Breaking Chains: Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can drive you to your breaking point. These may be difficult to get out of, and you may not even realize things are bad until you’re in deep. Today we’ll look at healthy versus toxic relationships and how to break those chains.

 

Identifying a Toxic Relationship

 

The first step in breaking free from your chains is identifying when the chains are there. All relationships go through bad times. The difference is that toxic relationships seem to be perpetually stuck in a dark place. This is true for any type of relationship, not just romantic.

 

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

• Respect
• Trust
• Good communication
• Mutual commitment
• Kindness
• Fun
• Comfort
• Support of each other’s goals
• Partnership in decisions

On the other hand, signs of a toxic relationship include:

• Disrespect
• Lack of trust
• Dishonesty
• Poor communication
• Major difference in goals
• Lack of support
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Excessive control
• Disregard of each other’s needs and wants

Maintaining Safety

 

Depending on the level of toxicity, breaking the relationship off could have safety concerns. This mainly refers to partners in romantic relationships but not always. In these cases, it could be a good idea to consult with local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline before taking any action. To reach the hotline, you can either call 800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. More information is available on their website.

 

Keys to Success

 

There are a few main components that ensure success when breaking off a toxic relationship. They include:

• Support System: Keep your loved ones in the loop about what’s going on with you. Let them know why you’re leaving the relationship and seek assistance from them if needed. Community support groups are also available if you need to talk with people who are going through the same thing.

• Independence: Learn how to take care of yourself and complete daily tasks. This includes managing your basic needs, finances, recreation, and other errands.

• Professional Assistance: Again, law enforcement and other measures may be necessary to maintain physical safety. From a mental health standpoint, you may also want to seek professional counseling before and after ending the relationship.

• Cutting Ties: One of the worst things you can do when leaving a toxic relationship is leaving the door open for the other person to come back into your life. It will be difficult to step away but it’s necessary for long-term healing. Once you no longer share material possessions and communication is not essential, delete their contact information and take them off your social media. Do not indulge in conversations about them with friends, family, or mutual connections.

• Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you physical, mental, and emotional comfort and peace. Take care of your basic needs, live a healthy lifestyle, and participate in relaxing and recreational activities.

 

What To Say

 

What you say and how you say it during a breakup is critical to your success in walking away. Here are a few tips for breaking the chain of a toxic relationship:

• Maintain a strong and assertive but non-aggressive tone of voice.
• Use strong body language, including a tall stance, relaxed shoulders, and good eye contact.
• Use “I” statements and accept that the other person may not take responsibility for their actions.
• Use definitive language. For example, don’t say “I need a break”. Instead, say “I’m leaving you and I don’t want you in my life anymore”.

 

Healing From Toxic Relationships

 

It’s best to take a holistic approach to healing from a toxic relationship. This means focusing on every aspect of your wellbeing, not just your emotional health. Some of these aspects include:

• Physical: This involves factors such as diet, sleep, exercise, and personal hygiene.
• Mental: This involves using coping skills and/or professional help to deal with unwanted thoughts and emotions.
• Social: This involves your social connections such as family, friends, work, hobbies, and other social obligations.

 

Source Links

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202206/how-recover-toxic-relationship

 

https://www.thehotline.org/

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-marriage-4091900

 

https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/ten-signs-of-a-healthy-relationship

 

Finding Balance: Juggling Work, Life, And Self-Care

The more technology we have, the easier life is supposed to be – but somehow, the world just gets faster-paced and everything feels much more frantic than it did before. You're trying to kill it in your career while looking after friendships, romance, and maybe even children, but what about self-care? It feels like you're constantly juggling and if you take your eye off any of the balls for even a second, one drops to the ground. 

 

Your career demands your attention. 

 

Your family and friends need you just as much as you need them. 

 

And what about self-care? 

 

Believe it or not, you can have them all if you simply find the right balance… and you can find the tips you need to do that below. 

 

Boundaries and Priorities 

 

Step one in your journey to finding balance is establishing boundaries based on your priorities. That might mean you need to sit down and establish your priorities if you haven't already. That means understanding your core values and getting to grips with what matters most in your personal and professional life. 

 

Once that's settled, you can establish boundaries that will protect your energy and time. Just be ready to communicate your boundaries clearly and be firm when saying no. 

 

Think about your boundaries around technology, too – do you pick up emails even when you're off the clock? Do you feel the need to reply to every message instantly? Think about your relationship with the internet and social media. 

 

Organization and Time Management

 

Organization and time management work in tandem and once you crack this code, you will find it much easier to find balance. Use a calendar or diary, utilize to-do lists, and structure your day to break down your responsibilities and when you will tackle each. 

 

By breaking down every task into manageable moments, you avoid the risk of multitasking, reduce stress, improve productivity, and give yourself time for everything. 

 

Delegate

 

Something that many people struggle with is letting go of control. Let's be clear about this – you can delegate! At work and at home, you can assign appropriate tasks and responsibilities to family members and employees or colleagues. The key to finding balance is sharing the load, so learn to let go. 

 

Take Breaks Intentionally 

 

Part of finding balance and practicing self-care is taking regular breaks, which means you might need to schedule them when you sit down with your calendar and to-do list. So, schedule a take-five, go for a brief walk, sit down for a quiet meditation session, or just chill out with a glass of water or hot tea. A break should not be viewed as a luxury, it's a necessity to improve productivity and performance. 

