Breaking Chains: Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can drive you to your breaking point. These may be difficult to get out of, and you may not even realize things are bad until you’re in deep. Today we’ll look at healthy versus toxic relationships and how to break those chains.

 

Identifying a Toxic Relationship

 

The first step in breaking free from your chains is identifying when the chains are there. All relationships go through bad times. The difference is that toxic relationships seem to be perpetually stuck in a dark place. This is true for any type of relationship, not just romantic.

 

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

• Respect
• Trust
• Good communication
• Mutual commitment
• Kindness
• Fun
• Comfort
• Support of each other’s goals
• Partnership in decisions

On the other hand, signs of a toxic relationship include:

• Disrespect
• Lack of trust
• Dishonesty
• Poor communication
• Major difference in goals
• Lack of support
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Excessive control
• Disregard of each other’s needs and wants

Maintaining Safety

 

Depending on the level of toxicity, breaking the relationship off could have safety concerns. This mainly refers to partners in romantic relationships but not always. In these cases, it could be a good idea to consult with local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline before taking any action. To reach the hotline, you can either call 800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. More information is available on their website.

 

Keys to Success

 

There are a few main components that ensure success when breaking off a toxic relationship. They include:

• Support System: Keep your loved ones in the loop about what’s going on with you. Let them know why you’re leaving the relationship and seek assistance from them if needed. Community support groups are also available if you need to talk with people who are going through the same thing.

• Independence: Learn how to take care of yourself and complete daily tasks. This includes managing your basic needs, finances, recreation, and other errands.

• Professional Assistance: Again, law enforcement and other measures may be necessary to maintain physical safety. From a mental health standpoint, you may also want to seek professional counseling before and after ending the relationship.

• Cutting Ties: One of the worst things you can do when leaving a toxic relationship is leaving the door open for the other person to come back into your life. It will be difficult to step away but it’s necessary for long-term healing. Once you no longer share material possessions and communication is not essential, delete their contact information and take them off your social media. Do not indulge in conversations about them with friends, family, or mutual connections.

• Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you physical, mental, and emotional comfort and peace. Take care of your basic needs, live a healthy lifestyle, and participate in relaxing and recreational activities.

 

What To Say

 

What you say and how you say it during a breakup is critical to your success in walking away. Here are a few tips for breaking the chain of a toxic relationship:

• Maintain a strong and assertive but non-aggressive tone of voice.
• Use strong body language, including a tall stance, relaxed shoulders, and good eye contact.
• Use “I” statements and accept that the other person may not take responsibility for their actions.
• Use definitive language. For example, don’t say “I need a break”. Instead, say “I’m leaving you and I don’t want you in my life anymore”.

 

Healing From Toxic Relationships

 

It’s best to take a holistic approach to healing from a toxic relationship. This means focusing on every aspect of your wellbeing, not just your emotional health. Some of these aspects include:

• Physical: This involves factors such as diet, sleep, exercise, and personal hygiene.
• Mental: This involves using coping skills and/or professional help to deal with unwanted thoughts and emotions.
• Social: This involves your social connections such as family, friends, work, hobbies, and other social obligations.

 

Source Links

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202206/how-recover-toxic-relationship

 

https://www.thehotline.org/

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-marriage-4091900

 

https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/ten-signs-of-a-healthy-relationship

 

Embracing Change: Letting Go To Welcome The New

We all have something we want to let go of, whether it be a harmful habit, physical item, or toxic viewpoint that keeps us tethered to where we are. However, despite wanting to let go, the reality is that embracing change can be hard to do. 

 

Oftentimes, the struggle to let go and embrace change has to do with not having control over the future - and that can be a really powerful fear. But the reality is that while we can make choices based on the best information we have at the time, life is always going to be in a state of flux. 

 

Whether the change is good or sad, practicing the art of letting go can help you to become more flexible and adaptable. It can also help us move forward if we’re still living in the past. Here’s some helpful information that can do just that. 

