Breaking Chains: Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can drive you to your breaking point. These may be difficult to get out of, and you may not even realize things are bad until you’re in deep. Today we’ll look at healthy versus toxic relationships and how to break those chains.

 

Identifying a Toxic Relationship

 

The first step in breaking free from your chains is identifying when the chains are there. All relationships go through bad times. The difference is that toxic relationships seem to be perpetually stuck in a dark place. This is true for any type of relationship, not just romantic.

 

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

• Respect
• Trust
• Good communication
• Mutual commitment
• Kindness
• Fun
• Comfort
• Support of each other’s goals
• Partnership in decisions

On the other hand, signs of a toxic relationship include:

• Disrespect
• Lack of trust
• Dishonesty
• Poor communication
• Major difference in goals
• Lack of support
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Excessive control
• Disregard of each other’s needs and wants

Maintaining Safety

 

Depending on the level of toxicity, breaking the relationship off could have safety concerns. This mainly refers to partners in romantic relationships but not always. In these cases, it could be a good idea to consult with local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline before taking any action. To reach the hotline, you can either call 800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. More information is available on their website.

 

Keys to Success

 

There are a few main components that ensure success when breaking off a toxic relationship. They include:

• Support System: Keep your loved ones in the loop about what’s going on with you. Let them know why you’re leaving the relationship and seek assistance from them if needed. Community support groups are also available if you need to talk with people who are going through the same thing.

• Independence: Learn how to take care of yourself and complete daily tasks. This includes managing your basic needs, finances, recreation, and other errands.

• Professional Assistance: Again, law enforcement and other measures may be necessary to maintain physical safety. From a mental health standpoint, you may also want to seek professional counseling before and after ending the relationship.

• Cutting Ties: One of the worst things you can do when leaving a toxic relationship is leaving the door open for the other person to come back into your life. It will be difficult to step away but it’s necessary for long-term healing. Once you no longer share material possessions and communication is not essential, delete their contact information and take them off your social media. Do not indulge in conversations about them with friends, family, or mutual connections.

• Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you physical, mental, and emotional comfort and peace. Take care of your basic needs, live a healthy lifestyle, and participate in relaxing and recreational activities.

 

What To Say

 

What you say and how you say it during a breakup is critical to your success in walking away. Here are a few tips for breaking the chain of a toxic relationship:

• Maintain a strong and assertive but non-aggressive tone of voice.
• Use strong body language, including a tall stance, relaxed shoulders, and good eye contact.
• Use “I” statements and accept that the other person may not take responsibility for their actions.
• Use definitive language. For example, don’t say “I need a break”. Instead, say “I’m leaving you and I don’t want you in my life anymore”.

 

Healing From Toxic Relationships

 

It’s best to take a holistic approach to healing from a toxic relationship. This means focusing on every aspect of your wellbeing, not just your emotional health. Some of these aspects include:

• Physical: This involves factors such as diet, sleep, exercise, and personal hygiene.
• Mental: This involves using coping skills and/or professional help to deal with unwanted thoughts and emotions.
• Social: This involves your social connections such as family, friends, work, hobbies, and other social obligations.

 

Source Links

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202206/how-recover-toxic-relationship

 

https://www.thehotline.org/

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-marriage-4091900

 

https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/ten-signs-of-a-healthy-relationship

 

Unburden Your Heart: The Path To Letting Go Of Grudges And Resentment

Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness can be triggered when someone hurts you by saying or doing something offensive. It’s challenging to let go, to forgive, and the feelings of resentment linger, weighing you down and making your heart feel heavy.

A study published by Springer Link confirms that “Bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.”  Holding grudges and resentment is linked to a higher risk of heart attack, disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, headaches, and chronic pain. In addition, the anger from resentment can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

It’s in your best interest to move past the hurt caused by others to protect your health and well-being. There are strategies to free yourself of resentment.

Why Do We Struggle to Let Go?

A 2021 analysis by researchers explored why we hold resentment and found that our self-esteem is a factor. Humans need validation, meaning we want others to agree with our actions or beliefs. Otherwise, we feel morally inferior, becoming defensive and increasing the difficulty of accepting and forgiving others.

In some cases, people simply have an inability to let go and forgive. People who haven’t achieved forgiveness may have a longer latency period, meaning it takes them more time to think about the incident and arrive at any response. The hurt exists but has not been revealed yet - the bad feelings can become overpowering.

 

Strategies for Moving Forward

 

The following are strategies that can help you recover from being hurt.

Meditation

 

Mindfulness Meditation helps you explore and understand your pain while reducing stress. It calms negative thoughts and restores a positive focus. The keys to mindfulness meditation are to be aware of your breathing and living in the moment. Mindfulness can give you peace of mind and improve your self-acceptance. You can learn to practice mindfulness meditation online, or your community may offer meditation classes.

