Should You Keep Your Dreams to Yourself?

In 2010, Derek Sivers participated in a TED Conference. His speech lasted just three minutes and in it, he encouraged people to not share their goals with their friends, family, co-workers, or anyone around them. Derek backed up his reasoning with several scientific studies (listen to his presentation here).

 

In his speech, Derek says, “When you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that’s called a social reality. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling it’s already done. Then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.”

 

Derek goes on to point out how talking about an important life change or goal can make you less likely to succeed. But those aren’t the only reasons you may want to keep your latest ambition a secret from everyone else. Here are three more reasons you should consider keeping mum:

 

Talking about a Goal Destroys Your Stamina

 

How many times have you told someone else you were going to do something hard? Maybe you told a co-worker that you’re planning on losing 50 pounds. Perhaps you told a family member that you were going to get out of debt this year. 

 

You may think doing this pumps you up and makes you more likely to accomplish your goals. But talking about doing something hard can actually drain your energy. You start to come up with all the reasons you won’t achieve it. You might tell yourself, “Well, I just can’t say ‘no’ to sugar. I don’t mind debt that much and I don’t want to change my standard of living.”

 

Sharing a Goal Can Discourage You

 

You’re really going to do it. This will be the year that you quit the factory job you hate so much and start your work at home business. Then you make the mistake of sharing a goal with someone else. 

 

The problem is the other person is negative and quickly points out all of the reasons you’re bound to fail. They may say unsupportive things like, “You don’t have a degree. You don’t have the time. Where are you going to get the money?” 

 

Within a few minutes, you start feeling discouraged. You’d felt so energized and were determined to act on your motivation earlier. But now, you’re filled with self-doubt and negativity.

 

Telling Others about Your Goal Can Damage Your Reputation

 

You’re always the one in your circle of friends with the big dreams. You love sharing your visions and ideas with other people. After all, your new goal is going to work out spectacularly.

 

The only problem is your goals change frequently.  You’re always pursuing something new and you rarely see a goal through to completion. While being a dreamer has its advantages, if you don’t pair your goals with follow-through, you can end up damaging your reputation. People will describe you as flaky and no one will trust your word.

 

Before you tell a friend or family member about your next goal, consider carefully if you should do that. You may accomplish this dream and become more successful if you keep it to yourself rather than sharing it with someone else.  

 

What’s the Dream You’re Afraid to Share?

You have a dream in your heart. It’s the one that’s so precious, so fragile, and so important to you that you don’t share it with others. You hold it close, in the hopes that by protecting it, you’ll one day get the chance to live it. 

 

That’s what Maddie did. She’d dreamed of being a writer since she was a kid. She wanted to write books and see them sold at bookstores around the world. She never shared the dream with anyone and by the time she graduated high school, she decided she needed a practical career.

 

So, she went to college for years and got a degree. Then she began a career as a dentist. She enjoyed getting to help her patients but she still went home every night, feeling unfulfilled. She daydreamed in the quiet moments about the books she’d write.

 

Why Does This Dream Scare You?

 

Are you like Maddie? Do you have a dream that you’ve managed to quiet over the years? Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’ll write that book when the kids are grown. Maybe you’ve decided that you’ll have time to travel when you retire. Maybe you’ve said that one day you’ll go back to school and pursue that career dream, just as soon as you have enough money.

 

But stop and think. Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. What makes you so frightened of going after the dream? Are you afraid of what people will say? Do you worry that your spouse won’t be supportive? Are you concerned about being shunned by others in your community?

 

How Will It Change Your Life?

 

Sometimes, we fear fulfilling our dreams because it means change. Even good changes – like finally working in a career that makes you happy or making room in your life to travel as often as you want – can feel scary. 

 

Before you can go after that dream, you need to ponder how your life will change. You need to imagine the day you’ll leave your job. You should visualize the moment you step on the stage and receive the diploma you’ve always wanted. You need to close your eyes and create the life of your dreams in your mind.

 

Are You Ready to Pursue It?

