Embracing Change: Letting Go To Welcome The New

We all have something we want to let go of, whether it be a harmful habit, physical item, or toxic viewpoint that keeps us tethered to where we are. However, despite wanting to let go, the reality is that embracing change can be hard to do. 

 

Oftentimes, the struggle to let go and embrace change has to do with not having control over the future - and that can be a really powerful fear. But the reality is that while we can make choices based on the best information we have at the time, life is always going to be in a state of flux. 

 

Whether the change is good or sad, practicing the art of letting go can help you to become more flexible and adaptable. It can also help us move forward if we’re still living in the past. Here’s some helpful information that can do just that. 

 

Why Do We Struggle With Change? 

 

Before we dive into all the ways you can start letting go, let’s first analyze why we’re so resistant to change in the first place. 

 

According to Katherine Cullen MFA, LCSW, in her article titled Why Is Change So Hard? published in Psychology Today, “We often find ourselves resisting change, perhaps because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it.” 

 

In her article, she refers to examples such as a chain smoker looking to quit the habit. First, is the acknowledgment of the act. in this case, the smoker realizes that they’re going through a lot of cigarettes per day. While this isn’t enough to prompt immediate action, it gets the gears turning. 

 

The next phase is contemplation, which is when the individual considers the pros and cons of letting go. In the case of a chain smoker, this could be comparing the benefits of quitting such as renewed lung tissue and lowering the risk of developing lung cancer, as well as the cons such as not knowing another way to relieve stress and being fearful of not having any other method of self-soothing. 

 

After weighing the pros and cons, most people will then make a detailed plan - i.e. choose a day to quit smoking and buy a yoga mat for stress relief or hard candy to suck on when they have a craving. Then, they go through with it. Getting to this point of action is hard, but maintaining the lifestyle is even harder because everything is outside of the person’s comfort zone. 

 

For a chain smoker, a watermelon-flavored hard candy is hardly going to be an adequate substitute for something they enjoy. And since lifestyle changes aren’t a linear process, any setbacks could lead to self-judgment and frustration, making embracing the new change all the more difficult. 

 

This cycle is why we’re so resistant to change. We’re often fearful of what lies on the other side of change. Though change isn’t always bad, it’s the what-ifs that we focus on. While the chain smoker giving up cigarettes is just one example, another might be an adult child having difficulty discarding their deceased mother’s clothing. 

 

While they may not necessarily need them, they’re scared of getting rid of them for the risk that they will one day change their mind, or that they will somehow be disappointing their loved ones. Fears like this lead to prolonged (and unnecessary) suffering. 

 

Parents with grown children may also suffer through the struggle to let go of their child’s bedroom or childhood effects, which can make it hard to embrace their child’s adulthood and the new dynamic shared between them. 

 

At the end of the day, the fear of letting go and embracing change often comes down to not knowing what to expect and the risk of having regrets about the decision to change later on, especially if it doesn’t pan out the way we want. 

 

Tips for Letting Go and Embracing Change

 

Letting go can be hard as is, let alone when we’re also forced to embrace the unwanted change that comes with it. 

 

As in the example above, letting go of a loved one’s clothes or personal items has nothing to do with the love of the tangible items, but rather the fear that they’re going to forget their loved ones if they don’t have a physical memory attached to them. 

 

Regardless of what you’re struggling to let go of, here are some tips that can help you welcome change, even if it’s going to be a little difficult. 

 

Declutter

 

Like the example mentioned earlier, holding onto items for the fear that you’ll regret getting rid of them isn’t a good enough reason to keep them around. Clutter can lead to stress, anxiety, and in many cases, depression. 

 

Holding onto items that no longer serve you, even if they’re simply no longer your style, can keep you in the past and chain you there. If you’re interested in letting go, start small. Grab a trash bag and find 10 items you can throw away, like receipts, chipped mugs, or socks that have holes in them. With enough practice, you can work your way up from items that are damaged to those that have a mental chokehold on you. 

 

This is especially true if you’re holding onto clutter for sentimental reasons. While it’s okay to keep a few things, dedicating your home to people or lifestyles from the past can keep you tethered to a painful time in your life. Learning to let go can help you accept what happened and embrace your new life moving forward. 

 

Don’t Dismiss Your Fears

 

One way you can embrace change is by acknowledging that you don’t want to let certain things go, whether it’s a tangible item or not. 