 

Why Do We Struggle With Change? 

 

Before we dive into all the ways you can start letting go, let’s first analyze why we’re so resistant to change in the first place. 

 

According to Katherine Cullen MFA, LCSW, in her article titled Why Is Change So Hard? published in Psychology Today, “We often find ourselves resisting change, perhaps because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it.” 

 

In her article, she refers to examples such as a chain smoker looking to quit the habit. First, is the acknowledgment of the act. in this case, the smoker realizes that they’re going through a lot of cigarettes per day. While this isn’t enough to prompt immediate action, it gets the gears turning. 

 

The next phase is contemplation, which is when the individual considers the pros and cons of letting go. In the case of a chain smoker, this could be comparing the benefits of quitting such as renewed lung tissue and lowering the risk of developing lung cancer, as well as the cons such as not knowing another way to relieve stress and being fearful of not having any other method of self-soothing. 

 

After weighing the pros and cons, most people will then make a detailed plan - i.e. choose a day to quit smoking and buy a yoga mat for stress relief or hard candy to suck on when they have a craving. Then, they go through with it. Getting to this point of action is hard, but maintaining the lifestyle is even harder because everything is outside of the person’s comfort zone. 

 

For a chain smoker, a watermelon-flavored hard candy is hardly going to be an adequate substitute for something they enjoy. And since lifestyle changes aren’t a linear process, any setbacks could lead to self-judgment and frustration, making embracing the new change all the more difficult. 

 

This cycle is why we’re so resistant to change. We’re often fearful of what lies on the other side of change. Though change isn’t always bad, it’s the what-ifs that we focus on. While the chain smoker giving up cigarettes is just one example, another might be an adult child having difficulty discarding their deceased mother’s clothing. 

 

While they may not necessarily need them, they’re scared of getting rid of them for the risk that they will one day change their mind, or that they will somehow be disappointing their loved ones. Fears like this lead to prolonged (and unnecessary) suffering. 

 

Parents with grown children may also suffer through the struggle to let go of their child’s bedroom or childhood effects, which can make it hard to embrace their child’s adulthood and the new dynamic shared between them. 

 

At the end of the day, the fear of letting go and embracing change often comes down to not knowing what to expect and the risk of having regrets about the decision to change later on, especially if it doesn’t pan out the way we want. 

 

Tips for Letting Go and Embracing Change

 

Letting go can be hard as is, let alone when we’re also forced to embrace the unwanted change that comes with it. 

 

As in the example above, letting go of a loved one’s clothes or personal items has nothing to do with the love of the tangible items, but rather the fear that they’re going to forget their loved ones if they don’t have a physical memory attached to them. 

 

Regardless of what you’re struggling to let go of, here are some tips that can help you welcome change, even if it’s going to be a little difficult. 

 

Declutter

 

Like the example mentioned earlier, holding onto items for the fear that you’ll regret getting rid of them isn’t a good enough reason to keep them around. Clutter can lead to stress, anxiety, and in many cases, depression. 

 

Holding onto items that no longer serve you, even if they’re simply no longer your style, can keep you in the past and chain you there. If you’re interested in letting go, start small. Grab a trash bag and find 10 items you can throw away, like receipts, chipped mugs, or socks that have holes in them. With enough practice, you can work your way up from items that are damaged to those that have a mental chokehold on you. 

 

This is especially true if you’re holding onto clutter for sentimental reasons. While it’s okay to keep a few things, dedicating your home to people or lifestyles from the past can keep you tethered to a painful time in your life. Learning to let go can help you accept what happened and embrace your new life moving forward. 

 

Don’t Dismiss Your Fears

 

One way you can embrace change is by acknowledging that you don’t want to let certain things go, whether it’s a tangible item or not. 

 

The more you try to dismiss your feelings, and by proxy, your fears, the more likely they are to stay with you and affect your decisions. If you want to truly embrace change, then acknowledge that getting rid of your mother’s items, or your child’s baby clothes (for example) is hard. 