 

Practice Forgiveness

 

Be aware of the emotions that you are feeling and recognize how those feelings are impacting your physical and mental health and your behavior. Accept the feelings and the situation that occurred. You are in control, not the person that caused the event. You have the power to forgive and move on with your life.

 

Be Compassionate

 

The person who caused you to be distressed may be having issues that affect their behavior, such as the death of a loved one, a bad relationship, or low self-esteem. Think about your past interactions with the person. Are they typically pleasant and non-confrontational? Is their behavior different than in the past? Being empathetic and kind can help you to achieve forgiveness.

 

Self-Distancing

 

Research by psychologists Ozlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross found that self-distancing is significantly beneficial in overcoming the negative feelings caused by grudges and resentment. Self-distancing entails thinking about the situation from a third-person perspective rather than an active participant perspective. 

 

Envision that you’re watching actors in a movie replay the situation that occurred. This technique helps you to see the “big picture’, increasing your ability to cope with the past and have a broader perspective on the event.

 

Conclusion

 

It is human nature to be angry, sad, or upset when someone’s words or actions hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment is harmful to your health and well-being. While it can be difficult to forgive and move on, it’s in your best interest to do so. The preceding techniques can help you to cope, forgive, and unburden your heart.

 

References

 

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-009-0054-0

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4384185/

 

https://abbymedcalf.com/the-key-to-letting-go-of-resentment/

 

https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/

 

Mayo Clinic

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438226/

 

Why Do We Suffer from Burnout?

Burnout is a state caused by high levels of chronic stress. It results in a total breakdown emotionally, physically, or mentally. What used to be a term for a broad set of conditions is now an official medical diagnosis. That's important because until it was given official recognition, people just believed they had to ride out whatever they were experiencing. Here's an example.

 

You approach your boss and tell him you've had enough. You can't work another minute. The environment, your coworkers, or some other situation has you on the verge of a mental or physical breakdown. Before a doctor could diagnose you as suffering from burnout, your boss might have told you to "tough it out."

 

In many cases, this is what we tell ourselves. While we recognize that our situation is beyond difficult in some way, we feel like we should be able to push through. That is definitely not the best course of action if you have a case of burnout working against you.

 

Look out for These Common Causes of Burnout

 

A person will suffer from burnout because they have been pushed past their emotional, physical, or mental breaking point. It's not just a case of someone working many long hours and being physically tired. 

 

It usually happens because a person is not in control of the situation they are forced to endure.

 

They have to put up with emotional, physical, or mental stress. There is no letting up. They feel they have no control over the process. A workload on the job or at home looks like it's insurmountable. Personal responsibilities that must be met continue to build until they create a perceived disaster situation.

 

A person feels they don't have the tools, resources, or personal abilities to handle their life or job satisfactorily. All of these situations can be caused by the following factors.

• Monotonous, challenging workloads that seem to grow quicker than progress

• Having a continual lack of control, either at work or in personal life

• Seeing little to no rewards for a person's time and effort

• Feeling a lack of support and community

• The perception that a person is the only one that has to go through harsh or difficult times

• Toxic environments that threaten a person's values, and possibly physical or mental health

While most burnout is job-related, you can see that these common causes of a breakdown can happen at home, in a person's social life, and at work. Avoid them whenever possible. If you suspect that you or someone you care about is a prime burnout candidate, talk to a counselor or mental health professional. As with any other health problem, prevention is always the best medicine.

 

Who Gets Burnout? Are You at Risk?

You may not be suffering from any chronic stress right now. You experience stress but assume it's at the same level as most people, and you handle it easily. What you need to ask yourself is this.

 

Are the problems in your life putting you at risk of going from a normal stress level to full-blown burnout?

 

Burnout and stress are related. Chronic stress, always having to deal with stressful situations and problems, can lead to burnout. On the other hand, regular doses of stress are actually good for you.

 

It's a way your body protects you. The stress response is tied to your fight-or-flight instinct. All your senses become fully aware if you must battle a threat or run in the opposite direction very quickly.

 

Burnout results from experiencing that situation constantly. Your mind, body, and/or emotions are relentlessly being hammered to the point that they give up. 

 

They simply can't take anymore. Even the strongest-willed person can suffer seriously from an endless barrage of stress to the point that some part of you shuts down.

 

Am I a Candidate for Burnout?

 

First, you need to ask yourself if you love your job. If you do, you likely don't have an issue. When you wake each morning and can't wait to get to work, your stress isn't unbearable. It's a sign that no chronic stress awaits you to clock in and get to work.

 

What do you do most of the time if you don't work? Does that cause you a lot of stress? Again, if stress isn't a constant companion, you probably don't have to worry.

 

Burnout comes from a consistent and relentless delivery of stress. 