 

The more you try to dismiss your feelings, and by proxy, your fears, the more likely they are to stay with you and affect your decisions. If you want to truly embrace change, then acknowledge that getting rid of your mother’s items, or your child’s baby clothes (for example) is hard. 

 

Then, go ahead and acknowledge your fears about getting rid of them. For example, getting rid of baby clothes could signify that the time of your life is over, and you’re scared of what comes next. 

 

Oftentimes, the difficulty of letting go is because we’re fearful of feeling sad, being alone, moving on, or feeling vulnerable. However, these are feelings shared among society. When you bring these fears to the surface, they not only no longer seem so scary, but you can now identify solutions. 

 

With the right support system, you can embrace your fears and still let go, knowing that it’s going to suck…and that’s okay. 

 

Listen to Your Inner Voice

 

At the end of the day, you’ll know when it’s time to get rid of something, or someone, or move on. These feelings are usually subtle; one day you just don’t feel the same way about it anymore. However, when you have that inkling, take notice. 

 

Your inner voice doubles as your voice of reason. Though you may be quick to ignore it or do the opposite, trust that when that little voice pops up telling you it’s time to let go, it’s because deep down, it’s what you know is best for you. 

 

Letting go and embracing change is all about the fear of not knowing what lies around the corner. You can make this change easier by trusting your gut and realizing that yes, change can be scary, but so can staying miserable where you are. 

 

8 Ways To Prime Your Brain For Success

Our brains are essential for the quality of physical and mental performance. Smoking, excess alcohol, stress, or poor dietary habits, to name a few, can have a significant detrimental impact on our brain functionality. These habits also contribute to high blood pressure, cognitive decline, and dementia.

 

Fortunately, habits can be changed, and new strategies can be learned. The following tips can help to improve your brain and prime it for success.

 

Try the Mediterranean Diet (MeDi)

High-quality foods are essential for your brain health and physical fitness. The Mediterranean diet focuses on plant-based foods such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, beans, fish, whole grains, and healthy oils like olive and avocado oils. 

 

Based on a study of 502,536 participants, people who followed the principles of the MeDi had a 23% less chance of developing dementia. Also, research has found that the MeDi may improve your cognitive capabilities, such as memory.

 

Reduce Stress with Mindfulness Relaxation

Chronic stress can have a significant harmful effect on brain function. Yale Medicine defines chronic stress as “A consistent sense of feeling pressured and overwhelmed over a long period of time.” In today’s hectic world, there are many causes of chronic stress, such as life changes, an unpleasant career, or family dysfunction. When stressed, the brain increases glucocorticoid production, including the stress hormone cortisol. 

 

Mindfulness is a form of meditation that helps you focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past or situations causing you to worry. Other key concepts include paying attention to your surroundings, accepting yourself, and focusing on your breathing.

 

Be Physically Active

The Center for Creative Leadership asked over 1,500 executives how exercise impacts their performance. Approximately 90% said that physical activity “clearly impacts” their performance, 12% reported “some impact,” and no one reported zero impact.
Respondents reported that regular exercise improved mental clarity and focus, increased alertness, and improved problem-solving.

 

In addition to improving your brain, exercise has physical benefits such as lowering blood pressure and cholesterol, reducing anxiety, improving sleep, and strengthening your immune system.

 

Stay Mentally Active

 

The human brain must be exercised like a muscle; if your brain doesn’t get sufficient exercise, the result can be early cognitive decline. There are many activities that you can do to give your brain a workout, such as reading, learning a new language, playing games, or working on a jigsaw puzzle.

 

Sleep Well

The importance of sleep and its effect on your brain should not be underestimated. When you sleep deeply, the brain repairs itself and rejuvenates your immune system. When in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, the brain compiles details you learned during the prior day.

 

Inadequate sleep contributes to feeling exhausted, can cause concentration, mood, and memory disorders, and suppress your immune system.

 

If you cannot go to sleep or stay asleep, create a bedtime routine by going to bed at the same time nightly and waking up at the same time in the morning. Over time, this will help set your internal clock and become a regular sleep pattern. Also:

 

• Turn off your electronics at least two hours prior to bedtime. This includes cell phones, computers, and social media.
• Eliminate caffeine after 12:00 p.m. The most common sources of caffeine are coffee, tea, soda, and chocolate.
• Avoid eating before bedtime to prevent gastrointestinal issues that may keep you awake.

 

Avoid Smoking

While you may feel that cigarettes or cigars help to calm you and are pleasurable, there are risks to brain functionality. A study by the American Heart Association (AHA) found that smoking is associated with cognitive decline, leading to worsening performance. 