 

Then, go ahead and acknowledge your fears about getting rid of them. For example, getting rid of baby clothes could signify that the time of your life is over, and you’re scared of what comes next. 

 

Oftentimes, the difficulty of letting go is because we’re fearful of feeling sad, being alone, moving on, or feeling vulnerable. However, these are feelings shared among society. When you bring these fears to the surface, they not only no longer seem so scary, but you can now identify solutions. 

 

With the right support system, you can embrace your fears and still let go, knowing that it’s going to suck…and that’s okay. 

 

Listen to Your Inner Voice

 

At the end of the day, you’ll know when it’s time to get rid of something, or someone, or move on. These feelings are usually subtle; one day you just don’t feel the same way about it anymore. However, when you have that inkling, take notice. 

 

Your inner voice doubles as your voice of reason. Though you may be quick to ignore it or do the opposite, trust that when that little voice pops up telling you it’s time to let go, it’s because deep down, it’s what you know is best for you. 

 

Letting go and embracing change is all about the fear of not knowing what lies around the corner. You can make this change easier by trusting your gut and realizing that yes, change can be scary, but so can staying miserable where you are. 

 

Why Do We Suffer from Burnout?

Burnout is a state caused by high levels of chronic stress. It results in a total breakdown emotionally, physically, or mentally. What used to be a term for a broad set of conditions is now an official medical diagnosis. That's important because until it was given official recognition, people just believed they had to ride out whatever they were experiencing. Here's an example.

 

You approach your boss and tell him you've had enough. You can't work another minute. The environment, your coworkers, or some other situation has you on the verge of a mental or physical breakdown. Before a doctor could diagnose you as suffering from burnout, your boss might have told you to "tough it out."

 

In many cases, this is what we tell ourselves. While we recognize that our situation is beyond difficult in some way, we feel like we should be able to push through. That is definitely not the best course of action if you have a case of burnout working against you.

 

Look out for These Common Causes of Burnout

 

A person will suffer from burnout because they have been pushed past their emotional, physical, or mental breaking point. It's not just a case of someone working many long hours and being physically tired. 

 

It usually happens because a person is not in control of the situation they are forced to endure.

 

They have to put up with emotional, physical, or mental stress. There is no letting up. They feel they have no control over the process. A workload on the job or at home looks like it's insurmountable. Personal responsibilities that must be met continue to build until they create a perceived disaster situation.

 

A person feels they don't have the tools, resources, or personal abilities to handle their life or job satisfactorily. All of these situations can be caused by the following factors.

• Monotonous, challenging workloads that seem to grow quicker than progress

• Having a continual lack of control, either at work or in personal life

• Seeing little to no rewards for a person's time and effort

• Feeling a lack of support and community

• The perception that a person is the only one that has to go through harsh or difficult times

• Toxic environments that threaten a person's values, and possibly physical or mental health

While most burnout is job-related, you can see that these common causes of a breakdown can happen at home, in a person's social life, and at work. Avoid them whenever possible. If you suspect that you or someone you care about is a prime burnout candidate, talk to a counselor or mental health professional. As with any other health problem, prevention is always the best medicine.

 

Who Gets Burnout? Are You at Risk?

You may not be suffering from any chronic stress right now. You experience stress but assume it's at the same level as most people, and you handle it easily. What you need to ask yourself is this.

 

Are the problems in your life putting you at risk of going from a normal stress level to full-blown burnout?

 

Burnout and stress are related. Chronic stress, always having to deal with stressful situations and problems, can lead to burnout. On the other hand, regular doses of stress are actually good for you.

 

It's a way your body protects you. The stress response is tied to your fight-or-flight instinct. All your senses become fully aware if you must battle a threat or run in the opposite direction very quickly.

 

Burnout results from experiencing that situation constantly. Your mind, body, and/or emotions are relentlessly being hammered to the point that they give up. 

