you might explode with some expletives that would make a sailor blush. 

 

Every day, we fight to maintain a sense of calm as the world around us pushes our patience buttons. We may have heard that patience is a virtue, but why is it so hard to be patient? What factors play into our ability to let go of our frustrations and let things roll off our backs? 

 

6 Reasons People Are Impatient

 

Our fast-paced society has us frustrated over small things. Even though we know we need to learn how to be patient, we all still struggle, and here’s why:

 

1.       Our habits are disrupted. Habits offer comfort. They give us a sense of calm in a chaotic world. We become impatient when something comes along and disrupts our typically scheduled patterns.

 

2.       Things are important, but time is running out. You have an important meeting. While you left with plenty of time to get there, delays occurred. You may have a flat tire, or there is an accident on the highway. As the clock hands move closer to the appointment time, your patience grows thinner and thinner.

 

3.       Other people succeed, and we don’t. The comparison trap can cause much upheaval in your life. Seeing others succeed in pursuing their goals while you are stuck in a rut is bound to cause jealousy and some impatience on your part.

 

4.       We feel overwhelmed. Having too much to do leaves many of us feeling overwhelmed. So we move from task to task, working fast and efficiently until someone comes along and tips the apple cart. Now things are stalled, and patience is lost.

 

5.       We don’t see results as fast as we think we should. Let’s say you want to lose weight. You research methods and choose to eat healthier and exercise. You start out great and drop seven pounds your first month. Then you lose two; then none for several weeks. When progress stalls, it is easy to grow impatient.

 

6.       We are tired and hungry. Anytime you are tired, you are likely to lose your patience with others fast. Being hungry has the same effect. 

 

Recognizing why we become impatient is the first step in pursuing a happier life filled with patience. Consider which of these reasons play the most significant factors for you, and then learn how to combat impatience.

How Can I Be Happy with What I Have?

Are you struggling to be happy with what you already have? Are you constantly wanting more? Well, you may know by now that being content with what you already have is a major aspect of being happy. Below are some tips to help you stop focusing on what you don't have and be happy with what you do. 

 

Cut The Social Media

 

One of the main reasons people often feel they aren’t happy with their lives and the things they have is that they see friends and family with things they lack. If this sounds like you (be honest), it is time to ignore these people on social media. If it isn't just certain people but social media as a whole, then it's time to delete the apps completely off your phone. Less focus on social media will help you to be happier with what you have.

 

Make a List

 

As weird as it sounds, sometimes even just making a list can help you be happy with what you have. So, take the time to catalogue all the amazing things you have in your life. They do not have to be things either; you could also include attributes you are thankful for and people you are glad to have in your life. For best results, you should make lists of what you are thankful for regularly. 

 

Celebrate The Little Things

 

Another reason that people find that they can't be happy with what they have is that they are waiting around only to celebrate the major milestones of life—and there simply aren't that many big milestones. Instead, you need to practice celebrating the small wins in life, no matter how small they may be! Did you get through an entire week of workouts? Tell all your friends! Or maybe you decorated a new wall—send pictures to your family! Celebrating the small wins in life will help you realize how many amazing things you should celebrate. These mini-celebrations will help you to be happier with what you have.

 

Sometimes, it can be quite the challenge to be happy with the things you have in life, but if you cut the social media, you may find this is a huge catalyst for your happiness. Follow this by making a list of what you are grateful for and celebrating the small things, and you will be happy with what you have in no time!

 

6 Indicators You Might be Overthinking Things

Have you ever considered you might be overthinking?

 

While carefully considering a new idea can be an excellent thing, there comes a time when thinking about something needs to give way to action. Sometimes, though, we stall ourselves out by getting so involved in our thoughts, we never act at all. 

 

At what point does serious planning become obsessive overthinking? Ask yourself these questions:

 

How Many Times Have You Gone Over This in Your Mind?