 

There is a chasm between the life of your dreams and your life now. The space in between the two will be filled with hard work, bitter tears, crippling setbacks, and intense pain. But if you’re willing to persevere, you’ll find the life you want is on the other side.

 

Maddie followed after her dream of becoming an author. She started writing books. She took writing classes. She networked with other authors. She began submitting her work to publishing houses and got feedback that helped her improve her work even more. She hasn’t sold a book yet, but she’s close. 

 

It takes courage to pursue your dreams and it’s tough. But it’s not nearly as hard as sitting on the sidelines of your own life, hoping that one day you get a chance to live out your deepest longings.

Are You Journaling Your Dream?

You’ve decided to get serious about your dream. But the dream is big and you feel overwhelmed. You’re not sure where to start or how to breathe life into it. You only know you want it so badly that you can taste it.

 

You’re first step could be journaling your dream. Find or buy a journal. Pick one that fits your personality and inspires you to fill each page. Some people like buying fancy leather bound journals while others prefer notebooks from a discount store. It doesn’t matter what your journal looks like or what material it’s made from, it only matters that you love it.

 

Capturing the Journey

 

If you’re not sure how to begin your journal, begin by writing about your dream. Talk about when you first remember becoming aware of the dream. Did you know you wanted to write books when you stepped into the library as a little kid? Did you know you were meant to be on stage when you participated in the theater club in high school? Did you only just discover your dream? Write about it!

 

It’s important that you remember this journal is for your eyes only. You don’t have to worry about perfect spelling and grammar. You’re not going to be graded on your sentence structure or expected to use the right punctuation. You’re free to let everything out in this space.

 

Praying for the Dream You Desire

 

Some people use journaling as a way of connecting with God and praying over their dreams. For example, one woman would start her journal entries with the words: “Dear Heavenly Father…”. She viewed each entry as a love letter to God and found it helpful to share her dream journey with Him.

 

Another woman used her journal to draw images that depicted her life. If she had a bad day and experienced a setback, she would sketch her frustrations and pain. When she had a good day, she would depict her feelings in the forms of cartoons. 

 

Speaking Your Dream into Existence

 

After you’ve dreamed or doodled your goals in your journal, it can be helpful to brainstorm your mantra. You can then repeat these mantras when you’re working on your goal and when you’re tempted to give up and let your dream die.

 

For example, Lesley’s dream was to become a public speaker despite the fact that she suffers from social anxiety. She wanted to spend her time motivating teenagers who felt like everyone had given up on them. 

 

As she began looking for speaking opportunities, she would repeat to herself, “I believe in myself and in my dreams. The world is filled with hurting teenagers who need to hear my message.” 

 

When it comes to your journal, there are no rules. If you want to doodle or draw all over it, do it. If you want to fill it with letters to God or the universe, do it. If you want to write your mantra down a hundred times a day, do it. Remember, this is your safe space where you’re free to dream. 

Why Lifelong Learning Leads to Success

Whether personally or professionally, success is something that people strive to achieve their entire lives. Since success looks different for everyone, finding it can be a challenge that you can only overcome through hard work. In a world that is constantly changing at an incredible pace, becoming a lifelong learner can boost your chances of success.

 

Builds Your Skillset

 

The more skills you have, the better chance you have to become and stay employed when it comes to the workplace. Discovering new learning opportunities is the key to increasing your skillset.

 

If you are a lifelong learner, you can increase your level of knowledge and skills to the point where you are more marketable to future employers. In addition, if you are already employed, your potential for advancement is more likely if you take the time to learn new skills.

 

It is important to keep in mind that you should continue pursuing knowledge even if you get promoted to a significant position. This is especially true in a marketplace where things change so rapidly.

 

Increases Your Ability to Communicate

 

Communication is a key factor in creating the success you desire in your personal or professional life. This is because it allows you to send information out into the world and understand the world around you.

 

If you are a lifelong learner, you tend to gain knowledgeable information about various topics that you can then communicate effectively with others. Being seen as a source of valuable information is a trait that many successful people hold.