 

They simply can't take anymore. Even the strongest-willed person can suffer seriously from an endless barrage of stress to the point that some part of you shuts down.

 

Am I a Candidate for Burnout?

 

First, you need to ask yourself if you love your job. If you do, you likely don't have an issue. When you wake each morning and can't wait to get to work, your stress isn't unbearable. It's a sign that no chronic stress awaits you to clock in and get to work.

 

What do you do most of the time if you don't work? Does that cause you a lot of stress? Again, if stress isn't a constant companion, you probably don't have to worry.

 

Burnout comes from a consistent and relentless delivery of stress. 

 

Whether it's on the job, at home, or anywhere else, it's stress that you can't escape. It's right in your face and gets you to the point where you feel like you will explode.

 

Some jobs are more stressful than others. Yahoo Finance reports that the following occupations are more likely to lead to burnout than others.

 

·      Retail

·      Surgeon

·      Fast food worker

·      Social worker

·      Air traffic controller

·      Construction worker

·      Teacher

·      Nurse

·      Certified public accountant

·      Firefighter

·      Emergency medical technician

 

If you don't work any of those jobs, that doesn't mean you're immune to burnout. Frequently experiencing stress is never a good thing. Consult a mental health professional if you feel stress is too big of a part of your life.

 

How to Calm Your Racing Mind, Stop Stressing and Enjoy Life

That inner chatter never seems to stop. Speaking of your inner voice, why is it so negative most of the time? And when is stress going to take some time off? There isn't an area of your life where stress isn't a common companion. When will you ever be able to actually enjoy your life?

 

If you've had these thoughts, you definitely aren't alone. Modern-day life is crazy busy. There are digital distractions everywhere, and we voluntarily ask for more every time we pick up our phones. Between our jobs, family commitments, friends, and other constant influences in our lives, it seems we never have any time to call our own.

 

Good for you if you want to slow your life down from its usual warp speed. Unlike many people, you realize that modern life's constant go, go, go isn't necessarily beneficial. Here are a few ways to reduce the time urgency in your life so you enjoy more control, less stress, and more free time to do important things.

 

Plan for Pauses

 

When things are getting hectic, stop. Please don't make a quick decision before pausing to think about it. It would help if you also planned several pauses throughout your day.

 

These don't have to be long periods. The busiest schedules allow several 5 or 10-minute breaks so you can slow down, de-stress, and calm your mind.

 

Shhh!

 

We're referring to the need for a stress-free, quiet space so you can slow down your racing mind and enjoy some downtime.

 

Noise, chatter, music, and audible input from multiple sources can overpower your mind. It jacks up your stress system and can even harm your body. Locate a quiet and calm space with few distractions to spend time during the day. 

 

Visualize a Different Reality

 

If you can't physically remove yourself from a busy, fast-paced environment, take a mental trip instead. Close your eyes and clear your mind. Visualize a place you find peaceful and calming. Go there in your mind. Immerse yourself in this imaginary experience to quiet the modern world's distractions, noise, and constant demands.

 

Slowing down is not just about physical speed. It also involves your senses. Give your senses a rest occasionally and slow the flow of modern-day life. This gives you more time to de-stress and enjoy life rather than feeling like it's something you have to endure.

 

8 Ways To Prime Your Brain For Success

Our brains are essential for the quality of physical and mental performance. Smoking, excess alcohol, stress, or poor dietary habits, to name a few, can have a significant detrimental impact on our brain functionality. These habits also contribute to high blood pressure, cognitive decline, and dementia.

 

Fortunately, habits can be changed, and new strategies can be learned. The following tips can help to improve your brain and prime it for success.

 

Try the Mediterranean Diet (MeDi)

High-quality foods are essential for your brain health and physical fitness. The Mediterranean diet focuses on plant-based foods such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, beans, fish, whole grains, and healthy oils like olive and avocado oils. 

