5 Steps to Effectively Communicate Your Feelings in Relationships

In relationships, there’s communication, and then there’s effective communication. Communication is something that takes a lot of work, and once you’ve successfully positioned yourself as a communicator, the next step is to crack the code at being an effective communicator. If you’re at that step, try these 5 mini steps to help you along with effectively communicating your feelings. 

 

1. Allow Yourself to Feel 

 

Going into a conversation with guilt or apprehension about your feelings? That won’t help you or your partner. You’re completely allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, and you’re also allowed to talk about those feelings. 

 

2. Label your Feelings

 

You’re experiencing these feelings, but are you reading more into them? Are you labeling them and trying to put into context the essence of your emotions? It’s not easy to do, but it’s a really important exercise for you to do on your own before opening up and sharing with someone else. 

 

3. Start with Yourself

 

If you’re extroverted or you like talking about your feelings a lot, your first inclination may be to talk it out with your significant other. That’s a great thing to do, but it begins with you. You’ll have a hard time processing everything if you’re influenced by someone else’s insight or advice. Start with yourself, and then work your way up to a discussion with your partner. 

 

4. Remember How Much You Matter

 

You matter to your significant other; your feelings matter to your significant other.  Keep this in mind and try to negate the potential fear or hesitation you may be experiencing. Swap those feelings for feelings of confidence and security in the strength of your relationship. 

 

5. Swap “You” for “I”

 

Whenever you get close to saying “You made me feel” or “You did this,” swap it for a personal statement. A conversation is helpful for you to share your perspective – not for you to point fingers at your loved one. Think about how you feel, why you feel that way, and what has happened to contribute to those feelings. 

 

Above all, when you’re entering into a conversation with your significant other, be happy that you’re taking this step. It’s excellent for you and even better for your relationship. Give yourself (and your partner) a pat on the back for working through something difficult, and keep yourself reminded of the light at the end of the communication tunnel – a happy, healthy dynamic between you and your partner. 

 

6 Reasons Unwavering Belief In Yourself Improves Your Relationships

You probably already know how having an unwavering belief in yourself improves your work life or even helps you be more confident in your everyday life. But were you aware of just how much having this kind of self-belief improves your relationships with others?

 

Think about these things:

 

You’ll be More Genuine

 

When we're unsure of ourselves, it's easy to adopt a persona, especially when around people we're hoping to impress. But how do others around you like the 'fake' you? Sooner or later, the reality always comes out, and when it does, your partner will feel betrayed. Even in non-romantic relationships, trying to be something you're not is a sure recipe for disaster.

 

You’ll Contribute More to the Relationship

 

When you’re unsure of yourself, you tend to let the other person make all the decisions or carry the weight of maintaining the relationship. 

 

While some people don’t mind taking the lead, this does lead to an unbalanced relationship which can even turn into codependency if you’re not careful. The question is, do you want a caregiver or a partner?

 

Confidence is Sexy

 

Ask anyone what they notice first about a person, and the answer which comes up more often than any other is, "Confidence." When you see someone who knows who they are, are comfortable in their own skin, and seem to have a clear view of where they're going, you’re just drawn to them naturally.

 

There’s Less Baggage

 

People who believe in themselves don't need to carry the opinion of others around with them anymore. For example, if your ex put you down, you don't care because you know you're worth more than this. More importantly, confidence frees you up to fully enter into new relationships with others without those old expectations or negative emotions to trip you up.

 

You’ll Argue Less

 

If you get into a disagreement with your friend or lover, you'll be less apt to take things personally and more willing to work through the problem. An important bonus? You won't be so caught up in the other person's opinion of you to where you put up with abuse or leave the argument crushed and broken. People with unwavering self-belief know when to walk away from the fight altogether.

 

You Will Be Respected

 

Finally, when you have a strong sense of self-confidence, you have a strong feeling of self-respect, which goes along with it. When others see you treat yourself as worthy of this respect, they are more likely to treat you with respect as well.

 

As a side note, relationships of every variety always work out best if you have a strong feeling of self-worth. The rest of the world already knows confident people are people worth knowing. Now, so are you.

How Can I Be More Supportive In My Relationships?

Do you feel like you aren’t supportive enough of your friends? Or maybe of your significant other? Being supportive in any sort of relationship is an important part of maintaining that relationship. This is especially true in a romantic relationship. Below are a few ways you can work on being more supportive in your relationships to ensure you keep them healthy and strong.