 

Good communication effectively comes from having confidence in various areas of interest. Additionally, when you are familiar with a topic, you will convey the information so that people will understand and can apply it directly.

 

Creates Opportunities

 

If you ask most people why they are not taking risks in either their personal or professional lives, they will probably say they are afraid of failing. This is especially true in the world that is moving at lightning speed.

 

Lifelong learning creates opportunities that you might not have had the opportunity to partake in prior. This is because by acquiring new knowledge and skills, you may seek out new career opportunities.

 

Employers are typically looking for people that have versatile abilities that will, in turn, be better for the bottom line of the company. People who are willing to continuously learn new skills are extremely attractive to businesses.

 

Overall, understanding that lifelong learning leads to success is vital for anyone wanting to boost their success. Taking the time to learn new things is a sure-fire way to show others that you are a great resource for knowledge.

 

We Often Learn Too Late That Priorities Are Important

What's the most important commodity in your life? It's time. You can never get back any time you wasted or spent inappropriately. A lot of us beat ourselves up when we think about all the time we've wasted in our past.

 

That's okay, as long as we've learned our lesson. It's a shame this isn't something that's taught early in life. Your parents might have told you as a child that you need to have a list of priorities. That probably didn't mean anything to you at the time. You were young and had your whole life ahead of you.

 

Then you blinked your eyes and winded up far removed from your childhood. You've got several decades behind you as an adult. You regret not having paid attention to priorities over the years.

 

You know that what you prioritize highly gets the most of your attention. This happens subconsciously and consciously. The person who prioritizes becoming wealthy above all other things is very likely to achieve that goal. His relationships may suffer, unless he places them high up on his list of priorities as well.

 

Have You Written down Your Priorities?

 

You don't have to do this with pen and paper. You can use your smartphone or your computer. That way you'll always have your list of priorities available. By the way, this should be something you review constantly. You're an entirely different person now than when you were younger. You're going to be a different person in a few years in so many ways.

 

This means you should constantly check your list of priorities and see if you've got them in the right order.

 

At the top of your list you want to jot down the things that are most important to you. When you first do this, don't worry about misspelling words or making complete sentences. You just want to get your thoughts down on paper. Prioritize the top 10 things in your life. These are your values. They are the things that are important to you.

 

When you're finished, rank them. Put your most important value or goal at the top. Look at the list. What do you think? What are you going to spend the most time on? 

 

Can you make a plan to spend more time and effort on priority number one than number five? That's what you should do, because your highest priority is the thing in life that is of the utmost importance to you.

 

Repeat the Process for the Next Few Days

 

Do the same thing again tomorrow. You want to do this because things may pop into your head that you didn't think about. You might think that won't happen with goals or values that are super important to you. Believe us when we say that it does. When you go through this exercise for three or four days in a row, you'll have a very clear picture of the things that are important in your life.

 

Then you can move forward with more focus and productivity. It's a shame this isn't taught to children. When it is taught, young people are so busy with so many things that they might forget the lesson. No matter where you are in life right now, take this to heart. Your actions create your reality and priorities can help you decide what receives the most action in your life.

 

10 Easy Ways to Develop a Lifelong Learning Habit

If you were to develop one skill to help you to get ahead in all aspects of life, what would it be?

 

Studies have shown that by far, the best advantage you can give yourself is to become a lifelong learner. Why? Because without learning, the mind stagnates.

 

Thankfully, becoming a lifelong learner isn’t hard. Below are ten easy ways to build a habit of learning that will serve you in years to come.

 

Commit

 

Unless you make lifelong learning a priority, you’re not going to enjoy success. You start with committing to change and then go from there.

 

Create a Personalized Learning Environment

 

True learning results when you take charge of your learning environment. Sit down with your mentor and make concrete goals. Set up a system that enables you to learn and a setting in which you can learn. Once you have this, you are truly ready to begin.

 

Read

 

Read books, magazines, news articles, academic journals, and anything that catches your attention. If it’s interesting to you, then it’s worth perusing. 