 

Considering a new thought or question a few times is natural. If you’re thinking about this constantly over several hours or even days, you’re probably getting too caught up in your thoughts.

 

How Many Times Have You Gone Over That Conversation?

 

Overthinkers can’t let anything rest. If you find yourself revisiting past discussions to the point where you have every piece of dialogue memorized, and even analyzed, you’re definitely overthinking.

 

Where are the Shades of Grey?

 

People who overthink tend to concentrate on absolutes – everything is either all one way or all another. There’s never any middle ground. If you can’t find the shades of grey, you’re overthinking things.

 

How Important is What Other People Think?

 

This goes back to the idea of repeating conversations in your head. Typically, we obsess over what the other person said because we’re worried about their opinion of us. If you’re concerned about how the world sees you, you’re already in trouble. The truth of the matter? At this point, you’re thinking about them, far more than they’re thinking about you.

 

What is the Motivation?

 

If you’re spending a lot of time trying to figure out why people are doing something, you’re venturing into dangerous territory. Unless you’re wanting to find out something positive (such as how they did something you want to emulate), you’re wasting your own time. What does it matter if they chose to do a sure thing? Unless it impacts you directly, it’s really none of your business. 

 

How Are You Sleeping?

 

If racing thoughts are keeping you up at night, you’re overthinking, plain, and simple. Bedtime is when you’re supposed to let go and allow yourself to rest.

 

Whenever you allow yourself to be caught up in a spiral of worry and anxiety, you’re allowing your thoughts to take control of your day. Over time, your thoughts can take over your life, keeping you from the things you desire. When this happens, it’s definitely time to take a solid step back so you can restore the appropriate balance once again.

5 Tips for Helping You to Unwind when Worried

Some days we’d rather not go through. Let's face it, we all go through times of intense stress and worry. The idea of unwinding at all in these circumstances can feel impossible. At the same time, it's these bad days where we need to unwind more than ever.

 

With this in mind, let’s take a look at several tips designed to help you unwind even when you’re worried.

 

Start By Getting Back into the Moment

 

A lot of what we're doing when we're worrying is living in the future. We're caught in a world of 'what if' and speculation. This is why it's crucial to get back into the here and now. Mindfulness or meditation can help you focus on where you are right now. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Don't allow thoughts to intrude. Instead, allow yourself to drift, thinking about what you hear or smell. It doesn't have to take long. Even a few minutes of mindfulness will help you to unwind significantly.

 

Are You Being Reasonable?

 

What are you worried about most often? Is this a reasonable worry? Sometimes all we need to unwind is a quick reality check. You might be overthinking things. If you're not sure if you see the situation clearly, this might be a good time to talk to someone else about what's going on. Do they see things the same way? 

 

Let Go

 

There are some things you’re not going to be able to change about what’s going on right now. Remind yourself whatever is happening is just another piece of this particular segment of your life. You will get through it. You'll find it easier to relax if you can release what is out of your control.

 

Forget the Fortune-Teller

 

Sometimes when we’re worried, we’re falling into the trap of thinking things are very black and white. Generally speaking, things are seldom as bad as we imagine them to be. Take a deep breath and let the situation unfold as it will without trying to predict the future. 

 

What Are You Telling Yourself?

 

Sometimes we get in the habit of seeking out the negative, especially when it comes to ourselves. Could it be you're worried about something which isn't even true? Consider the words you use when talking to yourself. If you’re using more negative than positive phrasing, start changing the dialogue to more positive statements. It’s a lot easier to unwind when you’re not beating yourself up all the time.

 

While these tips might not necessarily solve the crisis in your life, they'll help you to put even difficult times into a better perspective, allowing you to at least take some time to breathe and figure out the next steps. Truly, you've got this!

Fear-Based Motivation

Fear can be an effective catalyst for motivation. For example, if your boss tells you to get your project done on time or you will lose your job, you can be sure you’re going to do everything in your power to get that project done. You may resent your boss for doing this, but you are probably going to do as he or she wishes unless you are looking to get fired.

