Take the Good in Life and Reject the Rest

When was the last time you watched a bee as it busily went from flower to flower collecting the nectar and pollen that would become the life saving energy source for the larvae back at the hive? While some bees are happy to collect pollen from many different plants and flowers, others specialize in only collecting from certain species. The honey produced in the hives of these specialist bees is highly sought after for its unique qualities and flavors.  

 

In our life choices, we can be like the specialist honeybee, taking the good things offered to us in life, and rejecting the rest that will potentially harm us, or our quality of life. Learning to say no is a powerful tool that many of us rarely, if ever use. There is nothing wrong with the pollens and nectar than the specialist bees reject. They have the potential to produce delicious honey, for the honeybees that are searching for a special type of pollen; they represent imperfections and time-wasting activity.

 

Learning to reject or say no to what will hurt or harm us in the long term is the key to reducing the amount of stress we carry each day and to feeling better about ourselves, but also the choices we make. As we learn to reject the things that will harm us, we are more inclined to accept the things that will help us. Perhaps more importantly, we are able to learn to tell the difference between the two.

 

How can you tell the difference between what to accept and what to reject to help you stay stress free? Most of us know instinctively what is going to cause us distress. These things never be accepted and   must be rejected from our life, but what of those things that will cause us stress but not distress? Can we trust our instincts with them?  

 

Growing through stress is not a bad thing and sometimes we do need to move outside of our comfort zone to achieve progress in our life. The key to knowing what will produce good stress and what will produce negative stress is to have a life plan and only accepting those things that contribute to our life plan. Saying no to other things, helps keep us focused on our goals and thinking positively about our life experiences.

Self-Acceptance Is the Key to Life Transformation

Sometimes, in the course of our lives, we find ourselves saying yes to things, which create tension in us. As we think of them, or about them, we wonder why we keep allowing ourselves to make the same bad decisions. Dwelling on the decisions we make can create a cycle of negative thinking and resisting the urge to say no can just keep adding to the tension we are experiencing.

 

The desire to be successful is important to most of us. We want to be the best husband, or provider for our family, or the best at our job. We want to make the best cakes or be the best mother or wife. Our self-esteem is often dependent on how we think others think about us. Our struggle to achieve great things in our life is often the result of a desire to feel accepted by others.

 

Even the most self-confident of people have their insecurities about themselves. People with famous faces often resort to face lifts and heavy use of make-up to protect their public image. Being insecure is not a failing, but part of our humanity. When those insecurities begin to drive our decisions and our choices, then we risk making poor decisions and creating inner tension and negative self-talk. 

 

To help develop a strong sense of self-acceptance, it is important to ask ourselves about the intentions we have in making our decisions and what our motivations are in accepting it. Sometimes the good decisions we make, aren’t the best decisions. Instead, they reinforce the cycle of trying to find self-acceptance by first experiencing the acceptance of others. 

 

Taking an inventory of our own dreams and strengths is essential to breaking this cycle. Our value and worth aren’t dependent on who others think we are, but in what we think of ourselves. As we get in touch with, and enjoy the person we are, we are able to make life decisions that contribute to and enhance our self-image and in the process, we find others accept us. 

 

The cycle is reversed when this happens. When we accept ourselves, we begin to learn how to be self-confident and generous in our acceptance of others. We find ourselves being naturally accepted by others for who we are and not for what we do.

How to Accept Compliments Graciously

Do you remember the last time someone gave you a compliment about your looks or your work? Did you accept that compliment with grace and appreciation, or did you, like most people, thank the person for giving it to you, and then immediately try to justify it? 

 

If this sounds like you, then today is the day to change that pattern of thinking. Learning to accept compliments, especially sincere ones given by family and friends is an important step towards inner peace and happiness. We are so quick to criticize ourselves and so slow to accept compliments from others, but as we learn to take this important step in our life, we find that it enriches our relationships and changes our perspective on ourselves and on the way we approach life.

 

Learning to accept compliments is an important self-growth and development step. Perhaps you feel, like most people, that to accept compliments is to start on the pathway to self-pride and no one likes an egotistical person. There is a big difference between having pride in one’s achievements and being proud and this is something that we all need to learn to counter the negativity of our self-talk.

