Self-Sufficiency Improves The Quality Of Your Relationships

There are many ways in which one can explain self-sufficiency, but my favorite definition has to be one I came across in an article on Psychology Today. Steve Taylor wrote that self-sufficiency is the quality of feeling secure and content with oneself, a deep-rooted sense of inner completeness and stability. When you are self-sufficient, you are cognizant that you are enough. In all the situations you approach from a perspective of self-sufficiency, you are aware of your value as a person. To be honest, when one is self-aware, the quality of their relationships improves because you know what you deserve. If you view yourself as a decent human being who is worthy of self-love and respect, you will not accept being mistreated by people. Let's look at some of how self-sufficiency can improve the quality of your relationship. 

 

You can set boundaries.

 

This is a sore subject for many of us because we do not want to lose our loved ones. When you are self-sufficient, setting boundaries becomes easy for you because you know what you bring to the table. Keeping in mind your value and all the work you have put in to become the person you are will inform your decisions about how you want to be treated. You will then surround yourself with people that understand who you are and are in your life because they respect the boundaries that you would have set. 

 

We have all heard repeatedly that you teach people how to treat you, and the boundaries you set for loved ones will teach them how to treat you. If you are a person who has no respect for yourself and you keep people in your life out of desperation, you will find yourself surrounded by people who do not value you. As Iyanla says, "Draw a line in the sand, if the line is crossed there must be a consequence." What this means is that you should set clear boundaries, and people should respect you enough to appreciate the boundaries you set. As a self-sufficient individual, it will be easy for you to remove yourself from situations where people do not respect your boundaries. 

 

You can choose the people you want around you.

 

There is nothing more powerful than a person who respects themselves enough to not be the one that is consistently chosen as a friend. Self-sufficiency will allow you to be decisive about the people you want to have in your life. You will keep people in your life because you want them in it, not because you need them. Many people have stayed in abusive relationships because they were dependent and could not leave. Being self-sufficient, whether it is financially or emotionally, could save you from very unpleasant situations. This is one of the reasons why we are all encouraged to go on the journey of self-discovery because there is nothing more addictive than another human being. Knowing that you can provide for yourself and pick yourself up when you need to will empower you as an individual. That power will help you choose like-minded people, and your connections will not be based on co-dependency. 

 

You can be more assertive.

 

Standing up for yourself is a superpower, but unfortunately, we are not all born with that superpower. If you are in a relationship with someone who is strong-willed and has a strong personality, you will need to be assertive. For your needs to be met, you need to articulate what you need from your partner. Being the partner that is always compromising will leave you drained and feeling unappreciated. When you are a self-sufficient person, you can be assertive and make it a point that your feelings are considered in the relationship because you matter. The relationship can then become a safe space because you show up as your most authentic self and in honesty. Your partner will also appreciate the honesty as it will not cause resentment in the future.

 

The takeaway

 

Navigating through life and relationships can be a challenge. There is a constant need to ensure that when people like us, we do not disappoint them or scare them off by being self-sufficient. We often mistake co-dependency for the foundation on which relationships should be built. We then have relationships where we are enmeshed, and there are no clear boundaries. This does not help our relationships as there is no code of conduct and people end up taking each other for granted. To enjoy any relationship, you need to maintain your individuality because that is what makes you unique. To enjoy a relationship of high quality, you should, as the saying goes, fill your cup and give what is running over. Practicing self-love will allow you to respect yourself enough to value relationships because of what you bring to the table, not what you are constantly receiving.