 

Another situation where fear will motivate you is when something crucial breaks in your home. It could be the furnace giving out in the middle of winter. You are at a point where you have no choice but to call for expensive repairs. If you don’t, you’ll risk the pipes freezing and being uncomfortable.

 

We all have a certain amount of fear-based motivation. But, is it the best way to get people to do things? In the case of the furnace, you’ll have no choice and have to chalk it up to being a part of life. But, in the case of your boss harping on to you, is there a better way for him or her to handle the situation? Can you continually work in an environment based on that kind of fear?

 

It’s questionable whether motivation based on fear is sustainable. If you are an employee and there aren’t many jobs available as alternatives, you may feel like you have no choice but to comply. But, sometimes, this kind of negative working environment gets people more motivated to get out of the situation. In other words, the motivation tactics may work in the short-term, but eventually, employers may experience a high turnover when those employees recognize there are other choices. The internet is a great equalizer in this regard as more people can choose to freelance on their terms.

 

There’s an old saying about how you catch more flies with honey. If managers would recognize they would get more loyalty out of people by offering incentives rather than scare tactics to get their employees to do the work, maybe turnover wouldn’t be so high. Unfortunately, these managers don’t learn this until it’s too late. And even then, will they make any changes? Often, they make the justification that it’s the employee’s fault and they decided to leave.

 

Think about the impact you have if you are a manager trying to motivate your employees. If you have used fear as a motivator, is it something that has worked for you in the long-term? Or, did you simply set an environment where people couldn’t wait to get away?

5 Ways to Remain Self-Motivated After a Setback

You did it! You figured out how to be self-motivated. It was no small feat, but now you’re done…right? 

 

Not so fast. Just because you learned how to be motivated from within doesn’t mean the chase is over, and you’ve won the game. 

 

Just as life has its ebbs and flows, people have their own ups and downs. You may have a setback (or two or three), and in that case, you have no idea how your mindset could change. 

 

That may sound daunting, but it’s important to be realistic. If you’ve gotten this far as a self-motivated individual, you’ve likely had to be realistic with yourself in the past. It’s not game over – you’ve just started a new level, a new phase of life that you’ll have to conquer. Check out these 5 ways to keep up the self-motivation after facing a setback. 

 

1. Redefine Your Approach

 

If you did the same things for your entire life and never made changes to your approaches, you probably wouldn’t make much progress. When you feel like you hit a roadblock, view it as a chance to figure out a new way around it. 

 

2. Spend Time with People Who Make You Feel Good

 

Not everyone makes you feel great. Whether it’s a personality conflict or someone who brings you down, if you feel like you’re leaving a social situation with more negative feelings than positive ones, it might be a good idea to check out of it altogether. Those people definitely won’t lift you up and help you get back on your feet. 

 

3. Give Yourself Some TLC

 

The first thing you may do when you experience a setback is to get angry with yourself. You may turn from self-motivated mode to self-deprecation mode in a matter of moments. Don’t do that! Instead, remind yourself of all the great things you’ve done – all of your accomplishments and wonderful qualities. Give yourself a designated period of self-care, because as soon as you beat yourself up about something, it’ll be much harder to get those inspiration levels back up later. 

 

4. Reward Yourself at Least Once Daily

 

While you’re indulging in self-care, be sure to do at least one positive, uplifting thing daily. That doesn’t mean finishing a pint of ice cream or staying in bed all day. It means you should do something productive that makes you happy. Try taking a walk outside or cooking a healthy, delicious meal. Maybe you’d like to try out a new hobby or start going to the gym. 

 

5. Let the Past be the Past

 

It’s called the past for a reason. You could spend hours thinking about what happened before your setback and how you could have changed it. Hindsight is 20/20, so the only thing that will happen here is it will make you feel worse. Be confident in your decisions, and don’t look back. 