 

Be Socially Active

Social interaction can help to reduce stress and depression, preventing memory loss. Look for ways to interact with others, especially if you live alone. Brain atrophy has been linked to a lack of socialization. Being socially active can strengthen your brain health. 

 

Find Inspiration

The things we tend to take for granted can be inspirational and good for brain health. For example, Psych Central notes that watching the sunrise gives you a feeling of awe, bolsters your mood, and helps you to have a “big picture” mentality where we view situations broadly rather than focusing on limited details. It opens your mind to evaluating scenarios entirely rather than breaking them into detailed parts. 

 

People may also find inspiration from art, visiting a park, or watching the sunset.

 

Conclusion

 

A healthy brain keeps our sensory, cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and motor functions working smoothly. It is essential to develop good habits such as eating properly, being physically, mentally, and socially active, and getting sufficient sleep.

 

Practicing the preceding tips can boost brain health, priming your mind for success and well-being!

 

References

https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-023-02772-3

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5502874/

https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/stress-disorder

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356

https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/spotlight-on-exercise-and-leadership/

https://brainfoundation.org.au/healthy-brain/

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/str.53.suppl_1.WP17

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/addressing-your-mental-health-by-identifying-the-signs-of-anxiety-and-depression

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/maintaining-healthy-relationships-is-important-as-we-age

 

The Balancing Act: Letting Go Of The Need To Control Everything And Finding Harmony

As chaotic as modern life can be, you can find balance. It's difficult to get it right, especially when you're trying to embrace life's spontaneity while also creating an efficient routine to maximize your time and opportunities. 

 

There's a big part of it that requires control, the problem is that the desire for too much control can stress you out and make you incredibly anxious. This need for too much control steeps you into a state of perpetual tension. Here, we talk about the balancing act and the art of letting go. 

 

Control is an Illusion 

 

Control is an illusion, it's the idea that you can dictate all of the outcomes throughout your life. There are, of course, certain things you can control. If you're getting a degree, license, or qualification in something, you can control the level of study you put in for the testing process. That's in your hands. 

 

Not everything is that simple, though, and the reality is most things in life are inherently unpredictable. So, the more you cling to this illusion of control, the more stressed out you become and the more frustrated and disappointed you feel when things don't go your way. Accept that there are limits to what you can control. 

 

Embrace the Uncertainty 

 

Some of the beauty of life lies in its unpredictability, some of the greatest moments of your life probably came from nowhere. Embrace that uncertainty, it might be a shift in your perspective, but it gives you the freedom to navigate new situations with more grace and patience. Don't resist change, don't avoid unpredictability, lean in, and recognize there's a chance for growth. 

 

Cultivate Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness is a useful tool and a powerful one in your journey to let go and find balance. By cultivating a level of mindfulness, you are detaching yourself from the desperate need to control everything. Focus on the present, find peace, and enjoy clarity in the here and now instead of getting caught up in the past or obsessing about the future. 

 

Identify Your Areas of Control 

 

As important as it is to understand how limited your control is, it's just as important to recognize your areas of control. When you understand what you can control, you can focus your efforts and energy on those areas to maximize that control. It also gives you a deep sense of empowerment, without the added burden of managing something that's unmanageable. 

 

The Process

 

While some people think letting go is showing weakness, the reality is it's recognition that you are human. Sometimes, you have to surrender to the process and let life do what it's going to do without trying to control every single detail. You can't micromanage, so don't bother trying!

 

The Joy of Imperfection 

 

There are two big issues that plague us – the need for control and perfectionism and they go hand-in-hand. When you embrace imperfection, you're letting go of control – you're letting go of the idea that everything needs to be flawless and freeing yourself from the unrealistic expectations society places on you. Find joy in those imperfections, that's where you can flourish. 

 

Embrace Self-Compassion 

 

Self-compassion is the final piece of the puzzle because you can't let go and find balance without it. You need to recognize that it's okay that you don't have it all figured out, that it's okay if you're still making mistakes – it's all part of the human experience. `Treat yourself with kindness in those moments of uncertainty. 

 

Final Thoughts

 

There is a delicate balancing act between leaning into life and letting go of control. You have to make a conscious effort to loosen your grip on those reins, but in doing so, you will finally be able to find harmony in life! The biggest secret out there is you'll find harmony in this moment, which means letting go and enjoying every moment for what it is. 

