Encourage or Fix—What Is Your Style?

Each of us has an approach that we use when people come to us for help with their problems. Some of us like to encourage the person to find the answer within themselves and we stand with them as they put their plans into action and reap the benefits and consequences of choices. Others of us prefer to fix the problem for the person, exploring ideas for plans and actions that will potentially solve problems.

 

Neither style is more beneficial than the other and most people would agree that both styles are necessary qualities. However, as each style affects the way we treat our families, friends and work colleagues, its’ worth knowing which style more clearly emulate in our interpersonal relationships. How do you know if your style is to fix or encourage? Here are some useful things to consider about each style of helping others. 

 

You Like to Help Others by Offering Solutions to Their Problems When They Approach You with Their Problems.

 

Men in general like to fix problems more than listen to others talk about them. Problems need to be fixed and a man using his left sided logic, likes to help develop a plan of action to solve a problem and to seek its resolution by providing solutions.

 

Men and women instinctively want to fix a problem when faced with one, be it their own or someone else’s problem. Many people need and want this help in their lives. Whilst it may not be considered empowering the other person, sometimes life needs create a need in us to find this style of helping. 

 

You Encourage Others to Talk about Their Problems and Help Them to Find Their Own Solutions.

 

If you are the sort of person who likes to encourage your friends and family to talk about their problems and help them create their own solutions you are more likely an encourager than a fixer. Women instinctively do this amongst themselves when they “share” their problems with their friends. Men often do this with each other when they play golf or drink together, or join mentoring groups facilitate talking and sharing. 

 

Most of us use both styles of helping others interchangeably in our lives depending on who we are talking to and what their needs are. Learning to be selective on who we use which style with is a journey of self-reflection and of personal discovery.