 

Check-In Frequently

 

Everyone has that one friend they haven’t heard from in a while. But the phone and internet work two ways. Don’t be afraid to message or call your friends to check-in. After all, they may be in dire need of support and may just have been too busy to reach out to you. You never know until you check. And even if you live with your significant other, it’s important to ask how their day was because they may not volunteer information that is bothering them until you ask. 

 

Just Listen

 

Sometimes, you may reach out to a friend and find that they need to vent about some things going on in their life for a few minutes. And the best way you can help this friend or significant other is just by sitting quietly and listening to their problems. If they want advice or help, you can offer it, but even the most put-together people just need to vent now and then.

 

Help Lower Their Stress

 

Although you may not solve a problem or situation your significant other may be facing, this doesn’t mean you can’t help lower their stress in other areas of their life. For example, if your husband or wife is experiencing a lot of stress at work, maybe take on a few of their household duties so that when they come home in the evening, they can just relax. You can also do something simple but nice for them, such as an offer to draw them a bath or a shoulder massage, anything which will lower their stress if even just for a few minutes. 

 

Conclusion

 

Being supportive in all of your relationships is no easy task. But you can start by checking in with your friends and significant other frequently, listening to them when they need it, and lowering their stress in any way possible. Not only will this improve your relationship with said individual, but it will also keep the relationship strong for years to come. 

 

Keys To Happiness Now (Infographic)

 

How To Set Yourself Up For A Productive Day (Infographic)

 

5 Characteristics of Ambitious People

Many of us wish we knew the secret formula to being ambitious and driven. Why are some people so determined to make it that they work on weekends and holidays, while others are a bit laid back and easy-going?

 

That’s what we’re here today to find out. We asked successful people in several fields, and they all agreed on one thing: no one is born ambitious. Instead, it’s something that takes time, patience, and a lot of hard work.

 

Interested in finding out more? Scroll down for our list of five characteristics of ambitious people.

 

They Avoid Negativity

 

Ambitious people seem to be always in motion. They take whatever stressors their day brings and harness it to create something good, like more ambition.

 

Yet, they’ve trained themselves to be good at staying in balance. They don’t allow their emotions to take over their thoughts and actions.

 

With each bump in the road, they breathe and look at things from a clearer perspective.

They avoid getting sucked into the vortex of negative self-take, self-doubt, and indecision—all of which are the enemies of ambition. These negative emotions keep you from seeing your true potential because you’re afraid you’ll mess up or not measure up.

 

However, your only true competitor is yourself. So, focus on your goals, then strive to be better than you were last week. That’s all anyone expects of you.

 

They Invest in Personal Growth

 

Motivated people know the value of personal growth. They know that there’s a whole world of knowledge out there we still don’t know anything about.

 

So, they never settle. They’re always on the hunt for the next thing to help them improve in all areas of their life.

 

This doesn’t just have to be taking online classes and attending seminars. Many self-improvement techniques are free of charge.

 

One of the ways you can invest in yourself is by getting good, quality sleep every night. It’s also about eating right and working out several times a week.

 

The point is to make yourself a priority. Then, pretty quickly, others will take notice and see you as a priority as well.

 

They Surround themselves with Like-Minded People

 

Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In other words, if you want to be more ambitious, you need to be around people who are doing the same.

 

No, it doesn’t mean that you have to replace your friends. But it does mean you need to have people in your life with the right frame of mind to encourage you to be better and do better.

 

These are usually the ones who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. If there’s a mentor you know or some kind of role model, then make an effort to spend more time with them.

 

Also, try to make friends with successful people in various fields, not just the ones you’re interested in. We’re creatures of habit, so whatever makes them successful will soon rub off on you.

 

They Set Well-Defined Goals

 

It’s not just about the task of setting goals. Anyone can make a list of goals they want to achieve in the next week.

 

What ambitious people have become good at is breaking down their goals into smaller, more manageable tasks that they can actually achieve. Not only that, but they have a certain level of self-confidence that allows them to push through even when they don’t feel like it.

 

Say you’re thinking about starting a professional blog. Avoid the urge to jump right in and try to do everything at once. Instead, give yourself daily targets to hit.

 

Get a large calendar and pencil in one thing you want to get done for the next 30 days. These don’t have to be fancy or anything grand. They just have to motivate you enough to get you to the next day’s target, and so on, until you reach your big goal at the end of the month.

 

They’re not Afraid to Take Risks

 

Everyone is always telling you how rewarding it can be to step outside your comfort zone. Yet, taking risks doesn’t have to be daunting or scary.