 

Whether it's on the job, at home, or anywhere else, it's stress that you can't escape. It's right in your face and gets you to the point where you feel like you will explode.

 

Some jobs are more stressful than others. Yahoo Finance reports that the following occupations are more likely to lead to burnout than others.

 

·      Retail

·      Surgeon

·      Fast food worker

·      Social worker

·      Air traffic controller

·      Construction worker

·      Teacher

·      Nurse

·      Certified public accountant

·      Firefighter

·      Emergency medical technician

 

If you don't work any of those jobs, that doesn't mean you're immune to burnout. Frequently experiencing stress is never a good thing. Consult a mental health professional if you feel stress is too big of a part of your life.

 

If You Want More Meaningful Relationships, Schedule Them

Do you have a day planner? Do you have a calendar or schedule where you plan out your activities? A lot of people plan their careers. They have a virtual or physical planner where they keep track of their work commitments. They take their job seriously and know that if they schedule their professional life, they can be more successful than if they take it as it comes.

 

Unfortunately, many people don't do that with their personal lives.

 

That's too bad. We've known for a long time that the human brain loves to be given marching orders. It was designed to respond favorably to order and habitual behavior. If you want deeper connections, you should schedule the experiences that build and maintain them.

 

Who Do You Want a More Meaningful Relationship With?

 

It's been proven that deep relationships make you less likely to develop disease or become sick. Your mind, body, and emotions benefit. The more people you truly understand on a deep level and connect with in a meaningful way, the happier and healthier you will be.

 

This means that when you connect with someone in a big way, you get a significant boost to your well-being. Who wouldn't like that in their lives? To experience all these wonderful benefits of a healthy social life, ask yourself who you can connect with on a deeper level.

 

Once you have that person in mind, sit down and ask yourself some questions. What do they like to do? What values are important to them? Do they like traveling or knitting, or reading? What vices do they have that they wish they could defeat? What are their big goals?

 

If you don't know the answers to these questions, or at least have some general idea of their response, what can you do to discover those answers? In many cases, it doesn't make sense to come out and ask big questions like this. You can spend more time with that person in experiences and activities they enjoy. This helps you indirectly learn that information.

 

Schedule time for those activities. Talk a lot, and listen. Remember your ultimate goal, to get to know the person better. Be flexible and understand that a deep connection might mean a relationship with someone that's unlike you in many ways. Opposites often attract. 

 

Keep these things in mind and schedule the time and emotional energy required to develop a deep and meaningful relationship. Offer a time and environment that's comfortable to them, be yourself, and do this regularly to form a strong, healthy connection.

 

3 Reasons and 3 Ways to be Present

The greatest minds on the subject will tell you we don't fully understand what existence is. For regular people, there's the idea of a past, a present, and a future. We understand we're living right now, and that's pretty much what we can wrap our minds around. We see our life playing out before us. We have senses we use to experience the world.

 

We're in the present now and have memories of a past existence. We have hopes and plans for our future. For most of us, that's what we know about life.

 

Deep thinkers tell us that all we have is the present moment. When you think about it, that makes sense. Your past is gone. There's no control over it. You really don't have any control over your future either. All you have is right now. As it turns out, embracing your present reality has a lot of benefits. Here are three reasons why you should spend more time in the present moment and three simple ways you can do just that.

 

3 Benefits of Embracing the Moment

 

1. Better Relationships and Improved Social Skills

 

Focusing on right now opens your eyes. You see the people in your life with more clarity. This includes those that you barely interact with, as well as the people you see frequently. That leads to better social skills and healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

 

2. Less Stress and Anxiety

 

This is the go-to benefit lifelong mindfulness practitioners talk about. There is much less stress when you worry less about tomorrow, next week, and next month and appreciate the present. 

 

3. Greater Self-Love and Self-Esteem

 

Being mindful of your present state of being leads to self-awareness. You find you have so much more to appreciate about who you are right now and fewer expectations of your future self.

 

3 Simple Ways To Live in the Present Moment

 

1. Breathe Deeply

 

Take a few deep breaths and focus on them. Breathe in and out and appreciate your present moment. Do this for a couple of minutes whenever you need to calm your racing mind. This is a stress-relieving aspect of mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and other practices for living in the now.

 

2. Practice Daily Gratitude

 

Look around you. What do you have to be grateful for? Your truest blessings are here right now. Practice gratitude each day for the good things in your life. This teaches you to appreciate the present moment instead of spending all your time wishing for something better in the future.

 

3. Forgive Yourself and Others

 

Forgiving is about letting go of the past. You remove future expectations as well. This is key to experiencing all you can in the present moment.

 

Those are just a few reasons why being present is so important. You also have three proven ways to focus more on right now and less on the past and future. Give yourself the gift of being present today so that your tomorrow can be more fulfilling.