 

How A Gratitude Mindset Can Help You Reach your Goals

When we have a long-term goal we are working towards, it’s easy to be so focused on it that we start to believe we won’t be happy until we reach it. It’s important to have long-term goals, but not at the expense of your daily life. Staying in a place of gratitude for what you already have and what you’ve already achieved in your life can be a huge benefit in reaching your goals. 

 

Gratitude Makes You Happier

 

Neurologists have learned that feelings of gratitude actually change the way your brain works. When you are consciously aware of all the wonderful things in your life, you are happier and more content. When you are happy and feeling good about your life, it’s easier to believe that more good things await you down the road.

 

Gratitude Lowers Stress

 

A life filled with the struggle to always be better will lead to a life of stress. Yes, you want to reach your goals. You want to unlock all the potential that’s inside you. But finding a way to balance this desire with gratitude for what you’ve already accomplished and what you have in your life today is also important. When constantly pushing yourself forward, it’s easy to believe you aren’t good enough today. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for today lowers your stress level and helps you enjoy the journey to your ultimate goal.

 

Gratitude Makes You More Optimistic

 

Believing the grass is always greener on the other side is a sure way to ensure your dissatisfaction with life. It makes you feel like you may never get the life you want. This pessimism just makes everything in life harder. You may even just give up on your dreams because you don’t believe you can attain them. Keeping a grateful mindset offers you a way to enjoy life now and look forward to the future, once your goals have been realized.

 

Obtaining a grateful spirit doesn’t take a lot of time and effort, but it makes a huge difference in your life. Start by keeping a small notebook with you or using an app on your phone to note the little things that happen throughout your day that you are grateful for. Some people prefer to keep a gratitude journal by their bed and add a short list of things that they are grateful for that day. Give it a try if you feel you’ve been too focused on a goal and it’s making you unappreciative for what you already have.

 

5 Places to Find Friends as an Adult

When did everything get so hard? 

 

Somewhere along the way, we grew up. Life started getting bogged down with responsibilities and plans for the future. While much of this is exciting, what happens all too often as we start laying aside our childhood, is we unintentionally put aside our innate ability to make friends easily.

 

Don’t believe me? Think back to when a trip to the playground ended in a ‘new best friend’ after about 20 minutes of sharing the swings with a stranger. Now ask yourself, when is the last time you connected that quickly with someone new?

 

The problem is, adult friendships are crucial, not just to our mental well-being, but to our physical health as well. It’s been proven that having friends leads to less stress, less chance of heart disease, and longer life.

 

But where do we find these new friends? 

 

Try an App

 

Hey!VINA works much like a dating app, but with one very significant difference. Here the goal is to find someone with like interests you may want to befriend. A quick swipe of your finger starts a conversation, leading to a connection and eventually, friendship.

 

Try a Meetup

 

Looking for some fun group activities in your area? Meetup.com is easy to use on your computer, tablet, or phone. Here you search for events of interest to you. You’re then presented with a variety of groups who like to engage in those activities, giving yourself a chance to meet several interesting people at once.

 

Learn Something

 

Signing up for a class allows you to indulge in a new interest at the same time as meeting someone new. Always wanted to cook gourmet dinners? Been thinking about taking flying lessons? Whatever interests you, this is a surefire way to meet new people.

 

Grab a Book

 

Your local library or independent bookstore is a great place to indulge a love of reading while at the same time, getting to know someone new. Book clubs stimulate you intellectually and introduce you to people in the community who share a love for the written word.

 

Take a Walk with a Furry Friend

 

If you have a dog, why not explore more than your own backyard? By taking Fido to your local dog park, you’ll have an opportunity to meet other dog lovers, while at the same time, giving your faithful friend a chance for a little puppy socialization. This is a win all around!

 

Meeting people doesn’t have to be complicated. Opportunities truly are everywhere. So be bold and try something new. You’ll be glad you did!