 

You don’t have to climb a mountain or go swimming with the sharks or anything like that—unless, of course, that’s where your ambition lies.

 

We’re simply suggesting that in order to be ambitious and motivated, you have to be willing to make mistakes. You have to be okay with taking work-related risks and seeing which ones will pan out and which ones will flop.

 

If they pay off, then great! Take it in, be proud of your accomplishments, then move on to the next big risk.

 

If it doesn’t pay off, then use it as a learning experience. Grow from it, understand what went wrong, then move on to something different.

 

It won’t be easy, but you’ll come out stronger, wiser, and more motivated to do more.

 

Feeling Stuck in Life? Practicing Ways to Get Going Again

There will come a time in life when you may feel that you are no longer living in the moment. You may look at things going on around you and feel hopeless and stuck, like you are on autopilot and things just happen to you, rather than you being the one in the driver's seat any longer. Finding a way to get emotionally unstuck so you can enjoy life once again can be key o helping you get the most out of life. 

 

While many things can cause you to get stuck in life, from a mental health condition to a big trauma that goes on in your life, there are also many steps you can take to help yourself get restarted. Some of the best tips include:

 

Become More Aware

 

One place you can start when you feel like you are stuck in with your awareness. Consider an examination of your unconscious to see what is going on. You may find that there are cognitive distortions or defense mechanisms that are in place that make it hard to be aware of your surroundings. Even your default patterns in relationships could be to blame. Depending on the situation, you may be able to handle this on your own or may need to call in a professional. 

 

Take on Responsibility

 

According to PsychCentral.com, many people find it easier to blame someone else, rather than take responsibility for their actions. You may not want to admit when you have done something wrong, but it can be freeing. Stop for a moment and take an honest inventory of how well you are behaving and what things you may have done wrong. Practice forgiveness, for others and yourself as well. 

 

Detach from Unrealistic Expectations

 

We often find that we have unrealistic expectations in life. Whether you are a perfectionist or not, there are times when your expectations of a person or a situation are not realistic and it can lead to a lot of disappointment. You need to start looking at the situation and deciding if your expectations make sense for it or not, tapering back a bit if you end up adding too much that makes it impossible. 

 

Choose Self-Love

 

It is hard to get going again and enjoy the life you have if you can’t take the time to practice some self-love. The first step to doing this is to make that inner critic go away. When all you hear in your mind are all the ways that you are imperfect and not as good as others, you can feel down and depressed, unmotivated to get much done. Start by showing yourself some compassion and see what a difference it makes. 

 

Ask for Support

 

Sometimes, you need to bring in some support to give you the help you desire. You are a strong and powerful individual, but you can’t do everything on your own. Bring in some support to see how they can help raise you and make you feel better. This support can come from friends and family members, but be open to seeking up from a professional, such as a therapist, who can assist you in looking deep down and working through some of your other issues too. 

 

While it may be normal to get stuck in life sometimes and feel like you are on autopilot all the time, that doesn’t mean you need to stay in that situation forever. Learning how to enjoy life and jump right back in is one of the best ways for you to get going again. 

 

7 Ways to Use Mindfulness to Attack Worry

Just like that, you’re frozen. You don’t know what to do or how to move forward. Your thoughts circle like vultures, waiting for your inevitable demise. It’s only a matter of time.

 

Worry has a way of derailing everything about your day. Using mindfulness, though, is a quick, easy way to get things back on track.

 

Stay in the Moment

 

You begin by taking a step back to examine the worrying thought, starting with the acceptance of the thought itself. This is the heart of mindfulness. Trying to ignore the worry only makes it worse. By giving the thought your attention, and then placing a label on it, you take power away from it. For example, if you’re worried about money, you might start by telling yourself, “Yes, I am worried about paying the bills this month.”

 

Find the Emotions

 

Once you’ve labeled your worries, identify the emotion accompanying it. Once you’ve got this, ask yourself honestly, what do these emotions make you feel like doing?

 

Kill the Worry with Normalcy

 

Instead of avoiding the worry, pay mindful attention to it and remind yourself this worry is normal. Do this every time it comes up. Eventually, it will seem less threatening.

 

Look for Patterns

 

Do these worries creep up at certain times? Using mindfulness means you’re paying attention to your thoughts in the moment. Understanding your triggers is a great way to keep the worrying thought from happening at all, as you’ll find yourself catching those damaging thoughts much faster and will be able to shut them down that much faster.