 

Say No 

 

There's no point in establishing boundaries if you don't learn to say no! 

 

You should be able to say no to things that don't fit or feel right without feeling guilty about it. Everyone has limits, and if saying yes means pushing yourself beyond yours, you need to say no. Whether it's coffee with a friend on your busiest day of the calendar month or picking up an extra project at work when things are hectic at home. There will be times you can say yes to those things, but if you can't say yes now, don't!

 

Lean On Your Support

 

Everyone needs human connections and having a strong support system when you're dealing with life's obstacles and challenges is key. So, be sure that you are surrounded by people who respect you, understand your goals, and build you up. These people should be willing to go 50/50 in sharing responsibilities and happy to pick up the slack from time to time when it's necessary. 

 

Final Thoughts 

 

It might feel like an impossible task, but with a bit of intention, you can strike a balance between work, life, and self-care. It might be difficult at the start, but once you establish your boundaries and learn to stick to them, the rest will come with time and practice. When you do find the balance, you will start to see everything in your life improve. 

Self-Parenting 101

Self-parenting, self-love, and self-care go hand in hand. All three are there to help you make conscious decisions and allow you to take better care of yourself.

 

After doing a lot of internal work, I now have a clearer vision of why we need to practice good self-parenting. The problem is that many people feel this type of self-care is shallow or selfish. But that couldn’t be further from the truth!

 

Below are some self-parenting 101 tips and tricks that can help ensure that you always prioritize what you need to thrive and lead a fulfilling life.

 

Let’s get started.

 

What Is Self-Parenting?

 

In short, self-parenting is a type of focused care that involves healthy living patterns and positive daily habits. It puts a spotlight on the things that truly matter in your life, like sleep, nourishment, and security.

 

Yet, while those are all great ways to manage your overall health, self-parenting takes it a step further.

 

At its core, self-parenting is how you can fulfill unmet needs lingering from your childhood. It’s a way to tone down your inner critic, which is actually a culmination of voices that you’ve internalized and now believe as your own.

 

As a result, you learn how to listen more to your emotions and thoughts. You become more compassionate towards who you are as a person, and you allow yourself to feel worthy and seen.

 

It does this by providing new experiences that can lead to more satisfying behavior and a more positive effect, thus helping you create better outcomes in your life.

 

5 Self-Parenting Tips

 

In my search for ways of being a better parent to myself, I looked at some of the ways good parents care for their kids. Then, I used them to create an outline that adults can apply to themselves to enhance their inner parent.

 

Take a look.

 

Accept Your Emotions

 

Feelings help us define what’s happening so we can articulate our thoughts and act accordingly. When children have intense feelings, it can sometimes be overwhelming. If we’re not taught at a young age how to deal with those big, scary emotions, we still won’t be able to deal with them as adults.

 

This is where self-parenting can really help. Tell yourself that it’s okay to have feelings, no matter how big or small.

 

More importantly, avoid making yourself feel guilty or ashamed about feeling a certain way. Instead, learn how to make the most of these feelings to better understand what you’re going through and help yourself move forward.

 

Set Healthy Boundaries

 

When your life has clearly defined expectations, you can safely navigate and explore within those boundaries. So, make it super clear what you expect of yourself and your life.

 

Yet, we’re trained to listen to our elders and to behave properly. Then, we grow up and we fear what will happen if we assert our needs as adults. So, we put everyone’s needs before our own to avoid rejection.

 

However, with boundaries, you have the power. It may sting a bit if someone rejects you for saying no for whatever reason. But you’ll survive and you’ll come out stronger and more confident.

 

Have Reasonable Expectations

 

Write down realistic goals for the year ahead. Start with long-term goals, then break them down into monthly, weekly, and daily objectives.

 

Working down from larger to more manageable short-term goals will give you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, it helps you focus on what you have to do and avoid feeling hurt or helpless.

 

Remind yourself to be proud of your commitment to do the work. And each time you achieve something on our list, reward yourself. Then, after each one, think about setting new goals that can help you achieve more in your personal and professional life.

 

Create a Regular Routine

 

Knowing that you’ll be doing certain things at certain times is one of the best self-parenting techniques ever! Having a routine helps prepare you for what’s ahead so you can have time to adjust and react accordingly. It also teaches you responsibility, leadership, and discipline.

 

For example, one of the first things experts will advise you to do is to go to bed at a specific time each night. Not only that, but you need to create a nightly ritual to help you unwind and relax at the end of the day.

 

Start by turning off all screens 30–60 minutes before bedtime and dim the lights. You can bring an enjoyable book to read. Or you can play some soft music to ease you into sleep mode and reduce any nighttime jitters you may have.

 

Know Your Core Values

 

Adults who come from neglectful homes are often not taught morals when they were children. So, as your self-parent, it’s up to you to determine what it takes to become a helpful, empathetic member of your community.

 

You also have to learn the importance of respecting yourself and others, as well as being honest and trustworthy. And the best way to do that is by finding out what your core values are.

 

One thing you can do to appreciate the role that helping others has in your life is to volunteer at a local shelter or community center. Even a simple gesture, holding the door for someone or smiling at a stranger, can do miracles for your self-esteem.