 

Every day we tell ourselves we are not good enough, or we don’t deserve the help that offered to us, or that we are not as beautiful as our spouse assures us we are. Challenging that talk requires accepting the opposite perspective and allowing people to tell us what they think of us, rather than what we think of ourselves. 

 

When we reject the compliments and the comments of others genuinely praising our efforts, we are in effect, rejecting the person who has given them. Eventually people will stop giving the compliments or offering the help if they feel we are rejecting it. This can affect our marriages, our work relationships and even our chance of career and personal development. 

 

Try saying a simple and genuine thank you the next time someone offers you a compliment or praises you for a job well done. Allow your self-talk to be challenged by their words and to create a hunger in you to see yourself as others see you. Write in a journal your attitudes to what is said to you and your response to it. You may feel uncomfortable at first, as you practice saying thank you without comment, it will transform you.

Your Relationship with Your Community

Would it not be so good if everybody could relate with the other without having to fight or using violence? I think the world would have been the best place to be and probably the astronauts would be thinking twice before leaving for space.  Would it not also have great if no one had to say mean things to the other or break their hearts? It is so sad how little people consider humanity to be and this is seen in the many wars that have taken part in different parts of the world. It is crystal clear that our relationships are the source of our never-ending problems. If only people could relate well then there would have been no bloodshed, no lives lost no homeless people, no orphaned children, no widowers or widows. 

 

We keep hearing of nations where peace is unheard of, fighting is always the order of the day reason being; tribalism or the greed of a leader who is too selfish to accept the fact that his/her ruling time is long overdue. It is such a pity how someone would prefer being filthy rich to helping others, how mean is that? It really does not cost anything to share the little you have with the one who has nothing, it’s funny because we do forget that no one knows how tomorrow will be and maybe, just maybe the same thing would happen to us the next day or to someone we know.

 

To solve our issues like war we first have to deeply consult ourselves in terms of relationships. Love is very essential factor in building healthy relationships, smile to that stranger who comes to your office looking for a job vacancy, properly shake their hand, be friendly to that person who is asking for directions, kindly help the visually disabled or the old people to cross the road, welcome your new neighbor to your neighborhood in a warm manner, donate food and cloth stuff to the needy, do some community work in your area like collecting garbage or cleaning up. 

 

Do not give tribalism, religion or the skin color the first priority when you meet someone in an event or when one needs your help. Get to know others despite of where they come from, it is not a place that makes a person, it is their character and personality. If you put out your best side by doing all those loving things to others, don’t you think you would change the world?

Stages of a Relationship

For one to have a successful relationship there are various steps which are supposed to be followed. You must follow these steps as they appear and not jump even one of them. Why most relationships fail is because they did not follow the various steps in order. For a long-term relationship to be successful, the parties must follow the steps. These steps bring about fresh feelings, challenges that you are supposed to conquer and fresh chances for development. 

 

The first stage of a relationship is the romance stage. This is the stage that you try to please one another and try not to hurt the other. This stage is also called the courtship or the fantasy stage. This stage can last from two months to two years depending on individuals. This is the stage that you have so much in common and you almost appear as one person. You also spend most of the time together and conflict is the worst when it comes to this stage. This stage is the one that the base of your relation is built. You will also experience some biological produce. These effects make you happy all the time. This is the stage that you feel extremely happy and you do not think that this feeling will ever end.   

 

The second stage is the disillusionment stage. This is the stage where you come to reality and you familiarize yourself with the reality. This is the stage that you get to understand your partner more and know their defects and weaknesses. In this stage you will start to feel less hyper because the biological produce of endomorphism is low. You will notice that your partner is not so perfect after all but there are some parts of him or her that are still good. This is the stage which most people become confused and you will start to know things about your partner. The best skill that you can use in this stage is knowing how to communicate with your partner and solve various problems.

 

The final stage is the commitment stage. This is stage where the partners transform and start to real love. This is the stage that they know each other’s weaknesses and they learn to deal with them. In this stage the partners do not need each other but have chosen one another. In this stage you are more of a team and partners than you are in relationship. Commitment is the key factor in any relationship and in this stage, you start to make your relationship loud. With these few stages you can be able to check which stage you skipped.   