 

Redirect

 

With mindfulness, you’re very much aware of the worries the moment they begin. This also means you’re capable of taking control of those thoughts and spinning them around onto something else immediately, putting your attention there instead.

 

Allow the Emotion to Play Out

 

Worry comes with a slew of negative emotions. Mindfulness means you’re aware of what you’re feeling right now. If you discover yourself falling into the fears and anxiety coupled with worry, let them play out, watching them as if from a distance, rather than suppress them, allowing them to dissipate naturally rather than escalate.

 

Flip it Around

 

Worried about trying something new? Rather than avoid it, try it anyway. By reacting to worries you know are irrational with action, more often than not, you’ll find you really had nothing to worry about in the first place. A word of caution? Sometimes worry is there for a good reason. Be careful which ones you challenge.

 

Remember, the whole point of mindfulness is to be in the moment and pay very close attention to what’s going on both internally and externally. Worry really doesn’t bear up under such close scrutiny. The act of simply paying attention will change the game significantly.

 

Journal Your Way to Self-Worth

Journaling is a fantastic way to build your self-worth. It’s a well-established practice in therapy and psychology, and it works equally well for children and adults. Journaling can be art or writing or a collage or a combination of whatever feels right for you. 

 

There is a range of prompts to help you get over the fear of the blank page or to help you get over those ‘um, I don’t know’ moments. This article provides a few suggestions, but once you get into the swing of journaling, the ideas will flow!

 

• You can make it easier to break-through the ‘bashful barrier’ if you find it hard to find positive things to say - you can start at the back of the journal and work forward, write in a spiral or turn your book sideways or upside-down. 

 

• Write in your happiest memories and include photos of parties, holidays and loved ones. You can make timelines of the best days in your life that make you feel proud of yourself, like graduation, your first job, your first solo car trip. Work over multiple or fold-out pages, make double-spreads, include photos as well.

 

• You can use affirmations to remind yourself of your positive traits, for example

o   I am kind 

o   I am good at…

o   People really like my…

o   I’m proud I can…

o   I am loved by…

o   I feel good when…

 

• Think of three things your Inner Critic finds fault with and consciously turn them around – write down the positive in your journal. You can use your journal as a way of visualizing your goals – what do you want to achieve, feel or do today, this week, by Christmas? 

 

• You can also make your journal a beautiful object – go to an art store and buy your favorite colors in a range of media – pencils, watercolors, collage papers, stamps. Use glitter, stickers, puff paints – you can go wild and treat your inner child. Your book about you will reflect all the colors within. Or maybe you’d prefer something more minimalist – make your journal a thing of monochrome beauty, use lovely rich Japanese inks, textured papers, graphite. Experiment with pens, pencils, and brushes – see how many different lines you can make. 

 

Make journaling a happy activity. Something that you enjoy working on and reading. And then when you do have times when you’re not feeling so good about yourself, you have a tangible object to look at to defeat your Inner Critic.

Top Tips for Staying Inspired According to Life Coaches

The job of a life coach is relatively unique. It’s a heavy responsibility to act as both guide and guru to help keep your clients on track toward achieving their goals. That’s why it’s so important to stay motivated – especially when your day job is in motivating others on a fairly regular basis.

 

How do life coaches stay inspired? We can each take a page from their book to keep motivated and fulfilled in our lives. 

 

1. Life coaches set firm boundaries. You can't take on your client's lives or problems. Maintaining a professional distance is essential not just for the health of the client, who needs to learn how to succeed on their own, but also for the mental health of those doing the guiding.

 

How can you apply this to your own life? Are there people in your life who expect too much of you? Do you always give in? Learn why boundaries are important and how you can set them in a loving, yet firm way.

 

2. Life coaches remember to put themselves first once in a while. There's a lot to be said for ‘me time.' For someone who lives by inspiration, you must ensure you consistently replenish your energy, and your natural positivity is at the fore. That is crucial for success.

 

What does this mean for you? Take time for a massage or bubble bath. Read things that inspire. Schedule a date with yourself, where you concentrate entirely on you. Repeat as often as necessary to keep your mood positive.

 

3. Find a friend. Going it alone is never easy. Having someone you can turn to is healthy and necessary. Life coaches understand that too much time alone can lead to depression. We all need others to keep us inspired to move ahead.

 

A life coach would tell us we need to take time for close relationships too. Feeling connected and supported naturally leads to staying in a positive mental space, even when times are tough.

 

5. Journal about it. A life coach well knows the value of journaling. A gratitude journal keeps you focused on the positive things that happen each day so you can draw upon those experiences later as you need. 