 

Keep a List

 

Have a question? Write it down. Come back to this list later and Google the answers. Let this become the jumping off point for learning new things.

 

Create

 

Create a project out of one of the things you find interesting. Set goals, give a timeline, and a final deadline to complete it. Invite others to take part in your project with you. You learn so much more when you collaborate. Create milestones and celebrate each one on your road to completion.

 

Socialize

 

Hang out with smart people who also enjoy learning. These will become your encouragers and mentors along the way.

 

Become a Mentor Yourself

 

We all have something we’re good at and could teach. Your particular skill set might be what someone else needs to succeed. By getting involved in mentoring, you find yourself not only cementing the knowledge you already have but learning new things as well.

 

Try Different Learning Styles

 

If you’ve always thought of yourself as one kind of learner, try a new way to learn. You’ll stimulate your brain in new and exciting ways.

 

Study with Others

 

When you work with a group, it’s generally easier to learn as you can draw upon the base of shared knowledge. That, in turn, helps you to discover new things yourself.

 

Seek out a Job that Encourages Lifelong Learning 

 

The final step toward lifelong learning is to find work where you are encouraged to learn new things, and which continually challenges you.

 

Remember, building habits that lead to lifelong learning rely on repetition. Engage in these activities as often as possible, making them a part of every single day if you can, for optimal success.

 

Life Coaches Can Help You Deal with Adversity

When you discover a good life coach, they can help you with several aspects of your life. They will show you methods to overcome aspects of your life that are holding you back. They can also help you when you face adverse situations and can give you the guidance you need to help you pick up the pieces and get back on track.

 

They may start by teaching you to be positive and use techniques such as affirmations to retrain your brain to think positive thoughts. That is one of the biggest means to deal with adverse situations. It won’t prevent you from dealing with them, but it will help you focus on what is important. You need to practice these affirmations for them to be effective. It’s not a casual exercise that you do whenever the mood strikes. Make it a daily habit. Your mentor will know if you are not practicing them.

 

Prepare for your life coach to be truthful. The truth hurts, but it may be what you need to get past your situation. When you get caught up in blaming others and not taking responsibility, they will be quick to point this out to you. A good coach will present it in such a way that you will come to the conclusions yourself. And that makes it easier for you to accept and counter the action.

 

When you decide to use a life coach, don’t blame them if it doesn’t work out. That is, of course, assuming you chose a qualified coach. It’s not difficult to find a good coach if you take the right steps. Ask friends and family. Do a bit of digging to learn about their background.

 

Coaches are going to encourage you to step outside your comfort zone. Most coaches will use this to help the people they coach break away from bad habits and form new ones. It is called a comfort zone for a reason. It will be awkward, and at times, you may get angry at their suggestions. 

 

If the adversity you are dealing with is from the result of a traumatic experience, a life coach may not be qualified to handle such a deep situation. In this case, seek out a professional who has qualified in that area. You can still choose to use the life coach for other aspects of your development.

 

Why Is Mentorship Important?

Maybe you've been struggling a bit in life, and a friend or family member has suggested that you try out a mentor. You might be hesitant, wondering why a mentor is even important. But mentorship is important for several of the following reasons. 

 

Mentors Provide Knowledge

 

No matter who you are or what field you are in, you don't know everything there is to know. Even if your mentor is on the same level as you academically, they may have knowledge different from yours that could help you achieve goals both on the job and off. Having a mentor can also help shorten the growth curve when you take on a new project or set an ambitious goal. 

 

Mentors Can See Things You Can’t

 

One of the most difficult things in life can be clearly seeing yourself or your journey. A mentor can help with this since they can provide feedback about things you are doing from a third-party outsider's perspective. This can give you a valuable leap ahead when competing for a competitive position or another dream that depends on someone else’s selection to achieve. 

 

Mentors Offer Encouragement

 

Beyond just providing an outside perspective and giving you advice on decisions, mentors can also offer you daily encouragement. In fact, a good mentor will know you so well that they will know how to offer you the exact kind of encouragement that will get you going when you are stuck in a rut. This encouragement can help you to better stay on your path towards success. 

