Unburden Your Heart: The Path To Letting Go Of Grudges And Resentment

Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness can be triggered when someone hurts you by saying or doing something offensive. It’s challenging to let go, to forgive, and the feelings of resentment linger, weighing you down and making your heart feel heavy.

A study published by Springer Link confirms that “Bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.”  Holding grudges and resentment is linked to a higher risk of heart attack, disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, headaches, and chronic pain. In addition, the anger from resentment can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

It’s in your best interest to move past the hurt caused by others to protect your health and well-being. There are strategies to free yourself of resentment.

Why Do We Struggle to Let Go?

A 2021 analysis by researchers explored why we hold resentment and found that our self-esteem is a factor. Humans need validation, meaning we want others to agree with our actions or beliefs. Otherwise, we feel morally inferior, becoming defensive and increasing the difficulty of accepting and forgiving others.

In some cases, people simply have an inability to let go and forgive. People who haven’t achieved forgiveness may have a longer latency period, meaning it takes them more time to think about the incident and arrive at any response. The hurt exists but has not been revealed yet - the bad feelings can become overpowering.

 

Strategies for Moving Forward

 

The following are strategies that can help you recover from being hurt.

Meditation

 

Mindfulness Meditation helps you explore and understand your pain while reducing stress. It calms negative thoughts and restores a positive focus. The keys to mindfulness meditation are to be aware of your breathing and living in the moment. Mindfulness can give you peace of mind and improve your self-acceptance. You can learn to practice mindfulness meditation online, or your community may offer meditation classes.

 

Practice Forgiveness

 

Be aware of the emotions that you are feeling and recognize how those feelings are impacting your physical and mental health and your behavior. Accept the feelings and the situation that occurred. You are in control, not the person that caused the event. You have the power to forgive and move on with your life.

 

Be Compassionate

 

The person who caused you to be distressed may be having issues that affect their behavior, such as the death of a loved one, a bad relationship, or low self-esteem. Think about your past interactions with the person. Are they typically pleasant and non-confrontational? Is their behavior different than in the past? Being empathetic and kind can help you to achieve forgiveness.

 

Self-Distancing

 

Research by psychologists Ozlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross found that self-distancing is significantly beneficial in overcoming the negative feelings caused by grudges and resentment. Self-distancing entails thinking about the situation from a third-person perspective rather than an active participant perspective. 

 

Envision that you’re watching actors in a movie replay the situation that occurred. This technique helps you to see the “big picture’, increasing your ability to cope with the past and have a broader perspective on the event.

 

Conclusion

 

It is human nature to be angry, sad, or upset when someone’s words or actions hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment is harmful to your health and well-being. While it can be difficult to forgive and move on, it’s in your best interest to do so. The preceding techniques can help you to cope, forgive, and unburden your heart.

 

References

 

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-009-0054-0

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4384185/

 

https://abbymedcalf.com/the-key-to-letting-go-of-resentment/

 

https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/

 

Mayo Clinic

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438226/

 

Five Signs You Might Need to Focus on Emotional Healing

What is emotional healing? It's the process by which you recover emotionally and mentally from a negative life experience. You can't keep tough times from appearing in your life. When you are emotionally healthy and balanced, you deal with those difficult situations that inevitably pop up, and you can move on with your life.

 

Sometimes, we don't understand we need emotional healing. That's the problem. If you suffer some injury and have a broken bone, you can see it. You can certainly feel it. You know you have to get it fixed.

 

This isn't always the case when your emotions are out of whack.

 

You might think your emotional responses to your experiences are correct and healthy. They may be anything but. Here are five signs you could use some emotional healing to live a more complete and fulfilling life.

 

You Don't Experience a Wide Range of Emotions

 

You have access to 34,000 different and unique emotions. That's what psychologist Robert Plutchik believed. He stated that most of us only experience eight primary emotions most of the time. These are anger, sadness, disgust, trust, fear, joy, surprise and anticipation.

 

If only a couple of those are usually present, you probably need more emotional balance. This could indicate that you aren't properly processing situations and human interactions. 

 

Low Self-Esteem and a Poor Self-Image

 

This is an offshoot of what we just talked about. You constantly look down on yourself. Everyone has times when they doubt their abilities. That's only normal. We recover and move on. The emotionally unhealthy person usually has a low sense of self-worth, even when there is evidence this isn't the case.

 

You Have Difficulty Trusting Others

 

A lack of trust can come from emotional imbalance. You must love yourself and truly believe you can overcome a bad relationship experience, or you'll never trust others.

 

You Can't Move Past a Negative Experience

 

Life can be difficult, at times seemingly impossible. It might look like you'll never recover in the middle of the most trying hardship. You will. Don't embrace and hold onto negative emotions. Practice gratitude for the great things in your life. Lean on your support network and get whatever help you need if you can't seem to let go of negative emotions.

 

Constant Anxiety and Stress

 

Chronic stress is a killer and has been directly linked to many common causes of death. A constant display of stress and anxiety could mean you're not always responding to life correctly where your emotions are concerned.

 

There is no miracle pill you can pop to always enjoy perfect emotional balance. You will have ups and downs, experiencing difficult times that hurt you emotionally. 

 

For you to live your best life and for those that you love, you need to learn to recognize a negative life experience, give it its due, and then move on. Consider seeking help if you often display these signs of poor emotional health.