 

Based on a study of 502,536 participants, people who followed the principles of the MeDi had a 23% less chance of developing dementia. Also, research has found that the MeDi may improve your cognitive capabilities, such as memory.

 

Reduce Stress with Mindfulness Relaxation

Chronic stress can have a significant harmful effect on brain function. Yale Medicine defines chronic stress as “A consistent sense of feeling pressured and overwhelmed over a long period of time.” In today’s hectic world, there are many causes of chronic stress, such as life changes, an unpleasant career, or family dysfunction. When stressed, the brain increases glucocorticoid production, including the stress hormone cortisol. 

 

Mindfulness is a form of meditation that helps you focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past or situations causing you to worry. Other key concepts include paying attention to your surroundings, accepting yourself, and focusing on your breathing.

 

Be Physically Active

The Center for Creative Leadership asked over 1,500 executives how exercise impacts their performance. Approximately 90% said that physical activity “clearly impacts” their performance, 12% reported “some impact,” and no one reported zero impact.
Respondents reported that regular exercise improved mental clarity and focus, increased alertness, and improved problem-solving.

 

In addition to improving your brain, exercise has physical benefits such as lowering blood pressure and cholesterol, reducing anxiety, improving sleep, and strengthening your immune system.

 

Stay Mentally Active

 

The human brain must be exercised like a muscle; if your brain doesn’t get sufficient exercise, the result can be early cognitive decline. There are many activities that you can do to give your brain a workout, such as reading, learning a new language, playing games, or working on a jigsaw puzzle.

 

Sleep Well

The importance of sleep and its effect on your brain should not be underestimated. When you sleep deeply, the brain repairs itself and rejuvenates your immune system. When in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, the brain compiles details you learned during the prior day.

 

Inadequate sleep contributes to feeling exhausted, can cause concentration, mood, and memory disorders, and suppress your immune system.

 

If you cannot go to sleep or stay asleep, create a bedtime routine by going to bed at the same time nightly and waking up at the same time in the morning. Over time, this will help set your internal clock and become a regular sleep pattern. Also:

 

• Turn off your electronics at least two hours prior to bedtime. This includes cell phones, computers, and social media.
• Eliminate caffeine after 12:00 p.m. The most common sources of caffeine are coffee, tea, soda, and chocolate.
• Avoid eating before bedtime to prevent gastrointestinal issues that may keep you awake.

 

Avoid Smoking

While you may feel that cigarettes or cigars help to calm you and are pleasurable, there are risks to brain functionality. A study by the American Heart Association (AHA) found that smoking is associated with cognitive decline, leading to worsening performance. 

 

Be Socially Active

Social interaction can help to reduce stress and depression, preventing memory loss. Look for ways to interact with others, especially if you live alone. Brain atrophy has been linked to a lack of socialization. Being socially active can strengthen your brain health. 

 

Find Inspiration

The things we tend to take for granted can be inspirational and good for brain health. For example, Psych Central notes that watching the sunrise gives you a feeling of awe, bolsters your mood, and helps you to have a “big picture” mentality where we view situations broadly rather than focusing on limited details. It opens your mind to evaluating scenarios entirely rather than breaking them into detailed parts. 

 

People may also find inspiration from art, visiting a park, or watching the sunset.

 

Conclusion

 

A healthy brain keeps our sensory, cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and motor functions working smoothly. It is essential to develop good habits such as eating properly, being physically, mentally, and socially active, and getting sufficient sleep.

 

Practicing the preceding tips can boost brain health, priming your mind for success and well-being!

 

References

https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-023-02772-3

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5502874/

https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/stress-disorder

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356

https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/spotlight-on-exercise-and-leadership/

https://brainfoundation.org.au/healthy-brain/

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/str.53.suppl_1.WP17

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/addressing-your-mental-health-by-identifying-the-signs-of-anxiety-and-depression

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/maintaining-healthy-relationships-is-important-as-we-age