 

Forgiveness As Liberation: The Art Of Letting Go Of Resentment

Everyone has experienced conflict and hurt from other’s words or conduct. Suppose a co-worker got credit for your work, or you were bullied as a child. Incidents such as these leave you feeling resentful, bitter, and angry long-term if not resolved. Unresolved resentment can have a significant impact on your health.

 

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic, Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic resentment can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and immune response, raising the risk of heart disease, depression, and other conditions.

 

On a positive note, forgiveness helps to calm your stress level, resulting in better physical and mental health.

 

Why Do We Feel Resentment?

 

When someone hurts us, we may feel a range of negative emotions such as sadness, hostility, or even hatred. When we don’t let go and forgive, we are consumed with those pessimistic feelings, affecting our self-esteem and well-being. If you are suffering from chronic resentment, you can learn to be forgiving; forgiving is a choice.

 

What is Forgiveness?

 

Psychologists commonly define forgiveness as “A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” 

 

Bear in mind that you can forgive without denying or forgetting the wrongdoing against you. You are not required to mend a bad relationship or release others from legal liability. 

 

How to Forgive

 

Choose Forgiveness

 

First, you need to decide whether you choose to forgive. While you don't have to forgive, it is to your benefit to do so. Research by the Annals of Behavioral Medicine shows that increased forgiveness decreases perceived stress and improves mental and physical health.

 

Leverage the Power of Positive Thinking

The effect of negative thinking and feelings is unhappiness. In order to heal, be consciously aware when you’re burdened with pessimistic thoughts. Use positive self-talk to replace the distressing thoughts. For example, you may want to retaliate against the person who hurt you. Remind yourself that you will be fair with that person and that you will not mirror their harmful actions.

 

Change Your Perspective

Think about the other person to understand their actions better. Was the person hurt by others or mistreated? Is the person going through a difficult time? That person may be in pain, struggling with chronic resentment, affecting their behavior with others. Look at the person with a compassionate perspective to gain insight. You don’t need to excuse the person, but you can forgive and move forward.

 

Acknowledge and Accept Your Pain

Recognize the hurt you’re feeling; don’t avoid it. Explore the emotions you’re experiencing and accept the pain. Psychology Today reports “Pain is actually a necessary part of happiness, and research shows that it can lead to pleasure in several ways.” For example, pain helps you recognize happiness; otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize it as happiness. Also, relief from pain is pleasurable and increases your happiness.

 

Conclusion

When someone hurts us, we may have a difficult time letting go of the feelings of resentment. Chronic resentment harms our well-being in many ways. On the other hand, forgiveness frees us from negative emotions, calms our stress levels, and brings us peace of mind. While we don’t have to deny or forget the offense against us, letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness is liberating and necessary for optimal wellness.

"I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself." - T.D. Jakes

 

References

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

 

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#what-is-forgiveness

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5055412/

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201511/5-reasons-you-have-accept-pain-if-you-want-be-happy#:~:text=But%20pain%20is%20actually%20a,t%20recognize%20it%20as%20happiness

Self-Parenting 101

Self-parenting, self-love, and self-care go hand in hand. All three are there to help you make conscious decisions and allow you to take better care of yourself.

 

After doing a lot of internal work, I now have a clearer vision of why we need to practice good self-parenting. The problem is that many people feel this type of self-care is shallow or selfish. But that couldn’t be further from the truth!

 

Below are some self-parenting 101 tips and tricks that can help ensure that you always prioritize what you need to thrive and lead a fulfilling life.

 

Let’s get started.

 

What Is Self-Parenting?

 

In short, self-parenting is a type of focused care that involves healthy living patterns and positive daily habits. It puts a spotlight on the things that truly matter in your life, like sleep, nourishment, and security.

 

Yet, while those are all great ways to manage your overall health, self-parenting takes it a step further.

 

At its core, self-parenting is how you can fulfill unmet needs lingering from your childhood. It’s a way to tone down your inner critic, which is actually a culmination of voices that you’ve internalized and now believe as your own.

 

As a result, you learn how to listen more to your emotions and thoughts. You become more compassionate towards who you are as a person, and you allow yourself to feel worthy and seen.

 

It does this by providing new experiences that can lead to more satisfying behavior and a more positive effect, thus helping you create better outcomes in your life.

 

5 Self-Parenting Tips

 

In my search for ways of being a better parent to myself, I looked at some of the ways good parents care for their kids. Then, I used them to create an outline that adults can apply to themselves to enhance their inner parent.

 

Take a look.