 

Mentors Introduce You To A Network

 

One of the other things that makes a mentor great is that they usually have a network of people behind them who are also available to you. They may introduce you to new people who can help you along your path. They may know people who can advise you in difficult situations. Either way, a mentor will introduce you to people who will be invaluable to your journey! 

 

Overall, if you find yourself struggling, it may be important that you find someone to mentor you. A mentor is a valuable person who can provide you with knowledge and help you see things that you normally can't. Not only that, but a mentor can offer you encouragement as well as introduce you to other new people who can be a great addition to your life. 

 

How Loving Your Life Makes Everything Better

The key to making your life work the way you want it lies in the power of your thoughts and emotions. Combined, they help create your reality.

 

This means that when you choose to be positive and love your life, it’ll love you right back. Deciding to be happy makes you better at handling challenging situations. It helps you build inner strength, resilience, and a sense of inner peace.

 

We rounded up five ways to show how loving your life makes everything better. Take a look.

 

You Feel More Authentic

 

When you start loving your life, you feel this calm flowing around you. Gone are the days of being anxious and on edge because you lived on someone else’s terms.

 

People who live their life this way enjoy more freedom and empowerment than they’ve ever felt before. The reason?

 

They’re doing the things that allow them to find their authentic self. It’s also knowing the little things that bring joy to your everyday life. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to read a book or do some mindfulness meditation.

 

It can also be more substantial, like volunteering or learning a new language. Whatever it is, make sure it makes you love life and brings out your true self.

 

You Stop Pleasing People

 

One of the things that can quickly rid your life of happiness is trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it’s your partner, friend, or loved ones, trying to please everyone is taxing and takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

 

We sometimes get so used to pleasing others that we even do it with random strangers!

 

It may sound like a good thing from the outside. But it prevents us from being our true selves because we’re always worried about what others think about us.

 

Yet, this doesn’t mean you take other people for granted or don’t consider what they have to say. But it’s all about finding the right balance. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice your peace of mind for the sake of theirs.

 

You’re Content with the ‘Right Now’

 

If you’re not happy with your present moment, then nothing will ever be good enough for you. You probably think that buying that big house or shiny car is enough to make you happy and satisfied. But that’s just seeing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

 

Then, when you finally end up on the other side, you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be. Because you haven't perfected the fine art of fulfillment, you’ll soon find things that are wrong with that as well.

 

Instead, you have to take actionable steps toward appreciating your present just as it is. That’s the first step in loving your life.

 

Sure, it’s okay to dream and set goals, and work hard to achieve them. But just always be grateful for what you have today.

 

You Get Better At Handling Life’s Curveballs

 

Many of us don’t like change. It makes us anxious, afraid, and in a state of panic.

Yet, one of life’s constants is change. It’s an inevitable part of life as we know it.

 

So, we have to live with the fact that there will always be changes in our lives. One way we can accept this fact is by embracing change and seeing it as a good thing.

 

Not all change is bad. Some of it brings exciting events into our lives and gets us to meet new people that become lifelong friends.

 

Still, we’d be remiss not to mention that there will be changes that you don’t like. Life doesn’t always go your way. But, instead of freaking out, take this opportunity to learn and grow from it.

 

You Realize That Perfection Is Overrated

 

No one is, nor ever will be, perfect, not even those airbrushed models. Yet, sometimes, it’s easy to let yourself go down the path of doubting yourself. Questioning yourself and your choices is normal, but it should never go as far as to make you doubt your self-worth.

 

So, the first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Once you learn how to do that, you can stop striving for perfection.

 

You’ll look at your life in a whole new way, and you learn how to embrace your mistakes, imperfections, and all. In fact, it’s these imperfect moments that help you grow and learn.

 

Stop Chasing Happiness, Find Fulfillment Instead

From an early age, we’re led to believe that nothing is more satisfying than finding happiness. But happiness is so elusive and intangible.

 

Plus, happiness is different for everyone, so how do you know when you find it? And is there something out there that can make you feel even better than happiness?

