Why Didn't They Tell Us Happiness Is a Choice?

A few lessons time teaches us are difficult to accept. The biggest is probably that the most important, wonderful, and influential people in our lives will sometimes be taken away from us. Older folks will tell you that you never get over the pain of losing a loved one. You try to focus on all that person's great memories and good qualities.

 

In other words, you choose to focus on good things rather than obsess over not having that person in your life anymore. You make a choice. Instead of reacting, you take a proactive approach. You act on the memory of that person positively rather than negatively.

 

Another Choice You Can Make in Life Is to Be Happy or to Be Sad Most of the Time

 

The earlier in life you can figure this out, the better. This knowledge doesn't come to everyone. You may know someone who doesn't realize that happiness is a choice. Some people live their entire lives embracing negativity and believing that the world is out to get them.

 

Let's imagine for a second that you are that type of person. 

 

Nothing good ever happens to you. If it does, it's by pure chance. Life will certainly return to its old routine of knocking you down and kicking you while you're there. Every person, thing, and experience you encounter will undoubtedly cause stress, strife, sadness, and other negative emotions.

 

Living life as this poor soul, one day, your company decides to part ways with you. You're fired. It's not that you were a particularly terrible employee. It's just that the company is downsizing, and you've got to go. This doesn't surprise you, of course. The passage of time has taught you repeatedly that you are the whipping boy of the universe.

 

Now Imagine for a Moment That, for the First Time in Your Life, You Realize You Have a Choice

 

You can view this as just another of the many mistreatments life has dealt you. Or you can look at this as a wonderful opportunity. Now you've got time to start that project you've always dreamed about. You see the silver lining in the cloud rather than just another rainy day.

 

We all have choices. Every day we're given the ability to steer our life in any direction we desire. We can accept that life is tough and there's not much sense in making an effort. Or we can now decide to take action and start doing the things that give us meaning and purpose. Don't live most of your life and discover that you can choose to be or feel anything you want. That's your choice right now. Embrace that idea and start living your best life today.

 

Forgiveness As Liberation: The Art Of Letting Go Of Resentment

Everyone has experienced conflict and hurt from other’s words or conduct. Suppose a co-worker got credit for your work, or you were bullied as a child. Incidents such as these leave you feeling resentful, bitter, and angry long-term if not resolved. Unresolved resentment can have a significant impact on your health.

 

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic, Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic resentment can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and immune response, raising the risk of heart disease, depression, and other conditions.

 

On a positive note, forgiveness helps to calm your stress level, resulting in better physical and mental health.

 

Why Do We Feel Resentment?

 

When someone hurts us, we may feel a range of negative emotions such as sadness, hostility, or even hatred. When we don’t let go and forgive, we are consumed with those pessimistic feelings, affecting our self-esteem and well-being. If you are suffering from chronic resentment, you can learn to be forgiving; forgiving is a choice.

 

What is Forgiveness?

 

Psychologists commonly define forgiveness as “A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” 

 

Bear in mind that you can forgive without denying or forgetting the wrongdoing against you. You are not required to mend a bad relationship or release others from legal liability. 

 

How to Forgive

 

Choose Forgiveness

 

First, you need to decide whether you choose to forgive. While you don't have to forgive, it is to your benefit to do so. Research by the Annals of Behavioral Medicine shows that increased forgiveness decreases perceived stress and improves mental and physical health.

 

Leverage the Power of Positive Thinking

The effect of negative thinking and feelings is unhappiness. In order to heal, be consciously aware when you’re burdened with pessimistic thoughts. Use positive self-talk to replace the distressing thoughts. For example, you may want to retaliate against the person who hurt you. Remind yourself that you will be fair with that person and that you will not mirror their harmful actions.

 

Change Your Perspective

Think about the other person to understand their actions better. Was the person hurt by others or mistreated? Is the person going through a difficult time? That person may be in pain, struggling with chronic resentment, affecting their behavior with others. Look at the person with a compassionate perspective to gain insight. You don’t need to excuse the person, but you can forgive and move forward.

 

Acknowledge and Accept Your Pain

Recognize the hurt you’re feeling; don’t avoid it. Explore the emotions you’re experiencing and accept the pain. Psychology Today reports “Pain is actually a necessary part of happiness, and research shows that it can lead to pleasure in several ways.” For example, pain helps you recognize happiness; otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize it as happiness. Also, relief from pain is pleasurable and increases your happiness.

 

Conclusion

When someone hurts us, we may have a difficult time letting go of the feelings of resentment. Chronic resentment harms our well-being in many ways. On the other hand, forgiveness frees us from negative emotions, calms our stress levels, and brings us peace of mind. While we don’t have to deny or forget the offense against us, letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness is liberating and necessary for optimal wellness.

"I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself." - T.D. Jakes

 

References

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

 

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#what-is-forgiveness

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5055412/

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201511/5-reasons-you-have-accept-pain-if-you-want-be-happy#:~:text=But%20pain%20is%20actually%20a,t%20recognize%20it%20as%20happiness