Maintaining Your Casual Relationships

People often meet in the weirdest places on earth and end up being so close and having this tight bond thus forming a relationship, right? Say two people bump into each other on the streets and they become tight friends or they meet up in school and grow fond of each other and a relationship is born. Of course, we have different types of relationships and each one of them needs effortless attributes to make it stronger that is if you want them to last. Take an example of the friendship type of relationship. 

 

I must say it’s really not that easy to find a genuine friend and if one does, well that is a treasure with no sort of measure.  Friendship is an interpersonal sort of relationship where one wants what’s best for the other. Care, trust, loyalty, honesty and love are often reciprocated since it is a two-way thing. Personal chemistry that develops between you two and feeling comfortable with each other, understanding each other, being there for each other, a feeling of trust that really grows randomly, sharing of common goals and interests, you realize you have a lot to learn from each other and the fact that you can complete each other’s sentences are very good signs of a great friendship.

 

We have a large category of friendships and you might check it out to see where you lie. An acquaintance who is almost similar to a buddy; this is someone who is a friend whom you have no emotional attachment with, simply one you enjoy eating out with or having a little chat with, like a coworker. A best friend or a best friend forever (BFF); now this is a very close friend whom you have strong emotional ties with which tend to really last. 

 

Casual relationships or friends with benefits; this is more of a sexual or emotional relationship where two people don’t expect to have a formal relationship. A comrade is a term commonly used in the battle fields by the soldiers or in the military force. Then we have frenemy, this kind of relationship stands out more as enmity in that both friends pretend to be friends but in real sense, they are enemies mostly known as a proverbial wolf in a sheep’s clothing in the world of friendships you know the sort of friendships where one competes with the other or says and does nasty things behind their back. 

Different Kinds of Relationships We Deal With

This is a word commonly uttered by human beings. Some are afraid of it; some loathe it and some just cannot stop talking about it. Love is a type of a relationship and it is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. It has a strong ability to change us in ways we never thought was possible. It can be family platonic or romantic love. 

 

Family love is that attachment among family members that bond present between parents and their children or between siblings or even among the extended family members, you know how we commonly say there is nothing like a mother’s love, or the joy of a father’s care and the sharing of a meal with your siblings? .The members always look out for each other and constantly worry about each other. No matter how many times they fight because that is something that never lacks in a family, they will still love each other at the end of the day. Do you know that family members are amongst the few people who will genuinely worry about you? Family love plays a really big role in our lives and it is considered as the society’s building block.

 

Platonic is the non-sexual love between friends, the kind of love where you care about your friend, help them out when in need and always wanting what’s best for them. Then we have the romantic love and, in this case, it is a relationship between two couples who are totally emotionally attached or physically attracted to each other. Lust is a love element that defines the quest for romantic love in most people and once it’s gone most people prefer being friends to lovers. Love relationships are not always easy and they too require a lot of effort from both sides since it is a way two thing too. 

 

A lot of people who end up enduring breakups tend to always blame themselves or their partners for their heart breaks and from time to time the victims take stupid measures in the name of revenge, here is a little you can do to ensure all goes well. Always remember to appreciate your spouse from time to time, learn to express your anger in a loving manner, be honest, faithful, be supportive, learn the art of communication and say the three special words often. This way both of you will have a lasting relationship. Love does not always last; at one time it has to fade off or end but it does not necessary mean it was not love. 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Successful

Relationships are not always sparkling, there comes a time when the fire in the relationship stops burning; this could lead to the end of a relationship. There are those things which are termed as quirky characteristics which may get to your nerves very fast. Many relationships get into peril when reality starts to show itself and that is when you start to know the good and the bad qualities of your better half. However, you should not be scared because to every problem there is a solution. There are various steps which will help you to get your relationship back or keep your relationship interesting before it reaches this deadly stage. 

 

If you follow these five steps then you can be assured of a strong relationship and also an interesting one. The first thing that you should do is to always remind yourself of the thing that made you to fall in love with your partner. There are those times when falling in love is very easy, the only thing that you need to do is to just remind yourself. How do you do this? You can remind yourself of how you felt the first time you met your partner or any special times that you both have shared. Think also of the hard times in your life. Think of how your partner supported you in those hard times. Reminding yourself of the past will help you greatly in putting a spark in your relationship. However, if your memories are full of bad images then the best you can do is to end the relationship. 