 

For you, find the magic that lies in writing about the things that go right, that you're thankful about daily. A grateful heart breeds inspiration and keeps you from exploring the negativity just because others are.

 

You don't have to be a life coach to stay confident and inspired. But you can use their tricks to keep positivity high in your own life. Staying inspired isn't all that hard. It's mostly about remaining aware of the world around you and remembering to look for the good first in all things.

 

Top 4 Reasons Why You Should Aspire to Inspire Others

How many people do we come into contact with every day? Think about it. You talk to your co-workers or classmates. You brush up against how many strangers from the clerk in the grocery store to the barista who made you that cup of coffee? We spend time with friends, or we go out and do things with the expectation of meeting new people. It’s probably safe to say that in a week you've probably interacted with, at least on some level, a hundred people, most of which you barely talked to at all.

 

But what if you were capable of taking those interactions deeper, to the level of something special. Unique. What if you could inspire someone else, and indeed make a difference in their lives? 

 

It's a powerful thought. Of course, you can’t change every interaction – it would be impossible to get anything done if you did. But when you stop to think about the value that you bring to the world, the things that you know and understand in ways that no one else does, there comes the point where you have to ask, what if you could share that with someone else?

 

In short, what if you could be inspiring? It’s not as hard as you think. Here are four ways that will hopefully convince you that yes, you should “aspire to inspire.”

 

1. You can help someone realize their potential. Personal growth is a fascinating process. As you get to know people, you get to see them in their highs and lows. It’s where those lows occur where you can find an opportunity. A word of encouragement at the right time might be just what they need to labor on and overcome a challenge. 

 

2. It’s life-changing – for both you and them. Personal growth culminates in those tremendous moments where you might be just the person to inspire someone to change their path entirely or to consider a course of action that they might not have before.

 

3. The world becomes a better place. OK, maybe this seems a little over the top but think about it for a minute. That person you inspired might go on to encourage someone else. Or may build something or do something amazing. Imagine now that all of that started with you. Like ripples in a pond after a rock is thrown into the water, you never know just how far that influence will spread, and what shore those ripples will eventually touch. 

 

4. YOU change. Remember that you're not in it to see what you can get out of it. Inspiring others though has a way of rewarding you both personal fulfillment and growth. In the end, you’re not going to be the same person you were anymore. That kind of satisfaction comes with a unique special kind of happiness.

 

Aspiring to Inspire is a fantastic process. Give it a try – you'll be amazed at where you end up. 

 

Why You Should Choose Inspiration Over Motivation

Inspiration and motivation are not the same things. There is an argument that they are quite the opposite from one another. Inspiration is a strong desire to create, to reach out and make something or do something that never existed before. Motivation is a general willingness or the reason for an action.

 

What’s the difference? It’s all in how we express it. Motivated people charge forward, not letting anyone stop them or interfere with their process. Inspiration, on the other hand, pulls other in your wake and drags them along. With motivation, you grab the vision and run with it. With inspiration, the idea grabs hold of you.

 

Have you ever had an inspiration? You can probably remember every detail, the time it hit, the idea behind it, the way it felt. With motivation, that comes and goes and maybe you remember the project that came from it, but not in the fine detail that inspiration leaves on you.

 

And that is probably the most significant difference. Motivation wears out. Often it runs out long before the project is over. Inspiration can last a lifetime and take you to new horizons you’d never thought of before.

 

Motivation is like the coach that yells about “getting up,” “hitting harder,” “running faster.” It’s the push that we need to get over the initial slump or over that mid-point. Inspiration doesn’t need a push or a press. Inspiration is more like finding a new perspective, a fresh eye where you’ve never known existed.

 

You cannot teach inspiration; it can’t be passed on from one person to another. Inspiration comes indirectly, stealing into our thoughts when we don’t expect it when we’re clear-headed and often concentrating on something else.

 

Motivation is the drive to bring creation to reality, to finish the project, but inspiration is the birth of creativity. Inspiration can be a life-changing event that completely realigns your perspective on a permanent basis. 

 

Motivation is independent of passion. Motivation is often a replacement for passion; inspiration is passion at its most raw. Inspiration is an idea, a vision that takes hold and never let's go. People who are inspired are more likely to succeed, more likely to influence others.

 

Being motivated to a task typically does not motivate another. Being inspired, on the other is contagious. Inspired people catch others in their passion and create inspiration in them. It’s easy to get caught up in a dream and then dream your vision, making inspiration the more valuable of the two.