 

Yes! It’s called having a sense of fulfillment. Yet, what is that exactly, and how do you get it? That’s what we’re here today to find out.

 

So, keep reading to learn how you can stop chasing happiness to find fulfillment instead.

 

Happiness vs. Fulfillment

 

Take a look at this quick overview of happiness vs. fulfillment.

 

Happiness

 

Happiness includes feelings like contentment, excitement, and joy. But they’re all temporary.

 

Sure, it feels nice while it lasts, but other emotions take over, like anger, fear, and anxiety.

 

The trap many of us fall into is that we believe we’ll reach our point of happiness when we achieve certain things in our lives.

 

We say things like, “If I buy that shiny, red car, I’ll be happy.” or “Once I have my own house, I’ll finally be happy.”

 

Of course, you’ll be happy! But that happiness can only last so much. After that, reality sets in, especially when the bills start coming in.

 

Another problem with happiness is that we often view it in terms of other people. So we compare our lives to theirs, which is never a good idea.

 

No one knows what’s going on in other people's lives. So it’s not fair to compare only the good parts. It sends you on a loop of perpetual disappointment. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

 

Fulfillment

 

When you pursue the things that really matter to you, you bring fulfillment into your life. Fulfillment is when you take actionable steps towards the things you value. Part of it is also achieving goals that were set up based on these core values.

 

Living your life with a consistent set of values allows you to have integrity towards who you truly are. It also allows you more control over your emotions and thoughts.

 

This makes it possible to bring the locus of control inward. Thus, you feel stronger and more empowered.

 

The bottom line is that happiness is dependent on external factors. Many of these factors are material and likely to change at any moment.

 

Fulfillment, on the other hand, is internally driven. You’re the one who determines what means more to you, and then by going after it, you elevate the levels of fulfillment in your life.

 

How To Find Fulfillment

 

You can find fulfillment in many ways. But you have to choose to see it in every experience and situation in your life, especially those that don’t go your way.

 

It sounds more challenging than it really is, but it’s actually relatively easy once you know what you’re doing. And it’s way more rewarding and empowering than chasing the ever-fleeting feeling of happiness.

 

Here are some ways to find fulfillment and bring meaning to your life.

 

Know Thyself

 

The great philosopher, Socrates, said, “Know Thyself” to encourage his students to look inward when searching for the meaning of life. So then, when you know your true nature, you can find fulfillment because you know your true self-worth.

 

You can do that by thinking of a moment when you felt most fulfilled. What about that specific event made you feel this way?

 

The more you know about yourself, the more fulfillment you’ll find in life. Remember, fulfillment isn’t about having a nice house or the latest fashion. It’s much deeper than that and much more nuanced.

 

It just takes a bit of soul searching.

 

Help Others

 

Helping others is one of the best ways to fill your life with fulfillment. You feel good by volunteering your time or money to help someone in need.

 

The science behind it is that helping others boosts the release of ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains. Some of these include hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin.

 

So, whether you’re helping a friend move or helping out at a local soup kitchen, you’re bringing joy and ease into other people’s lives. Not only that, but you’re also making yourself feel more fulfilled.

 

Create Connections

 

Surrounding yourself with a healthy, supportive social circle allows you to feel connected to something. In addition, being part of something fosters a sense of fulfillment in your life.

 

You have people you can talk to anytime you feel sad or stressed out. Consequently, you don’t suffer from any feelings of isolation, disconnection, or separation.

 

Be Grateful

 

Having a sense of gratitude can help you see the purpose in life and feel like you’re connected to a greater good. Gratitude also boosts your overall health and encourages positive emotions, which can come in handy when you’re going through a tough time.

 

It also motivates you to strive for more. Yet, when there’s a setback, you focus more on what you have and what you’ve accomplished rather than wallowing in your losses.

 

Being thankful each day can help you overcome difficult times and give you the support you need to get back up and keep trying to reach your potential.

 

Keep in mind that if you’re not okay with what you don’t have, you’ll never appreciate what you do have.