 

The second thing that you should do is to find a date night during the week. After being in a relationship for some time, it is very easy for you to go back to your way of life without sparing some time for your partner. Having quality time for you and your partner is very important because it is the only way that you remind yourself of what is really important in your life. 

 

The third step is telling your partner on daily basis why you love them. You should be ready to complete your partner on daily basis. This will not only make them feel good and closer to you but it will also be a routine. This will motivate the flow of love. 

 

The fourth step is to be active. You can do this by playing games with one another. This will bring out deep feelings of love and joy. The fifth step is to get physical. Having a physical contact with your partner will definitely give a spark in your relationship.

You Are Worth It!

Do you sometimes feel like you are a work in progress?  Do you feel the drive to keep improving yourself and then find yourself in a spiral of despair because you just never feel like you measure up? For many people, this is their reality. Research has shown that this may be one of the most common causes of weight gain and emotional eating disorders.  

 

All of us need to find freedom from the cycle that we are imperfect. While we all have room to grow and develop; the most freeing of all realities about ourselves that we need to absorb and accept is that we are a unique and beautiful human being. There is no one quite like us on this earth and there never will be. Once we accept this for ourselves, we can then look for ways to make the good in us better. Without this perspective, we will constantly strive to find some self-acceptance and won’t move much beyond this point in our life. 

 

An old African proverb reminds us that if we don’t have any enemies inside us, then no external enemies can cause us harm or hurt. Have you noticed when things are going well on the inside and you are feeling secure and happy with life, things that go wrong in your life don’t seem to be so bad, but when you are feeling bad about yourself, things are so different? The world seems to take on a much darker feeling and it’s more difficult to cope when things are not going right? 

 

Learning to love yourself and to appreciate the uniqueness you are is often the first stage of learning how to control your weight, feel confident in studying or changing careers, or learning a new hobby. Many of the things we procrastinate over that are for our own benefit and enrichment are often the things we don’t do, because perhaps deep inside we don’t think we are good enough or worthy enough to do these things for ourselves.  

 

Challenge those thoughts and starting tomorrow - Choose one thing you want to do for you. Because guess what, you are worth it! Most people have to battle the self-talk and rarely say anything nice about themselves. Try looking in the mirror when you wake up and tell your reflection what you would tell your best friend... You are worth it!

The Importance of Conflict Resolution that Validates the Other Person’s Perspective

Most people approach differences of opinions with other people attempting to defend their point of view. Our intention may be to defend our personal position, but most people view our defensive stance as attacking their viewpoint. It can create confrontation and easily leads to interpersonal issues with the other person. This approach to conflict resolution creates many avoidable arguments in the work place and home. 

 

So how can we present our point of view without creating this reaction in people? The key is to learn to see the situation from the other’s point of view and address it from within their viewpoint as well as from our own. We can still express our thoughts and feelings about a situation using this approach, but it usually produces a very different outcome.  

 

This technique is an excellent way to approach all communication, whether with family, friends, work colleagues or strangers. We learn to express our thoughts, concerns and ideas and even disagree with others, but acknowledge verbally and through our body language, that the other person has the right to their opinions and thoughts about the issue causing the disagreement. 

 

This approach maintains a relationship between two people that acknowledges that no one position is more valid than another’s views, perspectives or thoughts. This does not mean that both ideas are equally valid, but conveys the understanding that the other person has a right to the thoughts or opinions about the situation causing the disagreement. This approach values the relationship and validates the person, whilst not necessarily validating the problem or the suggested solution. 

 

There is an old saying that states, “you will never know another person until you first walk in their shoes.” Trying to approach and diffuse a situation from their perspective enables us to walk in their shoes in the situation. It changes the “I want” statements, which presents the issue from our perspective to the “I know you feel this way and can understand why you do, but may I present another idea or show you why that idea is not the best one.”

 

As we learn and apply this technique in our lives, it becomes obvious we have gained insight into an extremely important life lesson that validates and maintains relationships, even if we don’t agree with the other person. It helps us to approach potential conflict situations in a non-confrontational way that promotes discussion and resolution.