3 Irrational Reasons Why We Don’t Negotiate

Why is it so hard to ask for what we want?

 

We see other people do it all the time. Someone else gets a better deal on a car or really nails that raise. Life looks good for everyone else, while we’re the ones who seem to be going nowhere fast.

 

Why is this? Is everyone else just better at negotiating?

 

The reality is, if you’re not getting what you want, you’re probably not asking. In fact, about 2/3 of the population will not negotiate in a given situation, though it’s not for the reason you think. It isn’t opportunity holding you back, it’s fear. But can we truly be blamed? Fear can be a powerful motivator.

 

Let’s look at some of the irrational reasons why we don’t negotiate.

 

“I might be rejected.”

 

No one likes to hear “no.” In fact, it’s such a strong dislike, people will go way out of their way to avoid this kind of response. It’s why people break out in a cold sweat when they think about proposing to their special someone or would rather do just about anything to avoid asking for a favor. In the world of negotiation, this can be especially daunting because a ‘no’ here means you don’t get what you’re angling for. How do you get past this? Tell yourself it’s okay to hear ‘no.’ You won’t get what you want if you don’t ask, so you’ve got nothing to lose. 

 

“What will they think of me?”

 

Afraid you’re going to look bad if you ask? Our image is everything. Not wanting to look miserly or too much like you’re taking unfair advantage are reasonable worries. On the other hand, we tend to be our own harshest critics. Will the other person really look at you differently for asking? A salesman isn’t going to think twice about your asking, and your boss may respect you more for having the guts to ask. In the end, the more important question is, what will you think of you if you don’t ask?

 

“What if I screw this up?”

 

Nothing makes us kick ourselves more than the idea of losing an opportunity. On the other hand, if you don’t ask, you might be missing out on an even better opportunity. 

 

While these fears are irrational, there is some truth to the idea you need to think before you speak. Paying attention to who you’re dealing with should give you a feel for when to throw caution to the wind. In the end, even a missed opportunity isn’t the end of the world. There are always new things around the corner. Don’t let fear rule your life. You’re really braver than you think.