 

Accept Your Emotions

 

Feelings help us define what’s happening so we can articulate our thoughts and act accordingly. When children have intense feelings, it can sometimes be overwhelming. If we’re not taught at a young age how to deal with those big, scary emotions, we still won’t be able to deal with them as adults.

 

This is where self-parenting can really help. Tell yourself that it’s okay to have feelings, no matter how big or small.

 

More importantly, avoid making yourself feel guilty or ashamed about feeling a certain way. Instead, learn how to make the most of these feelings to better understand what you’re going through and help yourself move forward.

 

Set Healthy Boundaries

 

When your life has clearly defined expectations, you can safely navigate and explore within those boundaries. So, make it super clear what you expect of yourself and your life.

 

Yet, we’re trained to listen to our elders and to behave properly. Then, we grow up and we fear what will happen if we assert our needs as adults. So, we put everyone’s needs before our own to avoid rejection.

 

However, with boundaries, you have the power. It may sting a bit if someone rejects you for saying no for whatever reason. But you’ll survive and you’ll come out stronger and more confident.

 

Have Reasonable Expectations

 

Write down realistic goals for the year ahead. Start with long-term goals, then break them down into monthly, weekly, and daily objectives.

 

Working down from larger to more manageable short-term goals will give you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, it helps you focus on what you have to do and avoid feeling hurt or helpless.

 

Remind yourself to be proud of your commitment to do the work. And each time you achieve something on our list, reward yourself. Then, after each one, think about setting new goals that can help you achieve more in your personal and professional life.

 

Create a Regular Routine

 

Knowing that you’ll be doing certain things at certain times is one of the best self-parenting techniques ever! Having a routine helps prepare you for what’s ahead so you can have time to adjust and react accordingly. It also teaches you responsibility, leadership, and discipline.

 

For example, one of the first things experts will advise you to do is to go to bed at a specific time each night. Not only that, but you need to create a nightly ritual to help you unwind and relax at the end of the day.

 

Start by turning off all screens 30–60 minutes before bedtime and dim the lights. You can bring an enjoyable book to read. Or you can play some soft music to ease you into sleep mode and reduce any nighttime jitters you may have.

 

Know Your Core Values

 

Adults who come from neglectful homes are often not taught morals when they were children. So, as your self-parent, it’s up to you to determine what it takes to become a helpful, empathetic member of your community.

 

You also have to learn the importance of respecting yourself and others, as well as being honest and trustworthy. And the best way to do that is by finding out what your core values are.

 

One thing you can do to appreciate the role that helping others has in your life is to volunteer at a local shelter or community center. Even a simple gesture, holding the door for someone or smiling at a stranger, can do miracles for your self-esteem.

 

Cultivating a Balanced Mindset

In the pursuit of achieving balance, we often get caught up in the external world - creating to-do lists, scheduling commitments, and striving for efficiency. However, a crucial element often overlooked is cultivating a balanced mindset.

 

Shifting Your Perspective

 

Instead of viewing life as a constant struggle for balance, adopt the perspective that balance is an internal state. It's not about achieving external perfection but finding peace and acceptance within yourself. This shift in perspective allows you to approach life's challenges with greater resilience and navigate the inevitable ups and downs without feeling overwhelmed.

 

Practicing Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can be powerful tools for cultivating a balanced mind. These practices help you focus on the present moment and become aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. By training your mind to be present and accepting, you can better manage stress, reduce anxiety, and approach life's challenges with greater clarity and calmness.

 

Gratitude as a Source of Strength

 

Gratitude is another powerful tool for cultivating a balanced mindset. It allows you to shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have, fostering a sense of contentment and appreciation for the good things in life. Taking time to reflect on what you're grateful for, big or small, can significantly improve your well-being and overall outlook.

 

Self-Compassion is Key

 

Finding balance requires compassion for yourself, especially on days when you feel overwhelmed or unable to adhere to your ideal schedule. Instead of self-criticism, practice self-acceptance and understanding. Acknowledge your limitations and forgive yourself for setbacks. Remember, everyone struggles with achieving balance at times, and it's not about attaining perfection but about making progress and learning from your experiences.

 

Cultivating a balanced mindset is a journey, not a destination. By incorporating mindfulness practices, fostering gratitude, and practicing self-compassion, you can create a foundation for inner peace and navigate the ebbs and flows of life with greater ease and resilience. This, in turn, will contribute to a more balanced and fulfilling life, even when faced with external demands and challenges.